9 Months

Our Quiet Tiger has been in our family for 9 months today!  Gotcha Day (May 28) in China seems like a lifetime ago!  It feels like our daughter has always been here with us.

9 months ago today - Gotcha Day - May 28
Oh, how she HATED the camera and would cry every time I  held it up.
All my pictures of Gotcha Day are blurry because she ran away and wanted nothing to do with me.

Walking around with the photo album I had made her and mailed to the orphanage months before my arrival.
More blurry pictures while mommy signed temporary custody papers.  :(
Oh, how those shoes were way too small and her toes were tightly curled up inside.

Finally a clear picture back at the hotel and all alone with mommy
and big tears in her eyes.  The book - her only possession - still in hand.

She has put on 6.5 pounds and 1.5 inches since coming home.  She comprehends our language and her words are exploding, with probably around 50 or 60 plus words that she uses correctly now.  Heck, she may have more than that - I've lost count.  She's starting to put 2 and 3 words together in small sentences but that is pretty seldom still.  Currently she is all about learning her colors.  She'll point to her shirt and say it's color.  If she's wrong, she'll repeat the proper color after I re-correct.  She'll constantly bring me toys and items and say it's color with fairly good accuracy.  She is so smart!  She still loves music, her favorite song being "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."  She loves to be tickled and will often lift up her shirt, show us her belly and ask, "Tickle?"  Then when we put our hand up in the air to tickle her she'll shout and laugh a long, drawn out, "Oh noooooooo!!!!" as our hands close in on her.  She's silly!

Her one-handedness does not hold her back.  Her newest feat is learning to take her clothes off, pushing down her pants and pulling her arms out of shirts.  If I put her in zippered, 1-piece footed pajamas, she'll be out of them in no time and I've often found her running around in a diaper rather than the pajamas I'd just put on her.  Her latest word is "tricky," if she has trouble doing something.  And it isn't much trouble she's having as it is wanting me to do something for her.  I'll always air on the side of letting her figure it out for herself.  The biggest trouble so far is pulling her pants up when getting dressed.  She has to learn how to stretch her full arm all the way around, grab the waistband with her 1 hand and inch her pants up.

Her hair is growing out and is very thick!  Right now it's at that difficult point where I either want to cut it short again like a pretty pixie cut or keep dealing with sprouts on the top of her head to keep the hair out of her eyes as it grows long.  I'll go with the latter.  Her hair still has the tendency to grow straight forward and needs some serious training to part on the side correctly.  She likes wearing sprouts and tails, but she continues to rip out any barrettes I put in.  So, tails it is.  My mom and stepdad are coming for Easter and the plan will be to take L for her first cut in a salon just to give her hair some more shape.    I'll be sure to take photos.

This is a pretty standard look for L first thing in the morning.
Massive bed-head!

We have attempted potty training but she is just nowhere near ready.  I'm guessing she spent many hours in the orphanage in soaking wet diapers and she doesn't mind being wet.  I've tried diapers and I've tried putting her in underwear and she simply doesn't care or even notice that she's wet.  And she'll scream something horrible at the suggestion of sitting on the potty, so I'm not pushing it.  She's not ready.

L has learned to play well on her own, especially while I'm busy with home school for the boys.  She very rarely sits with us while they work.  She's too busy!  

Friends in my adoption group have been commenting recently about regression in their kids.  It seems many of these kids are having issues resurface as of late.  I'm by no means an international adoption expert, I'm flying by the seat of my pants daily, but many of us are seeing that the 8-10 month mark can bring on some regression in our kids.  I'm finding this to be true for us too.

L's issues with food resurfaced last month.  At first I chalked it up to her first doozy of a cold that she had.  A cold will often take away an appetite and that's precisely what happened to L.  As long as she had her sippy cup with her, she was happy getting fluids, but she really didn't want to eat because she felt so lousy.  During this time she slimmed down quite a bit which I quickly found out ended our battle with leaky diapers.  She was never overweight, but she had a belly on her.  That belly would push down on the diaper and cause it to fall below her waistline and gap and leak.  Any brand, any size, all diapers leaked.

Once the cold was over, her appetite returned and she began eating normally again.  For the first few weeks after the cold was over, she was eating just fine and her spirits were high.  But then someone or something triggered a switch.  She began shoving food in her mouth, eating way too fast, gulping down a meal, desiring mass quantities and eating more than her brothers again.  Her tears and sobs while I was cooking and preparing a meal returned, as did and her uncontrollable hysterics when a meal was over.  To have all these food issues return full force exhausted me and "Here we go again," was often uttered to myself. 

