Synchronization

Just another house update and major prayer request here.

Our real estate contract recently expired and we were faced with the option to keep the listing the same or to renew it.  By renewing the contract, it gets listed as a "new listing" and goes back to "zero days on the market."  Having just put in a lot of work to replace some drywall and paint the entire basement and the kids bedrooms and bath, we were advised to renew the contract, have new pictures taken with hopes of getting new buyers into our home.  It's just how it works in the Midwest.  But we're faced with the knowledge that selling our home now/soon will seriously delay our adoption.

If we sell the house now, before we get our LOA or even a month after we get our LOA, then we will have to delay the adoption, pay thousands to update our home study in California, get new fingerprints, wait for new approvals.  All this will delay the adoption anywhere from 6-8 months, maybe even longer.

Yet we need to sell that house and get settled in CA.  We need normalcy, routine, space and freedom.  Oh, I need some freedom!

We struggled with the decision of what to do with the contract knowing that our decision could really mess up the adoption.  We asked people to pray, we listened for God, and made the decision to renew the contract with the hopes that we'll get a buyer.  Today we had a house showing and it scared me.  I'm at the end of my rope living the way we are and I want that house to sell.  But I'm at the end of my adoption rope too, seeing friends sneak ahead of us in their process while ours seems stalled.

I'm making a public plea to everyone out there to pray for the synchronization of the house sale and the adoption.  If we could get that paperwork from China in the next few days and if we can get showings and a good, solid, fair offer on our home with a closing that DOES NOT conflict with our adoption are paramount.  It's absolutely brutal having 2 major, life altering happenings hanging in the balance.

Can we count on you for prayer?

PS:  Don't forget your year end tax deductible giving!  Go to our Donate tab at the top of this page and be sure to send any adoption donations to LifeSong for Orphans.  More on our Puzzle Progress in a future post.  Thanks to those of you who have already given.  We are forever grateful to each and every one of you!

Christmas Miracle

Before you get your hopes up, no we didn't get what we wished for this Christmas.  We have not received our LOA yet and we still haven't sold our house.  Our daughter is still in an orphanage in China and we are still living in limbo.  However, something extraordinary happened this Christmas.

True confession?  I'm a pastor's wife who really isn't a huge fan of Christmas.  Obviously, I love the true meaning of the holiday - the birth of our Savior that changed everything.  Everything else about Christmas just gets to me and I struggle every year with keeping myself centered on the awesome true meaning of what we celebrate every December 25.

This year our Christmas was bound to be a tough one.  The house and the adoption are one thing, but couple that with a husband in California in his new pastoral role meant a lot of work and having no family even in the same time zone.  More than ever, I miss my family during the holidays and I knew loneliness would take over my heart.  Walking into our new church on Christmas Eve was bittersweet.  It was fun to see the faces of new friends, enjoy some awesome music and it was downright awesome to see our new building packed full of people celebrating Jesus' birth.  Yet I was humbled beyond my imagination at how many people approached me after the church service with words of understanding and compassion over our awkward, difficult Christmas this year.  Tears were shed as I received hugs and blessings and prayers of many members of our new church family.

The next 18 hours or so were filled with the hustle and bustle that is an American Christmas - the excitement building in our children, the prepping of food, the last minute wrapping of gifts, the organization of gifts under the tree, the preparations for Santa's annual arrival, a couple late night games and another packed Christmas Day service at our new church with equally great music and messages.  Later on Christmas day, after Jay had returned from work, after the house was cleaned and food made, we headed out to the home of some friends.  What could have honestly been one of our toughest, hardest, sad Christmases ever, turned out to be nothing but a Christmas miracle to me and a clear answer to prayer of so many of our new church family.

Hugs.  Smiles.  Conversation.  Children.  Guinea pigs (and pig nail trimming - you all do this on Christmas Day, yes?).  Gingerbread houses.  Music.  Candles.  Honeybaked Ham.  Chocolate peppermint cake.  Games.  Fun.  And laughter.  I mean red faced, tears rolling down your face, hyperventilation, rolling on the floor until your sides ache laughter.  Oh, it was a joyous Christmas!  Dare I say it was the best Christmas ever?  I could say that.  Nothing will ever take the place of my family, mom, my stepdad, my brothers and sisters-in-law, my nieces and nephews.  But I have a new family in CA and they gave me a Christmas I will never forget and one that will quite honestly and seriously rank among my best Christmases ever.

So thank you to our new LP Church family.  Thanks for your prayers for us to not only to get through a tough holiday season away from our loved ones, but also for making it a joyful, memorable holiday.  Your prayers were answered.  Thanks to those of you who have hosted us on Christmas Eve and invited us into your traditions.  Thanks to those of you who showered us with Christmas cards, cookies and gifts for my boys.  And thanks to our dear friends who shared December 25 with us.  You made it awesome, outstanding, joyous!  We love you guys!  Thanks for being my Christmas miracle this year!  Next year at my house?  :)

Christmas Card

Merry Christmas!

Sorry, folks.  No Christmas card this year.  I remember toying with the idea of eliminating our card last year, realizing that it would save us quite a bit of cash if we didn’t do one.  But I love receiving your cards so much that I just decided to bite the bullet and continue the card last year.  This year is a bit different.  Life is in limbo for us and with an impending trip to China, every dollar saved is a dollar towards our final adoption and travel fees.  So, enjoy our Christmas card/letter/blog here and hopefully next year we’ll be able to send out cards again!

 

2011 in Review

In January we rang in the New Year with my (Brooke’s) mom and stepdad in Barrington, IL.  It was somewhat of a last minute trip, so it was fun and exciting.  But we came back to Lincoln in full job search mode.  Jay began interviewing across the country for his next career opportunity.  Thankfully God provided that opportunity during Spring Break.  We were flown out to Northern California for a final round of interviews with LifePointe Christian Church.  The boys loved staying in the hotel even though the swimming pool was outdoors and too cold for a dip.  We left CA with a job offer in hand.  Even though it meant moving across the country, farther away from family and friends, it was a solid job offer during tough economic times.  We would have been foolish to decline.

We came home and put our house up for sale by owner and enjoyed lots of showings, great feedback but no offers.  Jay packed up the Corolla in April and made the long drive out to CA alone while I stayed home with the boys allowing C to finish 2^nd grade in Lincoln.   Jay settled into his new role as Associate Pastor and I began the task of packing up the house.  Sounds like our Christmas letter from 5 years ago when we left IL for NE, doesn't it?

Jay came home every month or so and after school was out for the summer we listed our home with a realtor thinking it might just go quicker if we get more exposure.  We had lots of showings and good feedback, but as you know, we still haven’t sold that home.  So, we continue to wait.  Ugh!

