Christmas Newsletter

The Collins Courier

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!  Once again, this year's Christmas card is electronic via the family blog in order to save a dime or two.

2012 Year in Review
This was another big year for us.  The highs were really high and the lows were pretty darn low.

After a year on the market, our house in Nebraska sold in March!  With our adoption nearing the end at that point, we begged the buyers for a 60-day closing so that we wouldn't have to change any of our adoption paperwork, delaying our daughter any further.  They were more than happy to oblige.  I had to head home from California for a required adoption homestudy update meeting and while there, my mom and stepdad drove out from Chicago and helped me pack up the house in a whirlwind 2 days!

So long, Nebraska!

Unfortunately, mid-April brought horrifying, unexpected news.  Just one year after joining the staff of a small church in the Sacramento area, Jay was dismissed from his role as Associate Pastor.  The timing was horrible (as if there's ever good timing for those things)!  We were living with our 3rd host family out in CA, enjoying their trailer on their gorgeous, peaceful ranch.  We had been looking at houses and we had found "the one" for us in the most desirable neighborhood in town, with the best schools, near our best friends, for a phenomenal price and we would have put an offer on it that weekend.  Instead, I had to call the day before our scheduled appointment and tell the realtor what happened with Jay's job and that we had to decline the showing (and offer) we planned.  Tears flowed for days and weeks.  We were so hurt and just crushed.  We had been through this before and never expected to be living it again.

While Jay began job hunting, I was planning my trip to China to pick up our Quiet Tiger.  Thankfully, Jay's employer agreed to keep him on the payroll until she came home so we didn't have to change any of our paperwork.  But we had a big problem... we had no home to bring her home to and living in a trailer on our friend's property wouldn't meet the international adoption agreements we had signed with our social worker.

So, we packed up the little we had in California, while our home in Nebraska was packed up into a storage unit in Lincoln by friends and we started a long 3 day drive to Texas.  Why Texas?  Well, we had to provide a stable home for L, complete with her own bedroom as part of the adoption agreements.  We couldn't do that anywhere else other than my mother-in-law's winter home.  It's a 3 bedroom condo in a resort community and since she was spending her summer at her summer home in Wisconsin, the condo was available to us.  So, we drove from Northern California, stopped at the Grand Canyon the first night, then made it to Albuquerque the second night and then finally to Horseshoe Bay on the third evening.  There was no time for sleep.  We unpacked and set up house for 5 quick days before I flew off to China, leaving Jay and the boys at the condo in Texas!  It was physically and emotionally exhausting.

Family picture at the Grand Canyon - May 2012

One of my friends whom I've known since preschool offered me the use of a travel voucher to fly from Texas back to California since my flight to China was already booked and couldn't be changed.  Thank you, Kimberly!  You have no idea how that served us!!!  I spent 1 night with a friend from high school in the Bay Area (thank you Margaret - what a fun night!) and flew out to China the next day.  Feel free to go back and read my China posts by clicking here.

L on Gotcha Day in Xi'an, Shaanxi China - May 29, 2012

Jay was busy sending out resumes, taking phone interviews and networking feverishly.  Yet when I came home from China, he was still unemployed and the last paycheck rolled in and we lost our health and dental insurance.   The amazing adoption community surrounded us during those first few weeks home and helped us raise funds to pay for our first post placement report for China.  I love how God provides "just enough" exactly when we need it.  He's just like that.  My sincerest thanks goes out to all you amazing Winter DTC/Safe Haven friends for supporting us in our time of great need.  I want to forever pay it forward in honor of your generosity!  What an amazing community.  I love you all!!!!!

Our first picture as a family of 5 - L's Homecoming June 7, 2012

We spent the summer staying in, not spending any money, bonding with L, playing with the boys, swimming in the condo pool and occasionally seeing Jay's aunt and uncle who have a lake house nearby.  No ministry jobs could be found and Jay ended up making a drastic career change.  He has now finished his training courses and is employed with Edward Jones as a financial advisor.  Feel free to contact us if we can be of any assistance in your investments.  He can help anyone across the country.

Swimming at Aunt Patti's community pool.

I enrolled both boys in public school near the condo, C in 4th grade and E in kindergarten.  Just days before school started I learned that their day would be extremely long, boarding the bus at 6:30am and not returning home until 4:15pm.  While I trusted my 4th grader would be able to handle it, I didn't like the fact that he'd be gone so long and would be coming home with at least an hour or 2 of homework each night.  And surely, I thought that such a long day would be too much on my 5 year old.  So, within about 24 hours, after speaking with a half dozen friends for their input, we made the decision to home school.  Two of my best friends offered curriculum for me to borrow and shipped them to me.  I have to say that I absolutely love home schooling!  We're hoping to be able to budget for it and to continue to home school through elementary school.  Then we'll see about junior high.

