An Open Letter to RAD Grandparents Everywhere

Dear Grandparent of a RAD Child,

I'm sending this letter with an URGENT stamp on it because it is of highest importance!  You are  part of our family, part of our team and we need you.  Raising a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is so incredibly difficult and we, your grown kids, need your help.  Thanks to trusted professionals, I have some detailed advice for you on how to help your RAD grandchild thrive while under your care.  What I have to outline looks likely very different from what you envisioned grand-parenting to be like.  Rest assured, we have recently put this outline to the test and have every reason to believe that it works!  Disclaimer:  Run this post by your adult children and allow them to tailor this to the needs of their family.  But these guidelines from our attachment therapist worked wonders for our family!

Here are the top 10 list of Dos and Don'ts:

(In no particular order...)

***  ONE  ***

Don't:  Allow your RAD grandchild any unsupervised, independent time alone!  These kids can and do get into trouble quickly!  They love to see what they can get away with!

Do: Keep a 6-Foot Rule.  Keep these kids close to you all day long.  They can play at your feet or sit on the couch next to you.  If you need to cook a meal, they can sit at the table doing a quiet project.  If you need to get work done outside, they can follow you or you can even tie a 6-foot rope from your belt loop to theirs!  If you are out in public, the child should walk next to you, preferably holding hands with you, or slightly behind you -- never out in front or running off from you!



***  TWO  ***

Don't:  Go out for lots of special events.  Taking these kids to the zoo or a favorite restaurant can cause a child to feel unsafe away from home, even though they may show excitement with a special trip.  They can become over stimulated and wreak havoc everywhere they go!  Trust me, my mother-in-law took my kids everywhere during one of our work trips and my daughter stole from shops, threw massive tantrums in public, and on and on.  Save yourself the hassle and embarrassment!

Do:  Stay home with the kids.  No amusement parks.  No special shopping trips (no special gifts for them either).  No zoo.  No dinners out.  No picnics by the lake.  No walks to the park to play!  Stay home!  This is the child's safe zone.  We want all the fun stuff, the awesome activities to come from mom and dad!



***  THREE  ***

Don't:  Offer sweet treats!

Do:  You're not surprised to hear that kids consume too much sugar these days!  Sugar alters the brain and there is science to back up that statement!  We do not offer sweets in our house unless on very special occasions.  Sugar amps up my daughter like no other!  Grandparents, offer healthy meals and maybe eliminate desserts all together while the child is in your care!  Feed your RAD child a lot of protein-rich foods to fill them up!  Again, we want all the special fun treats to come from mom and dad!



***  FOUR  ***

Don't: Allow the child any choices!  This will lead to manipulation and trouble!  You'll have a child who constantly is pushing you to get what they want.  They'll start with something small and work their way up.  And contrary to popular opinion, these kids cannot and should not get what they want all the live long day!

Do:  Make all the decisions, every decision, all day long for the child.  This includes laying out clothes, shoes, what will be served for all meals and snacks, what you will do throughout the day.  I'm not kidding when I say the child gets zero choices!



***  FIVE  ***

Don't:  Allow electronic devices of any kind!

Do:  Unplug!  This won't come as a shock to your generation: kids these days are obsessed with electronics!  They don't connect to people one-on-one.  So why on earth would we give an attachment challenged child an electronic game, laptop, device or TV of any kind?  My daughter easily becomes obsessed with any kind of electronic device she is given and will easily throw a raging fit if you take it away!  These kids need to learn how to connect with people and they cannot do that if they have their eyes glued to an electronic screen!  Turn off the TV and hide the remotes.  Unplug the DVD player and stash it in a storage closet.  Remove your laptops or computers.  Hopefully parents have made sure handheld devices aren't even available, but if the child sneaks one in, take it away and lock it up somewhere.   If the parents want to Skype or Facetime while they are away, do so on their schedule and make sure the computer is removed after the call.

Do also alternate play time with exercise time.  Make sure these kids get lots of exercise during the day!  A tired child is a child who sleeps well.  And a rested child is much easier to deal with!  Go for long walks.  Have them jump rope, jump on a trampoline, play basketball if you have a hoop, be active!  Alternate that exercise time with more quiet play like artwork or reading (a book, not an electronic device).  We use a block of 30-40 minutes for exercise time and quiet play.



***  SIX  ***

Don't:  Change the schedule.  Stick as close to the child's known schedule as possible.  These kids are master manipulators and they love to manipulate grandparents!  In our house, we actually have blue painter's tape over every digital clock in the house because knowing the time of day turns our RAD daughter into a master manipulator!

Do:  Keep mealtimes, play times and bed times as close to normal as possible.  The change from being away from mom and dad is change enough!  Keeping close to their known routine will help a child feel safe, reducing the amount of misbehavior.



***  SEVEN  ***

Don't:  Put up with violent behavior.  Some of our RAD kids are known to be violent at times.  They might have a history of hurting themselves or others.  Obviously, this needs to be stopped immediately!  Hopefully, your RAD grandchild will be on their most excellent behavior with you and these outbursts won't even happen!

Do:  Be prepared!  If your grandchild rages, put the child in their room with the door closed until they are quiet for 2-3 minutes straight.  Hold or swaddle the child in a sheet if the child is younger and you are able.  Hold them tightly until you feel their body relax.  If the child is staying in your home, you may want to create a safe space for them such as a guest room with all (and I mean all) breakables and valuables removed.  You'll be surprised what these kids can get into and break when they are angry and scared and acting out!



***  EIGHT  ***

Don't:  Plan out your day.  No agendas, no checklists, bucket lists, etc.

Do:  Keep your child in the present.  Don't share any thoughts or ideas about what is going to happen during the day.  This can cause manipulation and games.  Even if you say you're going to grill chicken for dinner in a few hours and you mistakenly burn the chicken and have to order pizzas, that is enough to make the child feel unsafe and become massively dis-regulated!  Keep all conversation about the here and now!



***  NINE  ***

Don't:  Hug your grandchildren.  I know.  You think I'm a whack, a nut, and you're about ready to just turn off your computer and never open it again.  Hugs are an intimate point of bonding!  Yes, these kids needs lots of hugs to heal their broken RAD hearts.  But those hugs must come from the parents only!  These kids can tend to parent-shop and cling to whoever will give them the love, joy and affection they need.  They need to learn to find that in their parents first!

Do:  Offer high fives and pats on the back.  Believe it or not, you can still offer affection without a hug and kiss to your precious grandbaby!  A smile, a high five, pats on the back and solid eye contact are plenty for the RAD child.  The goal here is that we want the child missing those hugs, that closeness, that bonding from mom and dad!  I can personally attest that we have done this and when we returned home after a week away, my RAD child sought me out in the van on the way home from the airport, reaching out to me, wanting to hold my hand, to be as close to me as possible!  As absurd as this sounds, grandparents, this works!  I've seen it.  I've lived it!