But not all the drama has been bad.  After 2 years of trying to adopt internationally, at the end of August we received our referral from China!  We were matched with a darling little girl with special needs.  What excitement she has brought to our lives!  I immediately called a good friend in Minnesota because I couldn’t keep the news to myself.  I’ll never forget when she said, “Brooke, maybe this is why your house hasn’t sold.  Maybe your daughter is coming first.”  Oh, how we see that to be true as we continue to wait on the house.  If the house sells, then we risk delaying our daughter by 6-12 months, and we’d have to update all our paperwork in CA resulting in thousands more dollars of adoption costs. As frustrating as it is to live in limbo, we feel God is protecting what little amount we have in our savings account and is bringing our girl home first.

Thank you all for praying for us during yet another trying year.  I knew that when we jumped into international adoption that we could be left with nothing at the end.  But I think God has been using this time to make us completely dependent upon Him.  We continue to trust Him for everything we need and He keeps providing.  We’re grateful for His provision but we’re tired of depending on so many people for help these days.  We’d like to see an end to this state of limbo.  We’d appreciate your prayers for an expedited adoption and a simultaneous sale of our home.  We’d really like to move on with our lives in N. California!

C’s Corner

Since the house didn’t sell in the spring, C was able to wrap up 2^nd grade in Lincoln and spent a fun summer with the neighborhood kids.  With Jay gone, we made summer nights fun and late, often bike riding with neighbors until 10pm!  Jay came home for the 4^th of July and we enjoyed the holiday by setting off fireworks in the street with the best neighbors we could ever ask for!  The kids just loved it!  Our street really knows how to party! 

C started 3^rd grade this fall and oh, what a difference it is!  So much homework!  So much testing!  But he continues to be a great student, adapting well to all of our changes.  His favorite subjects at school continue to be recess and lunch, but he’ll tell you seriously that he still loves reading, PE and computer.  He has a great teacher this year and we are thankful for her! 

C turned 8 in September but kind of missed his birthday with all the family chaos.  We celebrated quietly with an extra large decorated cookie from Sam’s Club and a trip with a friend from school to a nearby family fun center with mini golf and arcades.  For Halloween the boys were the Blues Brothers, which caught the eye of all the adults.  I can’t wait for the boys to be old enough to enjoy the classic movie from our hometown - Sweet home, Chicago!

For C, it will be tearful to leave our neighbors and friends in Lincoln but I know he will adjust quickly. 

E’s Edition

This is my last year home with my baby.  With finances as tight as they are, we did not enroll him in preschool.  Just like his big brother, I’m teaching E what I can at home.  He’s so different from C.  At this age, C was reading nearly anything you put in front of him.  E, on the other hand, can sound out whatever you put in front of him, but the motivation to read on his own isn’t there yet.  He’s more the athlete, always active and trying to keep up with the bigger kids.  I can’t believe I’ll be registering my baby for kindergarten soon!

Unfortunately, E’s birthday was definitely messed up!  He turned 4 only 2 days following my gall bladder surgery in April.  I had to cancel his birthday party and throw out the cake that I had carved in the fridge.  It had been a brown dog pillow pet cake and all it needed was the icing and décor.  Instead, Grammie (my mom) came to the rescue and drove out to care for the boys while I was recovering.  She took E to the Dairy Queen where he got to pick out an ice cream cake.  He chose Spiderman and it was delicious!  Grandma Collins also stopped through on her way from Texas to Wisconsin and brought gifts for the birthday boy.  But because everything was so messed up that weekend, his birthday somewhat lasted days on end with gifts and well wishes slowly rolling in.  We later celebrated over cupcakes with the neighbors when Jay was home to enjoy it all.  So, a seemingly never-ending birthday was fun to have too!

E is so excited to have a baby sister to love.  I’m awed that he thinks of her at random points during the day.  He’ll just bring her up in conversation like, “Oh mom!  That reminds me of my sister!”  So sweet!

Adoption Update

Oh, next year our daughter will be home and she’ll have her own section of our Christmas letter!  Happiness!

If you’ve followed our blog long enough, you know where we are with the adoption process.  As mentioned earlier, we are waiting for our LOA from China, which basically states we are officially approved and she is indeed our daughter in China’s eyes!  That little piece of paper should be here any day now (and then I'll be able to post her picture here, so stay tuned)!  Once received, we will sign it, send it back to our agency, it takes about 2 months for US Immigration to get the final paperwork and visas, then we get our travel approval, book our flights and we’ll be off!  I hear China is beautiful in the Spring!  ;)

We’re all anxious for a trip overseas.  We hope to be able to take the kids with us, especially since it would be such a learning adventure for C.   Even E is at a good age to remember such an amazing trip!  But we realize that we might not be able to make that happen financially and will leave the kids with family or friends while we travel.  And honestly speaking, it might come down to only one of us traveling.  We’ll see how our fundraiser progresses.

Again, thanks to all of you who have been a part of this adoption journey from the very start!  Thanks to those of you who have given to our cause!  By the world’s standards, we’ve probably been given enough reasons to give up on our adoption dreams.  But we believe we’ve been called to this by God who first adopted us into His forever family.  And we will see it through to the end and we will not let anyone stand in our way of what He has called us to. 

Brooke & Jay

And finally it's down to us.  Two weary travelers of this LONG winding road of real estate, relocation, and adoption!  We're tired and we just want to be settled in a home of our own in CA.  Jay loves his new job.  The church is small, in the 300 range in terms of regular attenders.  They've been meeting in an elementary school for the last number of years and just this last weekend, they moved into their own building - an old Harley Davidson showroom.  It will be prefect for our growing church.  We are excited to be a part.  It seems we have a knack for moving churches into larger facilities - first Willow Creek expands and doubles it's square footage.  Then Lincoln Berean builds a new auditorium.  And now LifePointe gets it's first building.  It's fun!

Jay continues to battle back problems.  We're still holding off surgery, mainly since we're still paying my medical bills from surgery this spring.  He's taking it easy, avoiding lifting or strenuous sports that could hurt him further.  But soon enough, Jay will have to have that darn disc repaired!

As for me, I'm doing my best to hold it together.  Some days are better than others.  I'm really excited and ready to make a home for ourselves in CA but just so stressed that it doesn't happen.  Living in limbo like this is not fun.  But I love that I have my boys and the sweet picture of my girl in China!  They really keep me going.  I'm thankful for all those who have served our family and who continue to serve us in so many ways.  You know who you are, but since this blog is public, I won't mention your names.  But we love each and every one of you and we're ready to let all of you off the hook for your service.  Thanks for standing by us with understanding and patience!

I hope this Christmas gives you much to celebrate.  Even though its been another trying year for us, the birth of our Savior gives us much hope and reason for celebration.  

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours!

Brooke, Jay, the boys and 1 girl waiting in China

Under Construction

No adoption update this time.  Just some news about our house.  We didn't expect any showings over Thanksgiving, but we've been talking with our realtor who has now suggested some house changes after 2 November showings that resulted with feedback about not liking the basement finish.

We tried to save money by finishing half the basement ourselves, but it does show like an amateur job unfortunately.  Seems we didn't put in enough screws and the drywall ceiling has begun sagging more and more as the time goes by.  And in NE they do these swirled/stamped textured ceilings and ours doesn't look professional enough.  We did everything by the book and acquired permits and passed all inspections.  The rest of the house is nice, neat and clean and professional, but when potential buyers see the basement, they are disappointed.  Sigh.