Home school is in session at the condo - August 2012

Early this fall we battled the home buying process as we needed to get out of the condo so that my mother-in-law could return to Texas for the winter.  We found a great house an hour and 45 minutes away in San Antonio where Jay's office would be, only to find out that the home was in a flood plain.  We let that house go and immediately found another home and placed an offer.  Unfortunately, the home buying process is a nightmare these days following the housing crisis and new fair housing laws which hardly treated us fairly at all.  It took us well over 30 days to close on the property, but on November 15th we finally closed and moved in.  We camped in sleeping bags for a couple weeks before our stuff arrived from Nebraska (we had left it there since we didn't know where Jay would end up finding a job - no sense in moving it to Texas if he ended up getting a job elsewhere).  Thanks to Scott and Hannah for arranging a crew to load up the storage container and see it off!

Hello, Texas.  Our new home!

Thanks to new friends from Oak Hills Church, our new church home, a team of volunteers was here helping us move furniture over the course of 2 evenings because Jay was conveniently out of town for his official Edward Jones graduation and final training.  It was such a gift and I can never thank Mary and Jorge and all our new friends enough!  We are looking forward to simply attending church once again and not having to work each Sunday and every holiday.

For Christmas we will be here just enjoying the simple pleasure of HOME!  We certainly pray that 2013 will bring us out of the drama we've been living and we'll start to feel some peace and security again.  Thanks to those of you who have been faithful friends and have stuck by us through thick and thin!  There are so many of you I want to name, but if you stop by my blog regularly, then this includes YOU!

C's Column (now written by Super C himself)

This year has been fun but a little crazy!  Living in other peoples' houses, moving to Texas, buying a house in San Antonio -- it has been awesome.

My favorite things in California were apple picking with my friends at Apple Hill, going to see the Bay and the ocean in San Francisco, visiting the huge Redwood trees and going through a corn maze with more friends.  I went to Awana and every year there is an Awana Grand Prix.  It's a pinewood derby race where you get to make your own car.  I based my car on the Lego Ninjago character Sensei Wu and I won TNT People's Choice Award.

C in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Jay and Super C with his award winning derby car.

I was sad to leave California because I had made many friends there and I didn't want to leave.  My best friend at school was Jacob and my best friend at church was Ethan L.

The Grand Canyon was fun to see.  We had to bring our dogs on leashes and our guinea pig in a bag because we couldn't leave them in the car since it was too hot.  That was pretty funny!  I loved seeing the river at the bottom of the gigantic hole in the ground.

I loved seeing my sister for the very first time.  I remember when dad, E and I went upstairs to meet mom and L at the airport but she came down the elevator instead because she had L in the stroller!  E and I made signs and other people who were welcoming L home made more signs.  I really missed my mom and we were waiting so long to see L.

C meeting his baby sister for the very first time at the airport.

One of my favorite things to do over the summer was to go tubing with my cousins on the lake Aunt Patti lives on.  I got dunked off a few times and my cousin always jumped off with me.  I turned 9 in September and my dad made me 9 balloon animals and I got Legos, a Webkinz walrus and some Hot Wheels cars.  Our new house is great!  In the summer I'm going to jump in the pool!  I really liked seeing all of my toys and bunk bed after over a year.  We got our Wii hooked up and E and I have had fun.  Home school is really fun too.  I loved learning about parrots and other birds in science.  Things have been great around here.  We are so glad to have our stuff back.

Merry Christmas to you all.  From, C.

Super C - age 9 - enjoying tennis at the condo for PE

E's Column

Kids are resilient, but I think this past year of living like nomads has been tough on E in a way he can't verbalize.  My sweet 5 year old seemed to cling to me more than usual this last year.  His world was rocked and the only security he found was in mom and dad.  I'm proud of him for putting up with such craziness and I wish it could have been different.

My and my 5 year old on his birthday in the trailer in CA.

In California, Super E enjoyed Awana and his pinewood derby car won the Best Design Award for his Cubbies Division earning him his first trophy!  I cried such happy tears at that Awana event because he really, really deserved something amazing, fantastic for pushing through all our family drama.  He turned 5 at the end of April and we celebrated very quietly at our 3rd host family's ranch before we left California.  Leaving California was hard for him because I think he really had his first set of friends that were all his own while we lived there.

Jay and E with his first trophy for Awana Cubbies Best Design - Tiger Car

E did great while I was in China for 2 weeks.  I worried about him so!  He has a bit of a strained relationship with his baby sister.  At times he really seems to enjoy playing with L, but 90% of the time, there is a good sized animosity between the two.  It's like my brother Darin and I.  I've told my mom that this is all payback and I owe my brother a 25 page apology letter for being an annoying baby sister.    I pray that these two littles will grow to love one another dearly.