***  TEN  ***

Don't:  Talk about these strange, odd rules in front of the RAD child.  Don't talk badly about the parents.  This easily causes the child to think their parents really are crazy and that they shouldn't mind them.  All the work your grown children have done with therapists will go down the drain very quickly if the RAD child knows you're not part of the team!

Do:  Talk up your grown children and make sure your grandchild knows what awesome parents they have!  The work we are doing raising these kids is agonizingly hard!  We've had to learn a whole new set of parenting techniques to heal these kids and their broken hearts and misfiring brains!  We fight so hard for these kids and we see countless therapists and put our time and money into finding proper help that we so desperately need!  Your grown children need your love and support now, perhaps, more than ever!  And your grandchildren need to see you cheering the parents on like crazy!



***  ELEVEN (because this really needs to be added)  ***

Don't:  Forget about your healthy grandkids.  Your healthy grandkids deal with a lot of stress in their homes with a sibling with RAD.  They deal with the behaviors, the manipulation, the therapies and trips to the professionals too.  They need a break just as much as the weary parents do!

Do:  Spoil your healthy grandkids!  Spoil them rotten!  Love on them!  They need you to pour into them.  Now, there is a balance here when you have healthy kids and RAD kids.  If there are 2 grandparents available, have 1 stay home with the RAD child while the second grandparent takes the healthy grandkids to a movie, to the pool, to the store for a special treat, to the frozen yogurt shop, you name it!  Healthy kids can handle all that stuff and they need it because they give up a lot of this in their every day lives!  If there is only 1 grandparent available, make that spoiling time after the RAD child has gone to bed.  Rent a movie, make ice cream sundaes, have a campfire outside and roast marshmallows, have special gifts tucked away from them that they can open and play with away from their siblings' eyes!  And your favorite thing:  hug the stuffing out of your healthy grandkids!  They need it!  They need your love pouring into them!



Grandparents, remember that old joke about your job as grandparent is to spoil your grandbabies rotten and then send them back to their parents all hyped up and wild?  I know we all laugh at that.  But your grown child of a RAD child begs you to reconsider!  Not adhering to your grown child's parenting wishes and desires could set your RAD grandbaby back months!  Please do all you can to listen to and abide by the advice, rules, limits your grown kids put before you.  You hate it when someone wastes your time or money, right?  Well, don't waste your grown kids' time and money that they have put into therapies and professional help for their RAD kids!

Grandparents, you can do this!  I know it sounds scary and maybe even downright ludicrous!  But I can attest to you that my mom and stepdad just did all the above during our 10 days away and it worked!  They did an amazing job at keeping these rules suggested by our Attachment Therapist.  Not only was my mom pleased with her time here, she actually enjoyed it!  While my RAD daughter played quietly 6 feet away from her, she painted my deck (something I had the desire to do myself, but had no time to do myself because of therapies for my RAD child).  They took walks.  They read books.  They colored.  They worked in the yard using a 6-foot rope around their belt loops to keep my daughter close.  They didn't go to the zoo.  They didn't go out for pizza.  They stayed close to home and they ordered pizza for delivery.

Grandparents, I can fully attest to you that when we came home, my RAD daughter was excited to see us!  She hugged us and smiled and almost couldn't take her eyes off of us!  She wanted to engage and touch and be held.  She wanted that close attachment that comes so agonizingly hard for her!  The program worked and we were all pleased, parents and grandparents alike!

And lastly, Grandparents, I want you to know that this is all very likely temporary!  With hope and with therapy, these kids (my RAD child included) can heal from Reactive Attachment Disorder!  With time, hopefully your RAD grandkids will heal and become that healthy child everyone wants them to be!  And when that time comes, you will be able to spoil them rotten like you so badly want to do!  We have your back!  We believe in you!  You can do this!  Your grown kids and your grandkids (healthy and RAD) need you so much!

Post Camp Update - Phase II

We have officially completed Phase 2 of Quiet Tiger's post-camp therapy.  As said in my last post, these last 6 were a bit easier, but not by much.  In fact, life had to happen a little bit (no, a lot) more during Phase 2, because we had given up everything on our calendars during Phase 1.  And then a few things happened here and there, leading us to switch up the process of Phase 2 a little bit.  Confused?  Hang on and I'll explain.

I've got to say that 12 weeks, that's 3 months of this, has honestly ruined our summer.  I'm not going to apologize for sounding pathetic or overly dramatic.  I haven't seen friends, I haven't been to church, I haven't been able to talk on the phone with family or friends because the girl will react and try to control.  And after 7pm when she goes to bed is the only family time or me time I'd get before I'd hit the sack at 10:30pm.  I'm so, so, so D - O - N - E!

Here is what our last 6 weeks have looked like:

Talking changed slightly as we began Phase 2.  We were able to talk "to" her again, but only using simple phrases like, "Good!  Well done!  Good job!"  We were able to give her simple directions as she re-learned tasks and we said things like, "Stay on.... don't get off."

Quiet Tiger received a tiny bit more freedom from being in the front carrier.  I still had to carry her 6 hours a day these last 6 weeks.  But her time out of the carrier was spent doing various exercises.  What was most interesting to me was the addition of crawling games.  Many of these RAD kids missed their crawling stages due to neglect.  We know Quiet Tiger was tied to a crib during her toddlerhood and she likely missed out on this developmental milestone of crawling.  So, we pulled up the pop-up tunnels we had kept since the boys were toddlers and my home became a messy network of tubes and tunnels and obstacle courses of crawling activity.  Super E particularly liked making up crawling challenges for his little sister (most of the time)! 

In addition to crawling activities, and continued exercise time on the trampoline and walks around the neighborhood, each week of Phase 2 added something new.

PHASE 2 -- WEEK 1

The first exercise we were to accomplish involved limit setting.  Miss Quiet Tiger had to learn how to sit on a beach towel with a bunch of Duplo Lego blocks (the toddler kind) and play for 5-10 minutes.  During this time, no blocks or body parts could leave the towel.  Even one tiny little pinky toe over the edge of the towel and she was whisked back to the baby carrier.  Once she could learn this limit setting activity, we moved onto the second step.  Although on Day 1 she seemed to stay within limits, we practiced this activity for 1 week.

During week 1, we had Jay's Summer Regional for a long weekend up north and we tried as best as possible to keep up with the therapy as prescribed, but in all honesty, it didn't really happen.  Quiet Tiger went to child care when I was in required meetings.  I brought the carrier with me, but she never used it.  I brought the beach towel and blocks with me but she only used those when we were in the room, which was very rare.  I still hand fed her at every meal.  I allowed her swimming time in the pool while I rested my weary mind, body and soul poolside, talking with fellow FA wives.  As much as I knew I shouldn't have done it, I needed it.  I truly did.  Quiet Tiger still threw her fits that made me want to pack up and leave early, forcing Jay to mooch a ride home from a colleague, but I toughed it out as I have been forced to do this summer and we made it through.