Thankfully, one of the friends I've blogged about before is coming to our rescue.  As a contractor, he knows what needs to be done, how to do it right, he will respect our home and he will even delay billing us until the house sells so we can pay him out of the profit instead of taking the tiny bit left we have in our savings account.  He had a crew tear down the basement ceiling and put in a new one.  It should be done this weekend.

Even though this guy is a dear friend of ours and I highly respect him, he's in the business of home construction and has even dabbled in flipping properties.  He knows that my personalized paint colors aren't neutral.  He has suggested that we paint not only the entire basement (because dismantling the sagging ceiling will certainly knick the cranberry colored walls), but he also suggested painting the entire 2nd floor.  The boy's room, the kids bathroom, even our waiting daughter's room will all go back to the original builder beige.  Tears.  No, more like uncontrollable sobbing.

Buyers today want move-in ready, a turn-key home (I don't know why, but I hate that phrase "turn-key," but I digress).  So, with the help of friends, we'll get the entire house painted.  And what was first the nursery for my youngest boy, that was later slated for my Nepali daughter and now my Chinese daughter will be no more and I will not be in the home to witness the change.  I can't go through that.

So, the last few days I've been utterly and completely exhausted, upset, a sobbing, depressed mess.  I haven't desired to get out of bed in the mornings and I keep begging and pleading with God to end this disaster that is our lives currently.

And just when you thought this post was getting long, here comes the second half of the story.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend about our adoption and she asked me if I had read Mary Beth Chapman's book Choosing to See.  I had not.  Our library didn't have it, my friend had lent her copy to another friend from church, and we're not spending money right now with the adoption so close.  But I found a used copy on Amazon for only $0.99, and a hardcover at that, with cheap shipping.  I ordered it.  Well, like I said, that was weeks ago.  I had completely forgotten about the order, in all honesty.  Then I walked out to the mailbox the other day and there is was.  "Oh yeah, I had forgotten about that."

I had known the story of the Chapman's, their adoptions and the tragic loss of one of their daughters.  And when I ordered the book, I was just hoping to learn about their adoption stories more than anything.  But in our current time of trail, I was now hoping the book might help me cope with the mess we're in.  After all, if the Chapman's can get through such an unthinkable, horrifying pain that no one should ever have to go through, I should be able to get through my measly problems!

Her book spoke to me in so many ways!  In fact, I could have written the first quarter of the book myself, except for the marrying a future award winning singer and songwriter part!  Seriously though, she shared a similar upbringing with a mom who was home and kept a beautiful house, 2 older brothers at similar age gaps to mine, she struggled with her body image (what teenage girl doesn't?), she had c-sections with her kids, and she even had a 3:00 a.m. gall bladder attack when her husband was out of town.  Hello!  Weird!

But the last part of the book, where she recalls the story of saying good bye to her daughter really met me where I am.  Although her grief is magnified 100 times more than what I'm going through because she lost a child, she didn't belittle me in my pain.  Pain is pain.  Grief is grief.  I'm hurting and I feel alone.  I'm sad and I cry.  I cry a lot!  This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.  And although she doesn't know each one of her readers personally, she apologized and empathized with any of her readers who are walking through a painful season.  It was heartfelt and I appreciated those words.

When it was announced that we needed to change the colors of our home to make things more neutral, that was the last straw.  I broke.  Sobbing.  My boys room.  My daughters room.  Although we are still adopting in the midst of our move across the country and I knew this would not be the home my daughter would even know, it was still heart shattering.  I had put such love, thought, time, energy and care into painting those walls.  To think of it all going away was crushing after everything that has happened so far.  Add to that the holiday season and the approaching Christmas that won't even resemble Christmas for us this year (to be saved for a later blog post), it's just been ugly.  So this week I've felt sad, alone, hopeless.  I'm tired of asking God to reveal Himself to me, to save me from this mess.  I can't find the right words to pray.  I'm tired of crying.

But Mary Beth wrote about choosing a burial plot in the cemetery for her daughter.  Ugh, I hate writing those words.  [And I'm complaining about what when others are saying good bye to their children until eternity?  Get over yourself, Brooke!]  She writes about finding a lady bug, a favorite of her daughter's, on the site that was to be the final earthly resting place for her baby girl.  She later wrote about a family member who would give everyone a Sharpie tattoo of 3 ladybugs (for each adopted daughter), a symbol of remembrance of a beautiful sweet girl who would be so greatly missed on this earth.

So, I was driving across town today back to the house and I found a ladybug crawling inside my driver's side window.  A ladybug.  In December.  It was again one of those quiet moments in the car when my 4 year old was strangely silent and my oldest was at school.  So in the quiet of the car, I'm driving west and I'm seeing this ladybug crawl along the window, zigzagging back and forth across the glass.

Like Mary Beth would say, you can call that a coincidence, call it what you want, but I call that a little gift from God today.  He showed me through a tiny little ladybug that He is here with me, He knows my troubles, He is in control when it doesn't feel to me like He is, He is working all things together for good in my life.

No, that doesn't solve anything.  It doesn't solve the fact that my husband's new job has him on the West Coast while we still haven't sold our house here in NE and we're living out of boxes and suitcases.  It doesn't make the hits to our bank account this year seem like a cake walk.  It doesn't bring my waiting daughter in China home any quicker (still no LOA yet).  But it does help me SEE that He is still out there, no, He's actually here with me in this constant daily struggle.  He will get me through this winter season of life and He will bring about new growth in the Spring.

Tomorrow may be a good day, it may be a bad day.  It's all a part of the journey.  Tonight I still hurt for our own chaos.  I hurt for the Chapman's who lost a piece of their hearts.  But I am thankful for their story and I'm amazed that our creative Creator would use their story to speak to me.  Tonight I thank God for the ladybug.

Be a Piece of the Puzzle

International adoption is a trek across treacherous terrain with rocky and slippery ground, poor visibility, storms that leave destruction in their wake.

For us, the highest heights were being accepted into 2 country programs - first Nepal and then China, reading the email that our dossier had been sent to Nepal in the summer of 2010 and then to China in the summer of 2011, the phone call that announced our waiting daughter, the pictures that followed and seeing her sweet face for the first time!

But with the highs, we fell to deep lows that sweep many adoption dreams into an endless crevasse, to be lost forever.  We lost Nepal when the US government shut down the program on August 6, 2010.  With that, we lost $9000 that we had invested.  We changed careers and have been attempting to change locales and are still awaiting a buyer for our home.  We faced emergency surgery while our family was apart.  We lost a car in a car wreck on the West Coast.  What a mess!

But through it all we have been clinging to the knowledge that God will complete what He has called us to.      So many of you who have offered your prayers, thoughts and good wishes for our waiting daughter in China are forever a part of her story.  You are a puzzle piece of her journey to our family.