What's more is that she also needed a major attitude adjustment.  She began giving me an evil eye whenever I asked her to do something or disciplined her not to do something.  If she threw a toy and I asked her not to, she'd pick it right back up and throw it again.  If I told her not to stand on the laundry basket, she'd give me a look and climb right back up.  If Jay told her not to play with the dishes in the living room left from dessert, she'd cry and scream huge tears.  If I reminded her to spit the toothpaste into the sink, she'd swallow it with a look in her eye that said, "I'm not listening to you."  Any time of day, any day of the week, she did not want to listen to anything we had to say.

Starting her day off with a temper tantrum and the naughty step.
(sigh)

You can say that's typical 2 year old behavior and I'd agree with you in part.  But coupled with that and the food issues, I knew we were looking at regression again.  We can add one more thing to the list too.

Last month she began crying again if I left the room.  I couldn't go to the garage for 30 seconds to look for a tape measure without her screaming, wailing, dramatic crocodile tears.  I couldn't go outside with the dog or go to the restroom without her incessant carrying on.  And leaving her at the house with Jay and the boys for my weekly grocery run would leave her in a puddle.  

Oddly enough, what I have seen almost completely stop is her RMD, her head banging and leg kicking in the crib at bed time and nap time.  I'd expect that would have increased during a regression, not decreased.  How very odd.  An interesting observation to say the least.

We've had "mini-regressions" before, but this one is full-blown.  We'll get through it.  I have a feeling that's the way it's going to be with our Quiet Tiger - one step forward, two steps back.

Our Quiet Tiger today
9 months after Gotcha

How Much Can You Handle?

Our adoption was a disaster.  If you've followed me long enough you know all the setbacks we had, all the unexpected twists and turns that nearly caused us to give up and throw in the towel on multiple occasions.  And if you read my post last week you'll know that the blows to the gut just keep happening.  I'm fried.

Many people asked me how I made it through the chaos.  Truthfully I didn't handle it well.  Come this summer when we were unemployed, living at my mother-in-laws, and coming up with zero ministry jobs anywhere in the country, I couldn't even post anything about what was going on because I was sure that one more negative thing, one more hardship we faced would drive you all away from us.  Many of you offered prayers and love and support in ways we cannot simply thank you enough.  While we had the support of family and friends, even good meaning Christians would lovingly tell us that:

"God doesn't give us more than we can handle."

Well, that's not true, friends.  

It's not true.  

The Bible verse that those are referencing is from 1 Corinthians where Paul is talking about temptation (specifically talking about getting drunk during Communion).  It is true that God will not allow you to be tempted beyond more than you can bear.  But in regards to every day stresses of life and the ugliness it brings, He'll give you more than you can handle.

I think of Lily's family and how my friends are coping with the daily life and death struggles their beautiful empress is going through.  If you've followed their blog posts, you know how painfully agonizing their journey has been.  I won't expound on that because it's their story to share and you can read their journey on your own.  But I have been a tearful, prayerful wreck and have had such a huge burden on my heart for these friends and all the life threatening circumstances that are thrown at their tiny 3 year old daughter.

Would you be able to bear weeks and months in the hospital?

Would you be able to bear seeing your child in pain?

Would you be able to bear hearing the doctors reiterate, "Your child is very sick."  

No, I didn't think so.  And that weight is more than any loving parent could bear.  It just doesn't matter how strong you are.

Would you be able to deal with a failed adoption and the loss of $9000?  

How about unexpected surgery and medical bills that followed?  

What about 2 job losses in 2 years?  

Could you move your young children across the country to new locales not once but twice?  

Can you afford two car accidents?  

How about the sudden death of a pet from an unknown poison (probably a snake bite)?  

I know others among us are struggling so much more, yet that has been my life these last 3 years.  Contrary to popular belief (sarcasm fully intended), I am most definitely NOT Superwoman.

If God gave us everything we could handle, friends,
why on earth would we ever need Him?  

We wouldn't!  

We simply wouldn't need Him if we could run our lives our own way and get through any messes and trials all on our own power.  And furthermore, numerous verses in the Bible would be completely false if we could handle life on our own.  Emily pointed one specifically out to me not long ago over a nice Facebook chat:

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest.  