PHASE 2 - WEEK 2

When we got back from Regional, we jumped into Week 2.  This second step was all about body control.  Quiet Tiger had to learn how to sit in a chair and be still for 30 seconds.  She could talk, but not rage.  She had to sit relatively nicely, but we were not to give too much instruction as long as she wasn't hanging over the sides of the chair.  We practiced this activity for week 2.  And much like learning to sit on the towel, she accomplished this task very quickly.  We kept up the practice for a whole week, extending the time in the chair.

But something else happened in Week 2 that made us switch up the program, by suggestion of one of our trusted therapists. We had an evening outing with clients on our calendar.  That meant Miss Quiet Tiger staying home with her brothers.  I fed her dinner before we left, had her in her pajamas too.  All she needed was to wait 30 minutes until bedtime.  After midnight when we came home, I realized quickly that the girl did not sleep.  Instead, she went into the master bathroom (again, she had been sleeping in our master bedroom for weeks at this point) and went through drawers, opening make-up remover pads, playing in some kiddie make-up I was saving for her for a much later date (that was hidden way back in a cabinet, so she definitely had to search for them).  And next to my nightstand I found that she had twisted and damaged my 1 and only good charger for my tablet and phone into a rats nest that was nearly beyond recognition.  I was livid!  She did nothing to Jay's stuff.  It's all an attack on me.  Is there any wonder why we RAD moms have PTSD ourselves?  Good gosh, y'all!  What a nightmare!  I emailed one of our therapists after midnight.  She told me that we could immediately send the girl back to her room for bedtime so that her destruction of my stuff wouldn't happen during bedtime hours again!  She remained on the crib mattress on the floor, close to her bedroom door, at the suggestion of the therapist.  I also ran to the resale shop and found a used video baby monitor.  These were suggested by the therapists at camp.  I set it up on a dresser in QT's room temporarily until I could actually hook it up onto the wall when she returned to her twin bed in the coming weeks.  But HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!  I was finally getting my bedroom back!  More on bedtime in a bit.

Here's something else we learned at camp and it's a bit of a rabbit trail, so bear with me.  We needed to eliminate everything from her bedroom.  No toys, no books, no lamps, no dressers (if that can be avoided), no pictures on the walls.  NOTHING!  So, in Week 2 when we put Quiet Tiger back in her room to sleep, I emptied out all her drawers (leaving the dressers there, but eliminating the objects inside that she could choose to destroy at her will) and put all her clothes in the closet.  All pictures came off the walls, the dress-up area was removed, even decorative items on top of the dressers were removed.  The closet was locked with child locks at the very top where she could never reach them.  It's sad and depressing to have to remove such cute, fun things from her room.  But we have to do this in order to protect those items and to keep her brain from being tempted to destroy everything in her path.

PHASE 2 - WEEK 3

The third week, our daughter was invited to dress herself again.  One thing we learned at camp is that kids with attachment disorder get absolutely zero choices until they are healed!  They don't even get to pick out their socks or underwear for the day!  Zero choices!  Mom and dad make the decisions, all the decisions, every single day.  The child gets zero say in matters!  It really makes sense when you live with a RAD child and their controlling ways.  So, in week 3, Quiet Tiger was able to dress herself again, but we still chose her clothes.  And so you can see how she personally digs into my heart to hurt me, one day I picked for her the shirt from our family reunion last summer.  My boys love their shirts.  They were super cute.  But the minute I grabbed that shirt for Quiet Tiger, she had to make some audible, little comment about hating that shirt and how she never, ever wanted to wear it.  She makes no other comments whatsoever about other clothes.  But the one from the family reunion makes her comment such hateful things with respect to family.  [Shaking my head at the absurdity, but it hurts me, it really does and I have to try not to show it or else the girl wins!]

Weeks 4 and 5 were switched for us.  As we wrapped up Phase 1 of this therapy, we realized that much of Quiet Tiger's rage revolves around food.  I've said before how this child can eat me under the table, which says a lot seeing how overweight I am!  One thing I noticed in Phase 1 was that sometimes, many times, Quiet Tiger would swallow food whole like a snake!  No chewing, just swallow.  Good grief!  She didn't have any dental problems or pain, just massive food insecurities.  Sigh.  So, week 4 of Phase 2 was supposed to be Quiet Tiger eating by herself again, like a toddler with food cut up into pieces.  But we decided food would be the thing we needed to keep under control until the last minute.  So, we swapped weeks 5 and 4 at the suggestion of the therapist.  Then again....

PHASE 2 - WEEK 4

Week 4 was supposed to be all about sleeping in her own room again.  I'm not going to apologize, Jay and I like sleeping with our TV on at night until we fall asleep and it turns off automatically.  We like the quiet background noise, listening to Friends, The Office or some other funny sitcom at night to lighten the mood in our household after long, trying days of this therapy.  With our daughter in our room, the world's lightest sleeper, TV in bed wasn't an option.  In fact, TV is never an option ever with a RAD child.  No TV on at all (until she goes to bed at 7pm when we watch something or play video games with the boys) until the child is healed.  But I digress.  Quiet Tiger moved back into her bedroom during week 2.  What we did back then was to move the crib mattress back to the floor in her bedroom.  She did not get to sleep in her twin bed.  So, since week 2, she had been on the crib mattress on her floor.  We also installed a cheap door alarm on her bedroom door.  This was suggested at camp because in their previous lives, nighttime might have been a very scary time for a traumatized child.  Now, we don't think anything bad happened in that orphanage overnight, other than our daughter's cries going unanswered until she just gave up trying.  But the alarm on the door serves 2 purposes, it tells the child when someone is entering their room at night and it also alerts the parents should the child try and escape their room after lights out.  I happened to have an extra door alarm from the 2-pack that I bought for Jay's office, so I installed the spare on Quiet Tiger's door.

PHASE 2 - WEEK 5

That brings us to Week 5.  For Week 5, well, we were gone.  Jay earned a trip through work and he, Super C and I were off for a week on a Mediterranean cruise while Super E and Quiet Tiger stayed home!  More on our awesome, much needed work vacation later.  For Week 5 my mom and stepdad were here.  We had them keep the status quo and not change anything up for Miss Quiet Tiger.  Now, my mom couldn't carry the girl in a front carrier, but with help from a web conference with one of the camp's therapists, Quiet Tiger was given strict boundaries and could not be spoiled by her loving Grammie!  I know many will want a post outlining how that week looked, along with some do's and don'ts for grandparents.  And I will post that, I promise!  It is good information, no, it's CRITICAL information, directly from one of our most trusted, experienced, loving and encouraging therapists!  If you have a RAD child who sees grandparents or even close family and friends often, it will be a post you don't want to miss!