We want to commemorate all of you in a way that our daughter will know just how many friends it took to bring her home.  I have created a large 768 piece jigsaw puzzle of a colorful map of China and we are looking to you to sponsor one, or as many pieces as you can, to help raise our travel fees.  We will write your names on the back of your sponsored pieces so that our daughter will have the knowledge of you for the rest of her life.

Sponsor 1 piece for $15.  

There are 4 ways to donate:


1.  NEW!!!  For a tax deductible donation, go to the Donate! tab above and send your donation to LifeSong for Orphans.  They will hold all funds until our agency requests them.  LifeSong has provided us with an interest-free adoption loan but it will not cover the remaing fees or travel fees.  But this is the only tax deductible way for you to donate, so take advantage of it!  I'm grateful they will assist us in so many ways.

2.  Click on the Donate! tab above and click on the Chip In button to donate electronically (PayPal rates do apply).  Be sure to leave a comment here on this page so we know what names to write on the back of your piece(s).


3.  To avoid PayPal fees, send a check payable to La Vida International directly to our adoption agency (address and instructions on the Donate! tab above).  Again, be sure to comment here so we know how many pieces you are sponsoring and what names we are to write on the back.  Our agency will not administrate the fundraiser, but they will collect all fees since they make all our travel arrangements.


4.  Or send us a check in the mail to Jay's office (address also on the Donate! tab above) or see us in person if you are local to either one of us.

Three easy ways to donate, just take your pick!

As the days go by we will assemble the puzzle, learn a bit about China as a family, take pictures and post our progress here.  If we can get all the pieces sponsored, it will cover airfare and lodging for both Jay and I to fly to China as soon as we receive our travel approval.

Time is of the essence here folks!  We only have a matter of weeks to make this happen because once our paperwork arrives and is approved by China and US Immigration, our agency starts making travel arrangements immediately.  So rally the family, get the kids involved, share this on your blog, ask your parents, neighbors, coworkers to get behind us and help bring our daughter home.  Please help us complete the puzzle by Christmas!

There is no training to help one prepare for the adventure that is international adoption, but it is not puzzling as to how we've made it through.  We've conquered the mountain with the support, warm wishes and prayers of all of you.  We're forever grateful!

Trying to Complete the Puzzle,
Brooke, Jay, the boys and 1 waiting girl in China

Approved!

Just minutes ago I got off the phone with LifeSong for Orphans. They have approved us for an interest-free adoption loan! Praise God!!!!!

The amount we will receive will not cover the remaining expenses though. It will leave us short by $3000 plus travel fees. So, please keep us in your prayers for these final amounts. Donate if you can, pass our blog along to family and friends who might be able to help, host a fundraiser, help us get creative and find ways to come up with the remaining costs.

Still no LOA yet. Any China families out there receiving yours recently? Any clue of the current wait times? As you can see by the ticker above, we're going on 3 months and everyday I expect the call from my agency.

Still no bites on the house either. More showings but no offers. It will only get harder come wintertime. We've had contractors in to estimate paint and trim work for the basement that we finished ourselves. I feel like my realtor wasted his time by talking to the contractors for their suggestions when nothing they would do would add any value to my home. Besides, we don't have the funds to pay for the work anyway. My mom is retiring soon and she has offered to come out and help me paint a couple of rooms to make them more neutral. I need a buyer who can look past paint colors. Keep praying because this gets more trying by the day and I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I need this to end or I'm going to lose my mind!

Thank you, God for the blessing of an adoption loan! You continue to provide everything we need for the daughter You designed for us. Thank you! Amen.

1 Week - Keep Praying

One week behind us and still no word on the adoption loan I mentioned in my previous post or our LOA.  So please keep us in your prayers for both this week.  Pray for God's favor on our adoption finances and that He would provide every penny we need so our daughter can come home without delay!

Also, still no house sale yet.  We've been super close 3 times but the clients always choose the other house.  Maddening!  Living in limbo is getting really difficult and stressful with the approaching holidays.  Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and they are talking and you are listening and what they say takes you off guard and makes you stop in your tracks because what they are saying might just be the truth, the crazy truth, something you hadn't thought of yourself?  I had one of those moments when I called one of my best friends in MN to tell her about our referral.  She said to me, "Brooke, maybe this is why your house hasn't sold.  Maybe your daughter is coming home first."  Whoa.  Mind blowing.  Maybe she's right.  As these weeks and months drag on and on with no sale, the more and more convinced we are that our sweet girl is the priority, not the house.

A friend from our new church said to me recently, "Wouldn't it be just like God to work things out so that one of you needs to be in China picking up your daughter and the other [spouse] will need to be in NE packing up and closing on your house?"  Again, it was a stop-dead-in-your-tracks kind of statement.  I don't know if God is speaking through these 2 friends, but perhaps, just perhaps He is.  And if that's the case, then we could be just 2-3 months away from traveling to China and selling our house at the same time.  We'll see how He has it all unfold.

Keep praying, people!    Oh please, keep praying!

2 Weeks - A Call to Prayer

This morning I received a phone call from LifeSong for Orphans, an organization that provides grants and interest-free adoption loans.  They are processing our application for an interest-free loan and they had questions about our application.  I spoke with the gal for 15 minutes or so and fine tuned the numbers and dollars and timing we are facing.  She said in 2 weeks they will make their decision about our application!

Will you add us to your prayer list for the following two weeks and ask God for His favor regarding this loan application and that He would provide us the funds we need?  Our remaining expenses are:

$555 - US Consulate Fees - due upon receipt of LOA
$7367 - China adoption Fee - due upon receipt of LOA

It would be my prayer that LifeSong would provide a loan to cover the 2 costs above because they will be due when we receive our LOA from China, which should be arriving ANY DAY NOW!

After that we will very quickly owe travel fees which will be near the amount of $7800 per person.  We'll climb that mountain when we get there.  In the meantime, you can still donate!  Click on the donate tab above to find out how.  Above all...

Please pray for God's favor on our adoption finances by providing us with this interest-free loan from LifeSong, enough to cover the LOA fees above.

Thanks to one and all for praying our daughter home!  You are all a part of her story in a major way!

Pictures!

Today I got a gift I've been waiting for ever since we got our referral -- updated pictures! It's killing me to refrain from posting online, but I will continue to abide by my agency's wishes. The pictures in our referral were dated. I'm guessing they were from her intake day at the orphanage or shortly thereafter. Today's pictures are much more recent. My how she has grown!

While I was literally jumping up and down with joy and spinning circles in the living room with my iPad in hand, there is definitely a bitter side to seeing her face too. I feel the miles and oceans in between us for sure and my heart breaks that she has no clue who we are and how much we adore her. Secondly, I could tell by her sweet runny nose that she has a cold in these pictures. Oh, I should be the one with the Kleenex box cleaning that sweet face! I should be the one snuggling and cuddling that cold away!

We still await a buyer for our home.

We still live in limbo.

We still wait for our LOA.

We still wait to bring our daughter home.

But I am thankful for today's gift. Please praise God for His blessing today!