Put on my yoke and learn from me.  

I'm gentle and humble.  

And you will find rest for yourselves.  

My yoke is easy to bear and my burden is light."

God knew we'd be burdened with troubles more than we can carry on our own.  God knew that sweet Lily would fight for her life.  God knew that our adoption would be ugly, and He knew that our family would crawl through unemployment, and a brand new career and the home buying process, and be faced with more battles like car accidents and the sudden death of a loved dog long before his prime.  

Yes, friends, I have more on my plate than I can handle.  Yes, it's painful.  Yes, I cry a lot these days.  Yes, I'm fearful about what could possibly happen next (and yes, I know that God tells us not to fear too).  

You may have an unbearable weight on your shoulders.  If you don't now, you probably have in the past or something will come up in the future.  John 16:33 says, 

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  

Friends, don't believe the false truth 
that God won't give you more than you can handle.  

He wants you to call out to Him to help you through the mess.  It doesn't mean it won't be ugly.  It doesn't mean it won't hurt.  It doesn't mean you won't struggle.  It doesn't mean you won't question His goodness.  But He will be there in the midst.  He'll help you through it.

I'm Tired of Drama

It's been a bad week.  A very bad week.  You know friends, I'm really sick of drama.  Ever since we started our adoption process our life has turned into a soap opera.  Friends who have met me only in the last year or so would never know that life was once happy, easy, comfortable, the most boring reality show you'd ever see.  Then we decided to adopt and all hell broke loose.  The last 3 years I have hoped and prayed that when our adoption came to an end, that our drama would come to an end.  I fully expected it.

On Monday Jay was in a car accident.  It was just a fender bender.  Two cars at a complete stop, the front car starts to move, Jay checks his blind spot and in that instant the car ahead of him hit the brake for no apparent reason and Jay rear ended him.  The guy's truck didn't have a scratch but our Escape wasn't so lucky.  Although drivable, the slight tap made the airbags deploy, the passenger airbag cracked the windshield and the grill came off.  Thankfully Jay is alright, just an airbag burn on his wrist that looks nasty but is feeling better day by day.

The other driver said there was no need to call the police since his truck was fine, so there was no ticket issued.  And when I signed up for new insurance when we moved to Texas, I knew that our new insurance does not offer "accident forgiveness" and they said our rates (the quote they gave was great!) would definitely go up if we had an accident.  So, we are going to get the repairs done on our own and not go through insurance unless the friends looking at the vehicle find more wrong with it than we know.  Our neighbor across the street is in auto sales and has connections to parts at wholesale prices and his dad or father-in-law (can't recall which) can do some of the work for us.

There have been blessings in the accident too though.  Jay's officemate offered a gift to help cover some of the repairs.  And Jay even got a new client that morning because he went right to the office instead of running an errand that morning and a new client just happened to walk in looking to roll over an old account.  It wasn't a huge account by any means, but it's an account!

However the accident really left me in a heap.  Life for the last 3 years has been ugly and I really just don't understand why God would allow it all to happen.  And the fact that it keeps happening is just gut wrenching.  I told Jay in tears that I'm just scared and am just really tired of life.  I told him how mad I am at God and how I've yelled at Him since the accident.  And of course, I said, "I just don't know how much more I can take."

Enter something more.

On Saturday night one of our dogs died.  He was only 4 years old and very healthy, up to date on all shots and in very good spirits.  Late last week I heard him gagging on something, trying to cough something up.  The episode lasted an hour or so and he was back to his normal self, wrestling with his brother from the same litter, eating, drinking, barking and keeping watch over the house.  Then in the middle of the night a few nights later I heard him whining to go out.  But it was a night when I felt terrible from the cold that my daughter gave me that settled into my chest.  I knew I would be walking into a filthy kitchen the next morning, but I couldn't get out of bed.  Sure enough, Jay called me down the next morning on his way out the door for work and I scrubbed the kitchen floor to clean up the dog mess.  I did notice 2 pieces of tiny legos on the floor, so I guessed that he had eaten them earlier in the week, but they were the tiny ones, so they passed right through him.

But after that he has been just fine.  I watched him closely and he had been completely normal, eating, running, barking, jumping, mooching, snuggling, etc.  Normal, happy, young American Eskimo.  Even on Saturday night, the boys fed both dogs and they ate and wrestled and seemed fine.  We had had a great day outside in the backyard enjoying the beautiful weather.