PHASE 2 - WEEK 6

Once we were home, we began carrying Quiet Tiger in the front carrier again after being out for the week we were gone.  Yeah, she bucked -- physically. She had a week of "freedom" and here she was "trapped" again in our arms with no control anymore.  Taking away her control scares the bleep out of her, so she reacts like a caged animal.  Talk about a welcome home.  Sigh.  After a couple of days of being held again, I moved Quiet Tiger back to her twin bed, all the while keeping her on that video baby monitor at bedtime.  Her bed is right by her window and I can easily foresee her trying to destroy her curtains in there one day.  Yet she knows she is being watched in her room, so she hasn't tried anything as of yet. 

In addition to all the steps and activities I've already listed, we began to allow Quiet Tiger to feed herself again.  No food choices are allowed!  Not even suggestions!  In fact, if she said something like, "Peanut butter and jelly sounds good for lunch," I'd make sure to make a turkey sandwich, or heat up leftovers from dinner.  No choices!  Mom and dad set the meal plan, mom and dad fill her plate, we cut everything into toddler sized pieces, and the girl was allowed to hand-feed again (not even utensils unless it's something like soup or something, which then we still hand feed her ourselves).  She is not allowed to take one single bite until mom or dad take a bite at the meal table!  Mom and dad decided if seconds were allowed, only after mom and dad were done with firsts.  These are all important steps to take with food for attachment challenged kids!  And food is a HUGE issue for our girl.  All these steps make sense to me, yet I truly wonder if she'll ever be able to get over being hungry in her infancy.  Makes me so mad I could kick kittens!  Come on, China!  Look what you did to this poor child!  Curse you!

So, that wraps up our 6 weeks of Phase 2.  It happened to end on Quiet Tiger's 7th birthday.  I truly hope these last 12 weeks were life changing for her and that we truly can have a re-birth of sorts for my big 7 year old!  I have hope, but the change is so hard to see when we are living in the trenches day by day.  Former camp-goers say the first year post camp is the toughest, so we may have a long journey ahead of us yet, but the camp track record is pretty huge and these kids can heal with this program!  So we need your continued prayers for healing!

This post is long enough, so I'll write about what we do from here on out in another post, because from here on out, we officially begin all the steps and processes we learned at the Healing Hearts Camp.  Thank you for your continued prayers!  Please keep them coming as we venture into all the techniques we learned at camp back in April!  Wow, that seems like a lifetime ago!  I hope I remember it all!

Post Camp Update -- Phase 1

[Note:  What you are about to read isn't pretty.  It's raw and ugly.  Any rude comments or unhelpful comments, even if well-intended, will be deleted.  We do not need any negativity with all we have on our plates!]

I know many have been anxious for a post about how things went at the Healing Hearts Camp that we were invited to at the end of April.  While I still promise a good review of camp, I simply haven't had time.  Instead, this is an update from our 6 weeks of prescribed in-home, intense therapy that we were asked to try at camp.

Miss Quiet Tiger did not respond as well as hoped at camp.  Anytime she needed to go to the intervention room, she'd come back to us and be able to explain what happened, but her lack of eye contact was bothersome.  Her eyes darted anywhere around the room, anywhere except our eyes.  That quickly showed her lack of bond with any of us, even after 5 years home.  Welcome to Reactive Attachment Disorder Land.

The team prayed over our family and asked us a bold question.  Would we be willing to "wear her" for 6 weeks at home, to hand feed her like a baby, to play baby games, to speak baby talk, to basically regress her back to infancy to release her trauma in the safe arms of her mom and dad?  We were told she'd respond better to the techniques we learned at camp if she could release that baby trauma and turn to us in her time of need.

Reluctantly, I agreed.

For 6 weeks at home, I carried her in a borrowed front-carrier.  For 6 weeks we hand fed her.   For 6 weeks we talked "over/across" her, not "to" her, if that makes any sense.  For 6 weeks I rocked her in Jay's recliner in the living room.  For 6 weeks she was either carried or swaddled and cradled in our arms.  For 6 weeks, she received 2 daily sessions of 30-minute exercise time where she got to jump vigorously on a trampoline or take a nice long walk around the neighborhood.  That was her only time out from our arms during waking hours.  For 6 weeks she slept in our bedroom on a crib mattress on the floor next to my side of the bed. For 6 weeks she was a baby again.

She grieved.  We heard those baby cries that went unanswered in China.

She raged.  She dished out whatever she could muster to hurt me, to push me away, fighting the bond we were trying to build.  She kicked me.  She hit me.  She head-butted me, skull to skull, hard.  She spat in my face.  She blew snot on me.  She pinched me.  She dug that sharp little "lucky fin" into my ribs.  She thrashed like a child possessed (honest to God, I have Googled the word "exorcist"), sometimes for hours straight (10:30am-4:30pm one day alone).  She called me names, told me I was a bitch about 30 times straight the very day we came home from camp (and she meant it!), she said I smelled like poo, she said I was the worst mom ever, she said she hated me, told me she didn't need a mommy, didn't care that she had a strong mommy who loved her.  And yes, she dished out similar stuff to Jay too when he was home from work. 

Reactive Attachment Disorder SUCKS!!!!!

All I could do was hold her.  I was reminded that no matter what, I am an adult and I am stronger than her.  I held her head to my shoulder with all my might so she couldn't head-butt me.  I held her legs with everything I had so that she couldn't kick me.  I used a folded towel to block her blows.  We held her arms around me, so that she couldn't hit me.  My arms ached after 6 weeks of physically restraining her from her massive attempts to control me.

Oh, there is so much more to it.  

I couldn't get a thing done around the house.  Despite being in a carrier, it's so different when you are carrying an almost 7 year old with you, versus carrying a newborn.  I couldn't do dishes.  I couldn't do laundry.  I attempted to vacuum, but even that was impossible.  I could hardly walk to the mailbox at the end of my short driveway with a 43 pound child attached to me.  And it had nothing to do with being out of shape.  It had everything to do with the fact that she'd thrash at any moment to try and tick me off.  My yard became more dandelion than green grass.  My beautiful tulips sat in a flowerbed without mulch.  My house became one giant white fur ball.  Remarkably, bills somehow got paid on time, but barely.  That's the only thing I got right.  I had to miss a dear friend's wedding because there was no way I could travel to another state with her strapped to me.  My entire calendar had to be cleared for 6 long weeks.  My life was about nothing other than the girl, the girl who physically, verbally and emotionally abused me.  Hardly time to shower or brush my teeth or put on a bra each day!  Talk about losing your sense of self!  I was exhausted.  