The Call

I love reading adoption blogs and hearing how others hear their call to adopt.  It's a journey for all of us.  So, share with us the next step as we drive the roads of international adoption.  You've got shotgun.  Jump into the passenger seat of my silver SUV with Nebraska license plates and enjoy the ride.

On a Tuesday morning at the end of August, we're parked in the school parking lot, a few minutes earlier than expected, so we're just sitting waiting.  The kids have their seatbelts unbuckled and are fiddling with carseats and kids stuff in the backseat when my cell rings.  I didn't recognize the number but we had a few minutes to spare before the school bell rang, so I answered it. 

"Hello, this is Brooke," I always answer when I don't recognize the caller ID.

"Hi Brooke.  This is E at La Vida and we actually have the file of a little girl for you to consider," she said calmly.

I couldn't believe my ears.  I know I must have said, "Oh my gosh," "You're kidding," or something like that.  This was the referral call we have dreamed of for over 2 years!  I had always hoped I'd get the call when I was home, with my husband, with the camera in hand, set to video mode so I could have it record every word that I heard, every word I uttered, the reactions on our faces, the tears of joy that we shed.  No such luck.  Jay was at work.  I was in the car.  Sure, the camera was in my purse but was the battery charged?  Sadly, no. 

With awkward giggles through happy tears flooding my eyes, I listened to the details of a little darling in China who needed a forever family.  I heard her age, her birthdate, the day she was relinquished, the orphanage where she has been living, her special needs that have her on the CCCWA waiting child list. 

"Do you want me to email the file to you?" I was asked.

"Oh my gosh, yes!"  I said happily but calmly. 

I was totally on the boarder of screaming with joy and it surprised me that I wasn't shouting from the rooftops.  I just kept giggling and crying, crying and giggling, to which my case worker only laughed herself.  I swear I could hear her smile over the phone.  Oh, the joy she must feel on those days when she gets to announce a long awaited miracle for waiting parents!

Having totally lost track of time, I'm thankful we didn't miss the school bell.  The phone call was quick and I was told to expect the file in 15 minutes via email.  I waited in the school yard with my boys for the school bell to ring and then called my husband immediately as I walked back to my car in the parking lot.  Not even 5 minutes had elapsed.

"I got it," he answered. 

No, "Hello."  No, "Hi, Hun."  No, "What's up?"  He had received the email and opened it in the midst of a webinar he was listening to by himself in his office.  I'm guessing he probably didn't get much out of the session!  He just said, "I got it."

I raced to my waiting email and saw it with my own eyes.  I saw the picture of a round faced baby girl with fuzzy black hair and chubby cheeks.  I read her name and hoped I was pronouncing it correctly.  I read through the English translation of all the info our caseworker gave to me over the phone.  I read the medical report.  Then I talked to my husband, who under the circumstances of our upcoming move to California, sounded quite hesitant.

"What do we do?" he asked.

His hesitation worried me.  I couldn't say no to this child unless God closed the door.  Thankfully, Jay didn't want to say no either.  But we discussed the issue of his new job in California and our house for sale and our lives and stuff still in Nebraska.  How can we make this happen? 

We quickly decided a talk with our agency was in order.  Over the course of 24 hours while we had this little darling's medical files reviewed by our pediatrician and our doctor neighbor, our agency decided that we could pursue this sweet girl even in the midst of our move.  So, we began the preliminary paperwork, due in a quick 48 hours to our agency, to lock this little one in for our family.  What a whirlwind!  It was a twister that left us busy, hurried, exhausted with one of those "good headaches" by mid-afternoon.  Our Letter of Intent (LOI) was submitted immediately to our agency who had it translated and then sent overseas.

On September 5, we received our preliminary approval that basically means at a glance, it looks like this little one will be ours.  China now pulls our dossier and goes through it with a fine toothed comb then hopefully they issue us a Letter of Approval (LOA) in the next 1-4 months.

In the meantime, we're praying for a miracle in the form of a house sale, or maybe not.  See, if our house sells quickly, then we won't have to delay our daughter for too long.  We'll have to update paperwork in California, but hopefully we can do that quickly while we await approval from China.  If the house sells after we get final approval from China, then we risk delaying her, maybe even for quite some time while we update paperwork at that time.  At the same rate, perhaps this is the reason our house hasn't sold at all.  Maybe we're going to get our daughter first.  It's hard to understand.  But it is what it is and God has it all under control.

We honestly don’t know how to pray or how to ask for help or advice.  We just need God to show up and show us the way to California and to China.  Would you pray He makes the path clear to us so that our daughter’s best interests are met?


And just as an editor's note, we will not be giving you our daughter's name, location, age, special needs or anything personal.  We will not even post a picture.  While we want to share this with you immediately, our agency has the best interests of the children in mind and asks their clients to sign a confidentiality agreement.  Rest assured, when she is legally ours and in our arms in China, we will post all the fun details!  Thanks for respecting us, our agency and our daughter!

LID!!!

My Facebook status today posted my 10 year anniversary!  And I also posted that a nice anniversary gift would be a contract on our house or our LID in China.  This evening I was shocked to actually get something we've wanted for so long...

We’re on the list!  Our dossier has been received in China and we have our Log In Date (LID)!!!!!  On August 9 our dossier was officially logged into the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption!  The “official wait” now begins and I’ve updated the ticker above.  Now it’s just a matter of time until we are matched with our daughter.  Our agency says they’ve never had a family wait longer than 6 months for a referral in this particular program.  They are hopeful we’ll go much sooner because we’re open to different age ranges and a long list of special needs.  Yet I proceed with caution because this adoption has not followed anyone's expected timeline.

So, happy 10 year anniversary to my husband!  I wonder what the next 10 years will hold, but I think it will include a trip to China at some point!

Go, No/Go

Do you remember this dialogue from Apollo 13?

-Apollo 13 flight controllers, listen up. Give me a go, no/go for launch. Booster.
- Go.

- Retro.
- Go.

- Fido.
- We're go, Flight.

- Guidance.
- Guidance go.

- Surgeon.
- Go, Flight.

- EECOM.
- We're go, Flight.

- G.N.C.
- We're go.

- TELMU.
- Go.

- Control.
- Go, Flight.

- Procedures.
- Go.

- INCO.
- Go.

- F.A.O.
- We are go.

- Network.
- Go.

- Recovery.
- Go!

- Capcom.
- We're go, Flight.

Launch control, this is Houston. We are go for launch.


I think you could just as well substitute adoption lingo in there and it would work quite fittingly. Allow me a little fun here…


La Vida this is Collins. Give me a go, no/go for Adoption.

- Application.
- Go

- Birth certificates
- Go

- Employment letters
- We’re go, Adopt

- Financials
- Financials, go

- Medicals
- Go, Adopt

- Background checks
- We’re go, Adopt

- Photos
- We’re go

- Passports
- Go

- Homestudy
- Go, Adopt

- Payments
- We are go

- I-797
- Go

- Authentication
- Go!