At 9:30 he started shaking his head violently and rubbing his muzzle on the floor.  That seemed odd.  I gave him a good scratch and he seemed fine and curled up on the floor.  Maybe 20 or 30 minutes later he got up and started heading to the kitchen and his back legs wouldn't work.  He was walking like he was drunk, back legs going everywhere except straight.  But he got to the kitchen and laid down on his side.  I knew something was desperately wrong.

I held him and watched his stomach twitch.  I guessed that he had probably ingested more than those 2 tiny lego pieces and something was lodged in his digestive system.  I carried him into the other room where Jay was and the boys crowded around.  It was after 10pm and I hadn't put them to bed yet.  I told them that Kenai was very sick and maybe we should sleep in the living room to be near him.  The kids grabbed their sleeping bags and pillows and I took Kenai to the kitchen where he could lay on the cool floor.  At one point he got up and wanted to go outside and did so under his own power so I had hopes that maybe he was just trying to pass something.  I brought him inside and cleaned up his backside and laid him down again.

I got on the laptop to find an emergency vet.  I wasn't on long before I heard Kenai crying in pain.  Again I went to him to comfort him and rushed back to the computer.  I couldn't find a vet that was open on Sundays or that late at night on a Saturday.  I kept searching and finally found one right near Jay's office.  As I was reading their hours, I heard Kenai's breathing change in the other room.  I set down the laptop and went to him and he died in my arms within seconds.

I know it's just a car and I know it's just a dog.

Friends, I've been a Christian my whole life, raised in a Christian home.  I know that God is good and that all things happen in His timing for His purposes.  I know I'm supposed to trust Him and not live in fear of whats going to happen next.  I know He can take my yelling and my anger, even when it's pointed directly at Him.  But what on earth am I supposed to do with all of this?  I feel like He's hitting me over the head with a crowbar saying, "McFly... Hello McFly..." trying to get my attention, but I just don't get what He wants from me.

Please pray for me.

Kenai,  I love you.

Happy New Year!

新年快乐

Xin Nian Kuai Le

Happy Chinese New Year 

and

Welcome, Year of the Snake!

I had fun with our first official Chinese/Lunar New Year celebration this year with our daughter home for the past 8 months.

Normally I'm not a crafty person, but with home schooling, I need to get my boys to do creative, artistic things.  So on Friday and Saturday we made snakes to decorate the house.  We made toilet paper roll snakes and we made construction paper chain snakes (two-headed snakes, no less) and construction paper lanterns.
  

Of course, my love of cooking always plays a role and I planned my menu.  For my friends who love to cook, please check out this cookbook.  It was given to us by Jay's Godparents who lived in China on sabbatical and thought these recipes looked quite good and authentic.  We haven't found a recipe we dislike!  They are all great!

I knew I wanted to search for an Asian market in town to see if I could get some authentic decor for TheYear of the Snake and I found Tim's Oriental & Seafood Market here in San Antonio.  Much to my surprise, they didn't have much in the line of holiday decorations but their food selection was great.  What I also found out was that Tim's Market was planning a New Year Celebration for that Sunday afternoon.  I immediately knew I wanted to attend and we made our plans to go after church.

We dressed for church on Sunday, L in her chi pao, my boys in their China shirts and we took lots of pictures.  But the unexpected happened.  Our church had planned a pot luck that we didn't know about because we missed church the week before with a sick girl and a sick mommy.  We were still invited to attend even though we didn't bring a dish and Jay had the opportunity to connect with an old friend from his Student Ministry days at Willow Creek.  What was extra fun about that lunch was that we have a few Korean families attending our church and they brought some amazing Korean food.  Oh YUMMY!  What a treat.  

Watching the clock, I fully felt that we had missed our window to see the New Year celebration at my new found Asian market but we drove over there anyway just in case it was still going on.  We made it!  And WOW!  It didn't disappoint.  We watched the show and then I showed Jay around the store that I had visited with the kids that week prior.  I won't say much about the show because I'll let you see for yourself in a quick 5 minute video.  It was awesome!

We came home and enjoyed our meal of Hot and Sour Soup, Cashew Beef over Noodles, Chicken & Pork Fried Rice, and Dumplings.  L gobbled it all up.  Later we opened our Red Envelopes which I filled with chocolate coins instead of traditional cash and we ate some coconut jellies and oranges (the kids ate the oranges, Jay and I were stuffed!).  The only thing I wish I would have done was to pick up some of those floating red lantern things that you can buy at the fireworks stands.  It would have been fun to send 5 (or maybe a luckier number like 8) lanterns off into the sky before bedtime.