It was so physically and emotionally painful.  I wanted to give up multiple times, but I knew if I did, we'd be forced to make a decision that wouldn't be in Quiet Tiger's best interests.  I cried.  I retreated to the basement and punched the crap out of the boys' punching bag, despite my burning, aching muscles.  After her strict 7pm bedtime, I'd run to the store for a few quick things, then sit in the car in the store parking lot, not wanting to come home ever again.  I wanted to run away and hide -- forever.

My boys?

My boys have been a huge help to me.  They have had to cancel summer plans that they had really hoped for.  Super C was considering taking diving lessons at the local junior high and Super E was hoping for more tennis lessons.  Super E got to go to the wedding with Jay, a guys trip to South Dakota.  But I couldn't handle the girl by myself and Super C stayed home with me.  My boys have cooked many meals, cleaned the kitchen, ran the vacuum and taken care of their still-ailing puppy dog for 6 long weeks.  They have decided to run and hide when their sister is out of control, but jump to my aid when I need help restraining her.  They hate what I've had to go through. 

We were told weeks 2 and 3 would be the worst.  We were told rages would become shorter and fewer and farther between.  We were told meaningful eye contact would be established and increased.  We were told her desire to constantly control would become less and less.  We were told she would become more and more relaxed as her brain changed from trying to escape the closeness, to accepting the closeness.

We didn't see that until week 5 and even then, progress was really hard to see.  Perhaps another week of "infancy" would have done her some good, but I tell you, at Week 5 I hit... the... wall.  I couldn't do it one day, one hour, one minute longer.

Suck it up, Brooke. 

I had to.  I had to press on for that 6th and final week of Phase 1.

Starting tomorrow, we are officially on Phase 2 of the program.  For the next 6 weeks we are slowly helping her return to her proper age, all the while keeping her in the carrier and playing more toddler appropriate games.  I still talk "across/over" her and not "to" her, but that will slowly change.  She will soon move back into her bedroom, staying on the crib mattress on the floor, but eventually sleeping in her twin bed again.  Right now I am still hand feeding her, but that will slowly change to her feeding herself again.  Control over food is still a HUGE cause of her rages these days and it's so big I don't know if she'll ever get over being hungry in China.  We'll see what happens over the course of another 6 weeks.

During this Phase 2, we have 2 work trips planned, work trips that cannot be missed.  Next weekend is Jay's Summer Regional for the whole family.  I will press on with Phase 2 of this therapy as best I can up North at the Regional, but she will go off with provided sitters when we need to be in scheduled meetings.  Then in July, Jay, Super C and I will be gone about 10 days on a trip Jay earned through work.  Super E and Quiet Tiger will stay home and my mom and stepdad will watch the kids.  I desperately seek your prayers for that time because we don't want Quiet Tiger taking a step back in her progress.  My mom will Skype with one of the camp's trusted therapists on how to handle our girl during our absence.  And that is a huge blessing!

Keep us in your prayers during these next 6 weeks as we muddle through Phase 2.  Phase 2 will be easier, but not really by much.  This work is agonizingly tough!  We just so desperately need to see our girl making more progress!

Before I leave you, I want to thank those who have helped us tangibly through meals, treats, gift cards, texts, email, Facebook messages, phone calls and prayer.  These last 6 weeks have been so very lonely.  This isn't the toughest thing we've been through in our lives, but it ranks right up there!  There is no way I could have made it through these weeks without you!  So, I thank you with all my heart.

Please keep us in your prayers these next 6 weeks!

Collins Monthly - April

I apologize for my delay in posting.  We've been gone this last week, but I can't wait to tell you where we've been.  April sure was a blur with good and bad!

We started the month with a huge scare!  If you haven't heard our horror story with our 3 year old pup, you can read it by clicking here.  April has been filled with crate-rest, meds every 8 hours, diapering a paralyzed dog, lifting all 37 pounds of her out of her crate multiple times a day, sitting outside with her as we wait for her to do some business, taking her for appointments.  As for how things are now, we are seeing vast improvement and we have hope.  The only question and concern I have will be pain.  Reese is the life of our household, an energetic dog who brings joy exactly when we need it.  She's my emotional support animal, and that's one title I would have scoffed at until I realized I needed (and had) one.  Living a life of chronic pain is not what I want for puppy girl.  So even though she may be walking now, I need to be certain she is happy and pain-free.  I beg you to pray for the elimination of all aches and pains -- permanently!

Spring Break happened for our public schools and it was a challenge because the boys and I were still doing school.  We like to wrap up the bulk of our curriculum by end-April, so we had much to plow through while Miss Quiet Tiger was home with us, enjoying a week off of public school.  I normally would take a week off from homeschool around Easter, but this year we didn't do anything extraordinary for Spring Break.  We just worked our tails off so we could wrap up our school year.  More on that later.

Easter found us celebrating quietly at home.  Nothing big to report.  Not even cute Easter pictures of the kids.  Nada. 

Right after Easter we took clients to the Guthrie to see The Bluest Eye.  Very interesting story!  It was my favorite show at the theater thus far.  I love our nights down at the theater!

After pushing extra hard this month, we finished our 5th year of homeschool on April 25.  This year of homeschool looked quite different than years past!  For 16 weeks, Super C did independent study and was also student-teacher to his little brother.  Because we knew I'd be working for a good chunk of the school year, I chose 4-day curriculum versus the standard 5-day.  It worked for us and we liked it.  We were able to use that 5th day to catch up on anything we missed or to simply breathe from having so much on our plates.  But we are now officially done with the bulk of our curriculum.

•      Bible study - check (and I would be remiss if I didn't mention that in 5 years of homeschool, we have read 37 books of the Bible, putting us over the half-way point).  
•      History - check.  
•      Science - check.  
•      Writing - check.  
•      Spelling - check.  
•      Geography - check.  
•      Cursive - check.  

We will continue with Math for both boys over the summer, on a slower schedule since both boys are a year ahead of their peers.  Super C finished out Algebra I this year and he'll likely finish Geometry before the fall or very early in the fall.  Super E has finished 5th grade math and will be working on 6th grade math over the summer.  We will also likely read some of the awesome Sonlight reading books that we missed by choosing the 4-day schedule.  I love the Sonlight readers and I think reading and math will be all we'll do over the summer to keep their minds fresh and working. Congratulations to my boys on another fantastic year of homeschool.  You made me so proud this year with all the challenges we faced!