- DTC
- We’re go, Adopt

China, this is Collins, we are go for Adoption!

Going through my checklists just reminded me of the movie. So, anyone wondering what DTC is? In China adoption lingo, it stands for Dossier To China. Friends, we are go adoption! As of TODAY our dossier has been launched and is on its way overseas. God speed, dossier!

Our agency has already been looking at partial lists of waiting children to see if any would be a potential match.  If they find a little girl who seems like the perfect fit, they can lock her in before our dossier is even registered in China.  But in order to look at the full list of waiting children, we need to wait for our dossier to be received and logged in (estimated to take 2-4 weeks from today).  Please see our Prayer Request page for new requests!

Everyone Counts

For those of you who might want to read what I wrote for Jay’s message at church this weekend, here it is, complete with pictures that were up on the side screens.  The series they are in is about obscure Bible characters and Jay taught about Cornelius and how he was a Gentile among the Jews, someone who would have been considered an outcast.  One of our new church’s values is that everyone counts, no matter what.  Jay asked me to write a piece for him about how the value of everyone counts plays a part in our decision to adopt a child with special needs.  Jay had to cut a bit of it for timing purposes, but this is the full version below.  I hope you enjoy.

Everyone Counts

The night I first met Hilary at a Scooter’s Coffeehouse on 84^th Street in Lincoln was one that changed my family.  Introduced to her by a good friend of mine, Hilary shared pictures of her daughter adopted from Kyrgyzstan.  Oh, that sweet face with the chubby cheeks that your lips would get lost in if you kissed them!  And believe me, you wouldn’t be able to resist puckering up and laying one on each satiny cheek.  I listened to a proud mom’s story as I flipped through the photo album that she always kept in her bag for precisely these moments.  A dozen or so pictures into the album and I was alerted to the difference.  Sweet baby Anara was born missing the tips of some fingers and toes and for that reason she could have been unwelcomed in the Kyrgy society.  By the grace of God, she was placed in an orphanage, her adoption file listed online, only to be found on the other side of the globe, by my new friend who knew this little baby girl was the missing puzzle piece to their family.

From that night on, I knew my heart had been melted, destroyed, crushed by the reality that people in this world deem others as misfits. How could someone say no to such a child as this? It happens every day. Day after day I receive an email or two, sometimes 12, I kid you not, from agencies trying to place orphans with medical needs that label them unworthy in their countries of origin. How my heart agonizes over their faces. If I could only bring each of them home! Countless times I have sat on the stool in my kitchen staring at the computer screen with the image of a child I so desperately want to help, call my own and I just sit sobbing with my head in my hands, tears falling onto the keyboard. Twice I have nearly dumped our adoption plans for two of these children because I couldn’t get them out of my brain! Their faces are forever etched into my memory. All I can do for these children is pray and the awesome thing is that God answers prayer. When I’ve called back to inquire about these 2 particular children, God had found them a forever family. More sobbing. But this time, tears of gratitude for families who accept these children and give them the care and the love they absolutely deserve.

Jay and I have been surrounded by people in our lives that even our own American society would stop and stare at, completely ignore, deem useless, but in God’s eyes, they count!  We have a friend Carmie in Chicago with Tourette’s Syndrome. Carmie has a list of ticks a mile long including raising his arms above his head, jumping straight up and trying to fly like Superman, doing “the swim” dance, even flipping people the bird. You can imagine the stares he’d get for that one! But Carmie could clean and worked on the Facility Set-up crew at the church we grew up in. He had time for anyone and everyone who wanted to stop and chat. If you needed prayer for anything, Carmie would be praying for you without a doubt. Carmie counts.

I worked in our catering kitchen with a gal named Barbara Jean.  She had been born with multiple physical deformities that left her face lopsided like a Picasso painting and she had hearing and mental incapacities as well.  But Barbara Jean could serve!  She’d tray up hundreds of rolls and wrap hundreds of potatoes in foil for our evening dinner service.  She had love for the rest of the staff, a love of her Savior, and she had an echoing laugh that Jay and I have burned onto the CD of our minds.  Barbara Jean counts.

After years of struggling with unexplained infertility, our friends in North Carolina were blessed with their first biological baby boy.  But shortly after bringing home this miracle from the hospital doctors noticed something wasn’t quite right.  Months of testing led to a diagnosis of severe hearing loss.  Baby Matthew was almost completely deaf in 1 ear and suffered what the doctors diagnosed as profound hearing loss in the other ear.  Although we’ve never met him because they live so far away, we see pictures of this darling blonde haired, blue eyed boy on Facebook and in their annual Christmas letter.  Matthew has a smile that could just about make all the bad stuff about our world fade away.  He loves  anything with a steering wheel and can’t go anywhere without a fireman’s hat, a typical, normal 4 year old boy today.  Matthew counts.

My list certainly doesn’t end there and I could name probably a dozen additional people whom God has used to grow my heart.  He has clearly been preparing us for a special addition to our family by surrounding us with people who might be overlooked, judged, unloved.   While I know we will get stops and stares, whispers and even harsh words spoken about us, I will follow what God has called me to.  And I pray that my daughter’s story will open up doors of acceptance, soften hearts of insensitivity and flood our communities with compassion and love for one another because everyone counts.

Twice as Long -- Why Should I Expect Anything Different?

Oh where, oh where has my dossier gone?
Oh where, oh where can it be?

I spoke with our agency today and my dossier is still out for Authentication.  They originally said it would only take a week, maybe 2, after they receive my final form from USCIS.  Once again, that time has been doubled.  We still need to get that dossier to China before we move.

But never fear… our house hasn’t sold yet.  I’m not Catholic, but I’m about ready to bury a statue of St. Joseph in my yard!  Anyone have one I can borrow?  We’ve dropped the price yet again (despite knowing we’re at the right price because other homes in my neighborhood are selling) and that hasn’t even brought in any more showings.  Not one.

And just when you think matters can’t get any worse, Jay’s back is getting bad again.  Need to find a new doctor in CA and schedule another steroid shot.  With a move pending, now is not the time for surgery.

Oh, but wait!  It can get worse!  Jay was in a car accident last weekend and our Corolla was totaled! Thankfully he’s OK, as is the other driver and his passenger.  The car engine still runs great but the entire front was crumpled – bumper, hood and both quarter panels.  I don’t even want to see a picture of it. Although it wasn’t the first car I ever had, it was the first car I bought on my own, without the help of my parents, after graduating college.  I did the test driving.  I did the negotiations.  On.  My.  Own.   So, it’s hard to see it face an ugly demise.  It was a 12 year old car and the damage done is more than the car is worth, so it's going to the junkyard.  And wouldn't luck have it, we insured it for liability only in order to cut down on monthly bills with hopes to save more for the adoption.  Adopting families, heed my warning!  It might cost more to insure your older model car with collision too, but in my very recent experience, it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than digging into that savings account for a new (used) car!