It was a full, fun day and it was simply a privilege to celebrate my daughter's culture.  I'd by lying if I said I didn't tear up every now and then.  That's why for me and the passion God gave me for other cultures, international adoption was simply right for our family.

Wishing you a healthy and prosperous Year of the Snake!

House Photos (Finally)

I've been having issues with Blogger when it comes to uploading pictures, so I decided to create a movie with house pictures instead.  But because I set it to music the movie isn't viewable on mobile devices on YouTube, which I know many of my friends use.  So, back to Blogger.  Here are some pictures of our home, furnished and clean (yeah, it's never clean).

All the rooms are a standard builder beige, even the ceilings.  I'd love to roll a little Benjamin Moore Ceiling White up there to brighten things up a little.  Yet I have no intention of painting anytime soon, much to the surprise of all my friends who know how much I love color.  Missing a dear friend, the late, great Carmen L who helped us with the paint colors in our first house in Illinois.  All the windows have white wood blinds, but eventually some hardware and curtains will be nice to bring in some colors and patterns.

Photo from the listing.  I'd like a cute bench on the front porch.

Living room.  Taken from the front door.

Living room taken from the front corner.  Still need to get a bracket and hang the TV on the wall.  

Living room taken from the garage entry door.  The living room was pre-wired with Sony speakers for surround sound, but we can't get it to work.  Not a necessity at this time.

Dining room.  I'd really like a buffet along that wall for my china and serving dishes.  Salvation Army had a really cute one when we first moved here but it wasn't priced well for a resale shop.

Room enough to expand my Ikea table when we entertain but we keep it small for day-to-day.  We do most of our home school at the dining room table.

Living and dining rooms as seen from the stairs.

Kitchen.

Enough space to eat in.  Doors lead to deck out back.

A small, narrow island would be really nice eventually.

Stairs, powder room and guest room down the small hall.

Powder room.  I could see myself painting this room eventually.

1st floor master bedroom is our guest room.  This room was my storage room for the longest time, holding all the items I couldn't find a place for.  Thus, the long wait for photos.

Door leads to the 1st floor master bath.  I put our ancient desktop computer down here so guests can watch something online since we're not doing cable right now.  Having the computer desk down here really opens up the loft too.

1st floor master bath.  Still builder beige, just photographed yellow with the flash.

Jetted tub is nice.  I regret getting rid of my old shower curtain and set from our first house in Chicago because now I need something here.

Opposite the tub/shower is a HUGE walk-in closet that stores all my china and serving dishes for now.

Upstairs master bedroom is at the top of the stairs to the left.  This is a dark picture but I still like it.

A brighter picture.  Door in the back leads to the 2nd floor master bath.

Another view.  Yes, I'll have my daughter's picture above the bed soon.  Door in the back leads to the closet.

Still need to re-string the mirror wire and get that on my wall.  I would have loved to hang my grandmother's mirror above my dresser like in Nebraska but it broke during the move.  :(

Huge upstairs master closet.  It's U-shaped.

2nd floor master bath.

Standard tub/shower up here.

And a little window overlooking the back yard.

Pretty upstairs hallway.  Master bedroom is behind me to my right.  Loft is next to me on my left.

Loft is our boy's playroom.

And Russell our guinea pig calls the loft his home.

One more view.

Jay's office.  Barely anything in there right now.

Jay's office.  Just a make-shift desk, a file cabinet (thanks Freecycle) and our printer.

Jay's office facing out.

L's room from the doorway.  My mom and I will paint my old doll cradle when she visits in a couple months.

Still have the zebra theme going on like in our house in Nebraska.

Upstairs laundry room.  Feels slightly wider than my Nebraska laundry room which is a blessing.

Kid's bathroom.

Same fish theme as we had in Nebraska.

Huge linen closet across from the kid's bathroom.

The boy's room at the very end of the hall.

Big enough for their old train table filled with Legos.

Boy's room looking out.

The deck.  Photo from listing.

The second level of the deck.  Photo from listing.  I have my black table where their picnic table was.

Back of the house.  Photo from listing.

From the far corner of the lot.

We are blessed and after not having a home for a year and living with different host families, I don't take it for granted.  It's a blessing and we hope to share it with all who come to visit!