And if you read last week's post, I eluded to something big happening in April that I couldn't divulge.  Well, as promised, here is what all that was about:

For the last week, we have been out of town, down by Rochester attending a "camp" of sorts for families with attachment-challenged kids.  I still really don't have any idea how this actually came about because the camp is so expensive I couldn't even afford to go alone, much less bring my family of 5.  Yet we were invited and we went and the majority of our bill was paid by someone (or multiple someones).  Everything I had heard about this camp and it's therapist was summed up as: LIFE CHANGING.  Friends, it did not disappoint!  The kids and I went down on the 27th and Jay had to stay back for a work seminar that we were both supposed to attend.  Out of fear I'd lose our spot at "camp," the kids and I went down as scheduled and Jay just came later.  The camp offered therapists and counselors with experience with Reactive Attachment Disorder, classes for adults, kids, even special sessions just for the siblings of a RAD child.  We had 24 hour access to help for any situation and we learned parenting techniques that WILL WORK with our RAD daughter (and none of it is traditional, so we are just babies in the learning process and it will look very different for our friends and family to see for themselves).  Yet, mid way in the week, we got a course correction.  Due to Quiet Tigers young age and tiny weight of 43 pounds, we were told she would respond better if we complete a different course prior to all the new stuff we were learning.  I won't go into details now.  I'm not ready to go there yet because it is absolutely grueling and devastating.  People used to say, "Adoption is not for the faint of heart."  Well, that couldn't be more true than right now.  We have hope that this will restore our family and prevent us from having to face drastic measures in the future.  The experience at camp is definitely worthy of it's own blog post, so stay tuned for that.  I know so many who are so desperate for help, so I will share!  But we are so grateful to the powers that be for providing this opportunity for us that we could no way afford on our own.  I truly believe whoever those people/organizations are, they have saved our family!

Saving the best for last, my Super E turned double digits on April 30th!  His big day happened while we were at camp and I had to pack all birthday celebrations into our car for the week away.   His birthday was tearful though.  Camp was not all fun and games, even for the healthy kids.  My poor boy was in tears in bed on his birthday.  That's no way to turn 10 years old!  My poor boy!  He has had to sacrifice so much, all because of his troubled little sister.  I feel bad for having put him through so much!  Now that we are home, I still have 1 more belated birthday surprise up my sleeve, yet even that will have to wait until these next 6 weeks are up.  Happy 10th Birthday, Super E!  I can hardly believe you are now "double digits."  You are my favorite 10 year old on the planet and you will never, ever know how much I adore you!

Overtime

I can't even believe I'm writing this.  But it's time to fill you all in on all the insanity that has been happening and why it is happening and why we have asked you to pray so hard against these attacks.

Remember our adoption story?  Remember how everything that could go wrong, did go wrong?  How we lost Nepal?  How incredibly long (longer than average) China took?  How we lost 2 jobs?  How we moved, lived apart, had car accidents?  How we needed out of network surgery and had huge medical bills to pay?  How our Nebraska house wouldn't sell for nearly a full year because the market tanked as we were selling?

Satan was working overtime back then to try and stop us from adoption, from following God's call on our lives.  Satan hates love, adoption and family.  He tried his very best to make us give up.

Try as he did, as painful as it was, he didn't win.

Oh, but then what happened?

We have the most beautiful little girl in the world, but years later we get horrid behaviors that only get worse with time, not better.  We get diagnoses from multiple professionals.   Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  And love is not enough to heal these children!  [Please stop leaving the comment "Look what love can do!" on happy adoption posts because it makes RAD parents feel like failures!]  Our family has been spiraling down quickly with no hope.

Enter: Hope.

Somehow or other, we were invited to attend a week long, intensive family therapy camp at the end of April.  These camps are way out of our league, at a cost of nearly $1000 per person.  I'm not kidding.  We could never afford that.  Yet somehow, this camp was coming to Minnesota, someone had a heart to help a family in need and started drumming up donors before they ever even heard of us, and then they started searching for that family in desperate need of help.  Word got around, and bam, we were invited.  We're going to family therapy camp at a fraction of the cost.

Oh, but Satan doesn't want our family to heal.  He wants us to remain hopeless, broken, angry, detached, regretful.

Satan is working overtime... again.

So, what's the first thing he does?  He attacks me where it hurts me the most: my beloved emotional support dog, Reese.  Her back injury left her unable to walk on hind legs, a herniated disc putting pressure on her spinal cord.  Surgery would be over $5500, something we could never dish out.  Meds, chiropractics and weeks of crate rest have brought marked improvement.  She's hobbling, but walking again, but she has long way to go yet.  We're only on week 4 of recovery now; we have 4 weeks left to go.  Yet we're leaving her mid-recovery.  And our neighbors are out of town when we will be, so we've hired a house-sitter for the 2 healthy dogs.  We have a friend very graciously willing to watch our crate-resting Reese for the time we are gone!  So thankful!!!

But Satan didn't stop there.

Then he makes that lovely "Service Engine Soon" light illuminate on my dashboard, after we've already put over $300 of work into Jay's car last month (and it's still leaking oil - darn Fords).  Auto Zone says it's idling harder than it should, but then again, it could just be a bad sensor.  Knowing I have a bad tire sensor and a bad door sensor, I truly believe this is another stupid, bad sensor.  Thankfully, after much prayer that these attacks would cease and desist, that light went off 1 day after it illuminated and hasn't returned.

 

But Satan kept on trying.

On our way to Easter church services, we witnessed road rage first hand.  Some guy tried to run us off the road.  Then he proceeded to get behind us and video us, when we were doing absolutely nothing illegal!  He had to be on something.  Very scary.

Still more attacks kept coming.

During all this, Jay and I have been fighting more and more too.  And we never fight and argue.  Disagree?  Sure.  We're human sinners.  But big arguments and fights?  Hardly ever.  I'm a happily married woman, enjoying life with my best friend.  But this month, whew, not a good month for the marriage.  Doesn't help that it's April, a pretty traumatic month in our family history. 

So, yeah.  We're being attacked all over again when it comes to our Quiet Tiger.  From adoption, to home and healing, Satan just wants to destroy us.  And I hate it! 

This is how I know that this therapy camp

will be life changing,

a complete game changer for us.

With that, I am asking for my prayer warriors to commit to praying for us from April 27-May 3, the dates of camp.

• Pray our house and 2 other fur-balls will be safe and sound in the hands of our house-sitter. 
• Pray for safe travel and well running vehicles (we have to take 2 because the kids and I will go down early and Jay will come after an evening work engagement). 
• Pray for us to be open, honest and teachable as we learn new parenting techniques for Reactive Attachment Disorder and PTSD. 
• Pray that Quiet Tiger will be receptive but also that she'll show her true colors for the therapists to see exactly who we see everyday. 
• Pray that the boys will learn how to better cope with their sister and slowly learn to love her again. 
• While we are gone, pray for Reese to make huge strides in her mobility, but also pray for her to stay quiet during her recovery too.  We don't want her overdoing it one bit.  I keep praying the 4 R's for Reese:  Repair (of the bad disc and nerves), Relief (of all pain), Restoration (of all mobility), Rest (she's gaining energy and wants to run and play, but isn't fully healed yet).
• Pray our friends watching her for the whole week, for their strength, patience and compassion. 
• Pray for Super E, who will be turning 10 while we are away, that we will be able to celebrate him and that he will feel honored on his big day.  
• Pray that the evil one will be stopped in his tracks in every way, as we press on diligently towards hope and healing for our entire family, dogs included!