The timing of this could not have been worse.  It all makes us depend on God even more.  Just when I thought I had enough in the savings account for our next adoption payment when we get our referral, we’re going to need those funds for a replacement vehicle instead.  I know God will provide for the adoption because He’s been faithful to the very penny of every amount we’ve needed to send thus far.  But gosh, this is just so unfair!  I’d really like one thing to start going right.  Is that too much to ask?  The house selling, the dossier being sent to China, my husband’s back pain to be solved (permanently), finding a house easily in CA (note the oxymoron in that statement) – I’d really love for something to go right.

OK, enough of my moaning and whining.

Stay tuned for Sunday’s post.  Jay is giving his first message at our new church.  He asked me to write a piece for it and I absolutely loved doing it.  Although for timing purposes, he had to cut parts of what I wrote, I’ll post the writing in its entirety here, complete with photos.  The subject matter ties into our adoption as well as one of our new church’s core values.  I think you’ll enjoy it.

See you Sunday.

Finally!

I can't believe it.  The mailman brought me our long awaited I-797 today.  We are now DONE with our dossier!  Much to my complete surprise, I didn't scream with excitement or jump up and down for joy.  Moreso, I just let out a sigh of relief.  I never thought this day would come. 

So lest we lose everything in the monster storm that's headed our way tonight, I took the boys to the library to make copies of the form, then to the post office to mail the original to our agency.  On our way out, we ran into our friend in town who also lost Nepal and has switched to China.  As I was mailing our last dossier form, she was mailing her first care package to her waiting daughter in China.  God's timing is so funny that we were both there to share in those little moments.

God's timing is perfect.  We needed this before we move to CA.  Here it is.  Now sell my house, God.  Pleeeeeeeeease!

2 Years

We’ve hit the 2 year mark in our adoption epic (thanks RM for that term – “epic” is way more fitting than “journey” at this point).  Two years ago today we started travelling this road. Two years, dreams of Nepal, one country shutdown, thousands of dollars lost, a 3-inch pink binder filled with countless pieces of paper, dozens of notarizations, and now repeat all of that all over again in a second large binder and add new dreams of China and I still haven’t seen the face of my daughter yet.

Adoptive families, friends and bloggers have told me that it will all be worth it when I hold my daughter in my arms on the other side of the globe. While I believe that to be true, I can’t quite wrap my head around that statement because that reality is just so very far, far away!

In all honesty, I really want to write about all the feelings I have today, the desperation, the desire to give up, the feeling of being at the end of my rope, let down, because that is how I’ve been feeling for months with the countless delays and chaos. While I’m quick to tell myself not to throw a pity party, an old friend of mine who is an amazing writer and speaker recently taught me that this is all a part of the grieving process. The last two years have brought us a lot of grief – the loss of a Nepali daughter, the loss of a major chunk of our savings, the loss of some good friends and even the loss of our local church. Painful to the very core of who we are and the hurts still keep coming even when I don’t think I can possibly take any more.  I'm still grieving.

I want to think positive, to press on towards something I think God has called me to, to follow Him wherever He may lead. If the month of April taught me anything, it taught me how strong I am. Does that sound braggadocios? I don’t mean it that way at all. I think all of us have hidden strength that God has given us, particularly in these times of trouble, and we need to acknowledge it and use it. So, I’ll try. Some days will be better than others. But with the tiniest shred of energy I have left inside me, I will be strong and endure the wait for my daughter. She is worth it. If God went to the ends of the earth for me, I’ll go to the ends of the earth for my little girl.

So in response to my previous post (Decisions – May 25), we are still adopting and not giving up. Our social worker has sent in her addendum and once again we continue the wait for our final form from USCIS. Once we are officially out on the West Coast we will update our home study and dossier with all that new information. If any of you bloggers know a good social worker in the Sacramento area, I’d love a reference!

Hang in there, Sweet Girl. Mommy loves you! Mommy is STILL dreaming of you. And I WILL come to get you and bring you HOME!

Prayer for June

This is going to be very brief, but I'm putting out a public plea for prayer.  Would you please join us and pray for our house to sell this month?  My poor husband just wants his family back together, especially now that school is out and we have nothing on the calendar.

We have a neighborhood garage sale going on this weekend and I'm hoping the traffic will bring our buyer right along and we can still sell the place by owner.  If not, we'll list with a realtor on Monday. 

Please pray for a buyer, a good solid offer and a house sale in June!

Decisions

This afternoon I just received an email from our agency about that lovely 2nd pink notice from USCIS. We do actually need to update our brand new home study. No way around it. I can’t even believe it. Furthermore, with our pending move out west, our agency is asking us to cover all of our bases and re-do some dossier documents like Jay’s employment letter, our financial status form, child abuse and state clearances for CA. Everything in triplicate, notarized, 2 for the dossier, 1 for the social worker, yada yada yada, you know the drill.


At this point, I don’t know what to do. Every time it seems we get close to adoption, God allows something to get in our way. We sent our dossier to Nepal. We lost Nepal. Then we start China and paperwork that should have only taken us 2-3 months is taking almost twice that and we keep getting stopped by USCIS with pink notices.

Is God telling us not to adopt? I don’t know. I just don’t know. The last 2 years have sucked (sorry, it needs to be said, people). While we’re trying to sell our Midwest home and get our family out to the West Coast, should we just quit the adoption all together and focus on setting up house and making ourselves at home in CA and maybe try for a pregnancy? Should we just delay everything until we’re settled and then do these updates out there? Or do we just bite the bullet and press on, get this new task list completed now and get our dossier to China some unknown day, months from now?

I wish someone had the answer. We’re taking a few days to pray about our next step. Would you join us in prayer?

Strong Dislike of the Color Pink

Oh, I could just about throw in the towel today.  (No, I won't give in that easily, I just need to vent.)  But I'm so mad at USCIS I could just scream. 

I've been expecting our final form from USCIS for the last 2 weeks since we've all been fingerprinted.  I got so excited today in my driveway when I saw the government logo in the return address corner of an envelope as I walked into the house.  I almost started jumping up and down for joy and then I saw it.... the dreaded PINK in the address window. 

Inside was my second PINK notice (remember the first PINK notice when they said I hadn't paid for fingerprinting when I in fact did -- they later found the missing check).  This one states they need a home study update that clarifies our mental, physical, emotional, behavioral issues for all adults living in the home.  Are they trying to bring on some mental issues here?  This is so frustrating.  What confuses our agency even more is that USCIS wouldn't have issued our fingerprinting dates if there was an issue with our homestudy.  So, we're hoping this is all a big mistake and my agency is now put to work once again to iron this out.  Better them than me because I'd chew someone out at this point.  When we re-started the adoption process after losing Nepal, my agency said it would be an easy 3-4 months to get paper-ready for China.  My ticker above shows you it's been much longer thanks to these PINK notices!

I'm really starting to dislike PINK!  Thoughts of a sweet, PINK little girls room is starting to fade away.  And to top it off, I'm wearing a PINK sweater today.  I'm going upstairs to change.