I will definitely be posting when we return.  It may take me a while to unpack my brain and everything we learn, but I will surely post to fill you in on how everything went.

Thanks for the prayers, friends!  We are so very grateful!  This is a huge blessing and opportunity for our family! 

Absolutely huge!

 

 

OH! 
One last PS....

Quiet Tiger CANNOT KNOW ABOUT THIS CAMP! 

We have been told by the professionals not to mention it! 

So, PLEASE DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING TO QUIET TIGER! 

Thank you!

Collins Monthly - March

I'm back into social media more and more these days with maybe the exception of days following any speeches by our President.  Still too much hate out there.  Yet I'm finding that a lot of the chaos has died down and for that I am thankful.  Right now I check in from time to time because I'm politely stalking 2 friends who are having their basements finished.  I am a green eyed monster!  I can't wait until we can do ours, but that will take a lot of saving!  I still think I'll keep my social media participation to a minimum and focus more on writing my monthly blog. 

April
The password for March is..... April.  That darn, sweet, pregnant giraffe in New York.  If you haven't heard of her, then you must be living in a hole somewhere.  Oh, that giraffe!  So many hours of her on my TV above my fireplace.  So many nights leaving her live-stream on my tablet on my nightstand while I dozed to sleep.  Good, educational entertainment nonetheless.  And I don't know who is in charge of the animal park's social media posts, but they have been handling them so well, using humor and even a little snarky sarcasm from time to time because of the ridiculous things people post.  I love their updates!

Back to Work
Early March found me back in the office for 1 day, filling in for Jay's BOA who had a much needed appointment on the calendar.  I have also been going into the office a couple days per week, just a few hours each, to help with some phone calls and event/seminar planning.  I have been able to get school done in the morning with the boys, then go into the office for a few hours while the boys kick back and relax and then I return home to make dinner.  I also had 10 hours of new training to complete because of the DOL changes.  Just a couple days a week in the office will be fine.

Twister & Snow
Wow, Minnesota Weather was drunk or off her meds or something.  On March 6 a tornado touched down in Zimmerman, just northwest of Jay's office.  This was supposedly the earliest tornado touchdown in Minnesota weather history.  Thankfully, the office was fine, our friends were fine and clients reported they were fine too.  They were lucky!  I saw pictures of houses that looked like doll houses, with entire walls ripped off 1 side. Yikes!  That was some damage from an F1 tornado!  The following morning we woke up to an ice covered driveway and a dusting of snow.  Our pond re-froze and frozen into it are several trees (1 large, 1 medium and lots of small ones) that were knocked down by 2 days of high winds.  We have a big mess to clean up!  Anyone with a chainsaw is welcome to lend a hand!  To bring back winter, we got 2 inches of snow the weekend of Daylight Savings but it melted in about 4 days.  By the last week of March, the ice was officially out on the pond and we were enjoying 60 degree weather!  Strangest weather I have ever seen!

Final Reveal
While Jay was away for a quick overnight trip and Super C was off doing the 30-Hour Famine with his youth group, Super E and I put the final touches on Super C's new teenage bedroom.  Well, technically, I do still have to finish the 1 cabinet door to his dresser and his nightstand that will need to be painted outside, so I'll wait another month or so for that.  I painted some peg board the same color as the bedroom walls and installed them on both sides of the bed and along 1 other small wall.  Then we hung all his equipment.  The Nerf themed teenage room is complete!  I love putting rooms together for my kids!  Now I can officially move onto the bathroom transformations.  Look out paint aisles, here I come, because ceilings, walls and cabinetry are all due for a new, updated look!  That will be more in the budget than lower level floors or a basement finish!

Missing Ministry?
We have really enjoyed our new church home:  Eagle Brook Church.  It's a large church with many locations.  We attend one that has been meeting in a high school, but this month we opened our brand new campus just 15 minutes from our home in nearby Anoka.  They renovated an old, abandoned K-Mart.  Our grand opening was this month and the first service was filled to overflow in the lobby!  How exciting!  This was probably the first time ever, since leaving ministry, that Jay and I both felt a tiny bit of nostalgia, missing all the fun of grand openings after building or expanding church campuses.  That was Jay's forte, but we both felt it for sure.  No worries though; we aren't going back into ministry ever.  Yet we'll play our role as volunteers.  With this new change for the church and it's close proximity to our home, we stepped up to be small group leaders.  We are starting a community group for families with school-aged children.  We hope to get more connected to people in our similar family situation, during this busy thing we call life.

Last Minute
I had an appointment on the calendar for mid-April for Miss Quiet Tiger to see a child psychiatrist.  It has been such a struggle just to find her help.  Why the struggle?  Why?  It was so hard to just get her home!  Why must we struggle so hard now to get her help?  Well, I went with her alone one Tuesday morning when the office had a cancellation and asked if we wanted in earlier than planned.  I took a leap of faith and we went.  I loved our new doc!  We began medicating for her anxiety.  Yes, we tried earlier, but that was with our pediatrician who just comfortable with medicating such a young child.  Sadly, even in 1 short week, we have had to stop.  Five days on a half dose of Prozac and my daughter was manic!  I've never seen her so wild and crazy, laughing maniacally all the time, unable to sit still or even speak a complete sentence.  I got very perturbed at my once loved doc when she didn't return my calls.  I finally heard back and scheduled a follow-up appointment, which I later cancelled too (you have to wait until next month's update to know why).  In the end, this new doc saw everything and confirmed the anxiety disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Hopefully,  we will see the anxiety diminish.  There will be no cure for the RAD.  We'll live with it always.  We have some big things on the calendar this summer and we need a truly Quiet Tiger, not an anxious, amped up, Wired Tiger.  I'll leave you with this: you won't want to miss next month's blog!  That's all I'm saying about that.

Orthodontia Revisited
We've been back and forth to 2 different orthodontists for the boys.  Two weeks after a visit to orthodontist #1 for a free evaluation, we went to orthodontist #2 much closer to home.  They can already see a difference in Super E's teeth and told us to stop the home treatments recommended by Ortho #1.  Sadly, Ortho #2 also recommended pulling 4 of Super E's baby teeth; something Ortho #1 never even breathed!  The minute I got home from this second evaluation, I called Ortho #1 for the promised free, reevaluation.  So, on a Wednesday morning, Super E and I headed back out to Ortho #1 and they loved the change thanks to the home treatments!  They disagreed about the tooth pulling, but did say that when Super E is older, he'd likely need braces for a short time, but that really all depends on how his 12-year molars change everything.  In the end, Ortho #1 gets my business.  We are still talking about when it will be best to get Super C into braces, but it will likely be this summer. 

Div Trip
Leaving his Texas office behind and starting fresh here in Minnesota definitely set Jay back in his career.  We were told to expect it and it was 100% truth.  It has been over 2 years since Jay has earned a trip through work (Jackson Hole was the first trip Jay earned and Rome was the second).  This past month he earned another Div Trip and we are anxiously waiting for the day the books are opened so we can see the available destinations.  We are so thankful for Edward Jones for awarding exceptional work to the employee and spouse with amazing trips like these.  We make some fun "Jones Friends" (and product partner friends too) from around North America and we see some amazing locales and are given the chance to relax and kick back all thanks to Jones.  Wish my hard working husband a big congratulations sometime.  Stay tuned for the selected destination.

We Need a Miracle!

Friends, our family is being attacked by the evil one.  I can't tell you how I know that just now, but I know it is happening and I'll be able to fill you in next month.

PRAY FOR REESE
PLEASE

Last Friday morning, my dog Reese didn't want to get out of my bed.  She normally nudges me and snuggles me as I struggle to get out of bed.  She seemed fine all morning.  But when we returned from running an afternoon errand, she didn't race out of her kennel or bound up the basement stairs.  I knew something was wrong.  By nighttime, I knew a call to the vet was in order and I made an appointment for 10:20 on Saturday morning.

Saturday morning came and she seemed a bit better.  Better enough for me to think she just pulled a muscle and needed rest.  So, I cancelled our morning vet appointment.  That was a crushing mistake.  While she rested all day, by bedtime she was panting hard and was losing control of her back legs.  I called 2 emergency vets (all we have is 2 by us) and both of them said they were booked because vets were in surgery for 2-3 hours.  Thankfully our vet has regular Sunday hours.  I called and left them a voicemail, tearfully begging them to see my dog on Sunday.

MY HEART AND SOUL
IN CANINE FORM

I took one of their urgent care visits and we went in on Sunday morning.  By this time, Reese was dragging both her back legs.  She was in severe pain.  The vet took x-rays and found a disc that was a bit thinner than all the rest between L5 & L6.  He recommended us to send the x-rays to a surgeon.  We went home with meds and a very drugged dog and waited for the surgeon to call.

While we waited, I put a plea for prayer out on Facebook, despite my hiatus.  Then the surgeon called and said we needed an MRI.  But the U of M wasn't open until today.  I called a number of emergency places to see just who does MRIs on dogs in the Minneapolis area.  None were open, but most told me that the price would be around $2000 for the MRI alone.

I knew at that moment alone that Reese's days were numbered unless a miracle happened.

Friends, I'm begging you to pray for that miracle!

I THINK THIS MAY BE THE ONLY PHOTO OF REESE AND I TOGETHER.
SHE ALWAYS LOVED SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH US.
ALWAYS WITH HER MAMA

Reese is on steroids to reduce the swelling and on a pain killer too.  She is confined to the kennel until I carry her out to the dog run to attempt going potty.  She'll do it, but she can't squat, so she in essence has to sit in it, unless I hold up her back and and compress her bladder, but even that she fights.  Yet she has wet in her kennel, so she can still do it on her own.  And that is a good sign!  

Please pray that the meds are the miracle that we need!

Reese is turning 3 this month.  Three.  She is still a youngster with a lot of life left to live.  But at the prices we are looking at, the only thing we can possibly afford is the sad, painful, heart crushing alternative of a humane "good bye."

We've prepared our boys.  We've all sobbed and sobbed until we are numb.  I made 3 salt-dough ornaments with Reese's paw prints.

I ADORE THIS PICTURE!
THOSE GIANT EARS!
SHE ALWAYS KNEW WHERE HOME WAS AFTER A LONG WALK.

Today I called multiple places and the dollar totals are over $5000 if we wish to proceed surgically.   This is something we cannot fathom.

Today I called my last hope -- a chiropractor who works on dogs.  It's a cheap help, in comparison to surgery.  We talked at great length and he said it's a really good sign that she has the ability to go potty and that those nerves haven't been effected yet.  Tomorrow at 11:30 am is our appointment.  I ask you to be in prayer that the doctor sees hope that his treatments will help.  He told me that he has seen it happen with a dachshund he has as a patient who is walking happily after a month of treatment.  I have hope, yet we are indeed prepared for the horrifying alternative.

To make a long post longer, I need you to understand why this dog means more to me than most.  Raising a daughter with RAD takes it's toll on a mother.  I have my own diagnosis which I hope will never be a permanent one.  Having a daughter whose emotions are not in check, who is defiant at every turn and who is unable to accept or show love is agonizing.  Enter: Reese.  Reese was the dog that I didn't want.  She was dumped on my doorstep as a stray in San Antonio.  Jay fell in love very quickly and I was hesitant because I knew all the potty training and obedience would fall on me.  I would be hard pressed to ever say no to a dog, but even I was shocked to reluctantly agree after a week or so in our home.  Reese has been my dream girl!  She adores me.  She has been so easy going and happy!  She is smart and loving and beyond loyal.  But what's more, she has intuition to know when I am having a horrible day with my daughter and she is always up next to me, on the couch or in my bed snuggling me, licking me, giving me the love-struck brown puppy eyes.  She gets me like no one else.  She's truly my emotional support animal!  She has saved my life in ways I'll never be able to express in words.  Life without her would be crushing to me.  It would be removing my heart and soul, a piece of me that I never even knew existed.

THOSE FIRST FEW MOMENTS MEETING REESE.
A  NEIGHBOR IN TEXAS FOUND HER AND THOUGHT SHE WAS MINE.
I NEVER KNEW THIS FUNNY LOOKING PUP WOULD BE MY DREAM GIRL.

So, I'm begging you to pray for the miracle of medicine and chiropractics and above all, God's hands of healing on my Reese's back.  We don't have much time!  Despite pain meds, she hurts.  She cannot walk.  Please, please, please pray!  I believe in the God of miracles!

[And just a note to those of you thinking, "Just set up a Go Fund Me account and raise the cash."  Having already adopted internationally with thanks to so many donors like yourselves, I cannot and will not ask for money for a pet.  Yes, to me, my heart and soul is more than a pet.  But I still cannot and will not ask for that because it doesn't feel right.]

Please, Jesus!  Heal my Rees-y Girl on this earth!  Please!  We need her and we adore her!