One Week Later

I'm amazed by all that happened one week ago today.  I'm even more amazed at how easy this recovery is.  My mom left on day 4 and I've been on my own since.  Today I ventured out for the first time.  I attempted to squeeze into blue jeans so I could look somewhat presentable out in public.  While I could certainly zip up my jeans and be comfortable standing, sitting was another story -- too much pressure on one of the healing incisions.  Back to yoga pants I go and all you local friends will just have to deal with it until the swelling goes away.

I really want to publicly thank the heroes who came to my rescue last Friday.  Sure, I've written them all thanks but these people are true, amazing friends, the kind you can call at 3:00am when all chaos breaks loose. 

First of all, our friends S & H from Jay's old office.  I really thought it best to call on someone who doesn't have kids of their own to juggle while watching my kids for an unknown period of time.  S & H were the ones who received that 3am phone call from Jay and S met me in the ER quickly, picked up my boys, traded cars, drove my boys home and put them to bed before crashing in our guest room for a few more hours until sunrise.  He kept my kids occupied with games in the morning until back-up arrived.  He served us incredibly in our time of need and knowing my boys were safe with someone they knew took so much stress off my mind.  Thanks guys, we love you!

Then at 7am, Jay called our friend B for back-up.  He has grown kids out of the house but he was the perfect one to call even if it meant he had to call off every single meeting he had on his calendar that day.  He rushed over to our house, helped my boys get dressed, took them out to breakfast, back to his house to pick up a few things and to play with Zeke the Golden Retriever, then out to lunch at McDonald's and then to the park to play.  I'm sure my boys kept him busy and entertained at the same time.  He served us for 8+ hours until my mom arrived at 4pm and took over.  Thanks, B.  I owe you Chicken Biryani, Deep Dish Pizza and so much more!

To all of you who kept up with my Facebook status updates and called and texed during the day, thank you!  I really didn't feel alone knowing you were all a phone call or text away.  A laptop or a webphone would have been nice to read your comments, prayers and well wishes as you sent them, but they were wonderful to read when I returned home Friday night.  Your prayers carried me through emotionally and physically! 

My neighbor and hospital ER doc (he had just left the ER when I was driving myself in), visited me after surgery and brought beautiful flowers in a ceramic mug that will surely become one of my favorites for tea.  Not only was it awesome to have a visitor on that crazy day, but it was nice to see his bedside manner and his empathy for me when I was feeling and looking my worst.  Thanks, T.  Thanks a million!

With all the texts and phone calls and chaos I had completely forgotten that my oldest boy had an event to attend on Saturday morning.  Thankfully, this was on the radar of my friend T who texted back and forth trying to figure out a way to get C to the Mayor's Run early on Saturday morning whether I was home or still in the hospital.  She picked up my boy bright and early on Saturday and took him downtown for the run, found him in the crowd at the finish line and brought him home.  Thanks for remembering my boy, T and for shuttling him around so he could still enjoy the event he was looking forward to.  He was probably completely exhausted, but he really enjoyed it and thanks you too.

My friend M brought over some grocery items for lunches on Saturday when I was home.  She knew my mom would have dinners covered as long as she stayed here, but M brought over deli meats, cheeses and rolls for sandwiches.  This really made an impression on my mom and we love the idea.  We'll both be paying it forward to friends in the future with a similar gesture.  Not having to think through lunches really took the pressure off my mom and it served her greatly.  Thanks, M!

I'm thankful for my friend A who stopped by to visit once I was home.  Our families have been travelling a similar, scary road together over the last couple of months and it was nice to talk to each other about our pending moves, housing markets, real estate transactions and stuff other than the mess I was in that weekend. 

My neighbor K brought over warm brownies and a card colored by her 2 cute kids and it's still on my fridge.  Her husband B mowed my lawn for me on Sunday after a busy, insane, crazy week of his own at work, probably his biggest week of the year.  There was a potential house showing for us the next day and we knew we'd need someone to help us mow and B was there.  My other neighbor S might help me mow this weekend because I don't think starting the mower will feel good to my midsection.  We'll see, S.  I might have to take you up on it, but I'll be able to pick up the doggie landmines first!  I seriously cry ugly tears at the thought of leaving such awesome neighbors!

I can't thank my friend J enough for putting together a meal calendar for after my mom left.  Here's the thing: the last few days I have felt great and I texted J last night to tell her to please cancel these meals.  I can't accept them knowing there are other families out there who could use assistance more than I can right now.  I'm happy to announce that I can bend to get pots and pans and get things into the oven.  I have enough energy during the day to cook 1 meal and serve easy stuff like cereal for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch.  Today I ventured out to get a few groceries (I'm still not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds) to make lasagna on Sunday at my boys request.  So thanks to J for texting and emailing and coordinating and I'm sorry to cancel all your hard work.  Thanks to those of you who signed up to help.  Please go serve someone in greater need and bless them instead!  J also sent me some awesome teas to enjoy as I rest and relax at home.  We've talked about getting together one night after all the kids are in bed just so we can enjoy a night of girl talk!  Yes, please!!!

My friend T did bring dinner last night though. Yesterday was the first day I wasn't dog tired but the day before I was still just exhausted and thought a meal on Thursday night would be OK. But it was still hard to accept yesterday, but I did because I knew she'd already grocery shopped and prepared the meal for us. I appreciated the meal because it meant I didn't have to over-do myself on my first day of feeling close to 100%.  T, you'll have to tell me what was in the creamy white sauce in the Meatball Casserole because it was SO GOOD! Cream cheese? Sour cream? Recipe please!

The doctors, nurses, my husband and my mom are the real heroes here though.  My husband talked to me through the midnight pain and talked to the boys, arranged childcare from the west coast, dealt with new insurance to make sure we'd be covered.  The hospital staff took care of me physically, particularly when I was miserably waiting forever to get pain meds post-op back in my room.  Even the administration was awesome with me, understanding that I was alone with 2 kids.  They assured me that's exactly when these emergencies happen!  Probably true and they must see it every single day.

Mother's Day will be extra hard for me this year because of what my mom just did for me last week.  She's amazing!  She took my phone call at 5:30am and drove 8 hours to get here.  She took care of my boys all evening and picked me up at the hospital at 9pm when I was discharged.  She paid for my prescription when my insurance didn't work at Walgreen's.  She put my boys to bed and got me settled in at home.  She shopped, she cleaned, she entertained, she gardened, she served.  She's Supermom!  I wish I could see her in person this Sunday to throw my arms around her, give her the gift I ordered (that just arrived on my doorstep today), and thank her for being the most amazing mom ever.  I hate the idea of moving even further away from her but I pray that retirement could mean she'll spend some winter months out in CA with us.  I love you, mom!  You are amazing! 

Now that I'm sobbing over the gratefulness for my heroes, I'll end here.  My friends taught me the true meaning of friendship and I'll be a better friend because of those who served me.  Go out and be a hero to someone.  Help someone in need with a few groceries, some flowers, a visit and a chat.  It will serve them and will teach them more than you know and hopefully they'll pay it forward.   I will.  Will you?