E and L playing in a fort at Grandma's condo.

E enjoyed our summer at grandma's condo but he's not a fan of tubing behind the wave runners at Aunt Patti's lake house.  A speed demon he is not!  He'd much rather ride on the boat.  He became a fantastic swimmer overnight since we were in the pool every day.  He can swim anywhere and no longer needs a life jacket, pool noodle or an adult within arms reach.  He's a fish!  He'll even dive to the bottom for a pool toy.  He's my athletic one and really enjoyed getting into tennis this fall.  The tennis courts were just a few doors down from the condo and my mom bought the boys some racquets so we could do some PE during home school.  He has a really good backhand!

Super E enjoying tennis 

For school, he loves science and math.  He finished the first of two math books early in November, long before the end of the semester.  He has great handwriting!  Learning to spell is helping him learn to read.  That feels a little backwards to me, but it really helps him.  I think for the most part, he just needs to find confidence in reading.  He's left handed and I think that has something to do with it too because he still mixes his "b's" and "d's" and often times spells words completely backwards, but he's learning and I love teaching him!


L's Column

It's hard to put into words what it's like to finally have L home after a 3 year long adoption filled with ups and downs, twists and turns that made us sick to our stomachs.  But she's home!  She's no longer in an orphanage.  She has a mom, a dad, 2 big brothers, 2 dogs, a guinea pig, a new house, tons of toys.  She is loved!

L turned 2 here in Texas and my mom was able to fly down from Chicago to celebrate with us!  Words have exploded from our baby girl's mouth and she understands everything we are saying and expresses more and more each day.  She is a sweet girl who is quick to give me or Jay a hug or a kiss.  She loves her baba (Chinese for daddy) and her oldest brother C.  She has strong jealousy other big brother E.  She loves her dogs, likes to be tickled, loves to swim, she's obsessed with stickers.  She's a naughty little thing too!  She's pretty much a typical 2 year old.  A good word to describe L is "determined."  Since she was born with 1 full hand and another hand that is missing most of her palm and all 5 digits, she will sit longer and with more patience than any 2-handed 2 year old would do to complete a task requiring fine motor skills of both hands.  She's certainly a one-handed wonder!

Grammie (my mom) and L on her 2nd birthday.

For 3 years we've hung stockings at Christmas, always with 1 unclaimed for the daughter we were praying for.  This year she's home!  She's seen her first Independence Day, her first Halloween, her first Thanksgiving and now her first Christmas!  On Christmas morning, I'll see my daughter scooting down the stairs to see the gifts, the stocking, the wonder and spirit of Christmas and she'll be with us as we celebrate the birth of Jesus.  What a dream come true!  If you've been by my blog long enough, you'll get sick of me saying this.  But I can never thank those of you who helped bring L home enough!  From your financial donations, your prayers, your words of support, we couldn't have done any of this without you!

L playing toys at the new house before furniture arrived.

We hope this Christmas will bring you joy and peace, wrapped in the love of our Savior!  And we pray for His blessings to fall upon you in 2013.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours!

Oh come let us adore Him.  Christ the Lord!

6 Months

There are so many days to celebrate in adoption:

Referral Day

Gotcha Day

Adoption Day

Homecoming Day

Birthdays (of course)
Holidays (both US and Chinese for us)

This week begins our 6 month celebration of our Quiet Tiger:

Six months ago today, L was placed in my arms -- Gotcha Day

Six months ago tomorrow, L officially became a member of our family -- Adoption Day

Next week, December 7 marks L's Homecoming Day 6 months ago 

Oh, what a ride these last 6 months have been!  And it hasn't been all a joy ride, believe me!  We are now in a home of our own.  She has her own room.  She has a real crib and not a pack-n-play.  She has a yard and a pool.  She has toys that frankly I had forgotten about after over a year with our stuff in storage.  These changes have been so welcome and completely freeing for all of us!

During our first 6 months at home, I read and re-read Jen Hatmaker's blog post over and over and over again because I felt like I was going crazy.  Her post about the first year of adoption is nothing but 100% T-R-U-T-H.  I could identify with each and every step, every phase of adoption that she outlined.  But add to the stress of adoption, the stress of our overly dramatic life these past few years and I was an absolute mess after L came home.  Reading Jen's blog made me feel sane again, even if just for the 15 minutes it would take me to read it.

For me, this is how it went:

Travel
When I was in China, most days were a whirlwind with places to go, papers to sign, appointments to make.  It was hard to take in the fact that this little girl, this Quiet Tiger was even my daughter.  Heck, she looked like a boy with that freshly shaved head!  Even on our free days it really did feel like I was just babysitting her.  It was so surreal that the adoption dream we had was actually happening.  But it wasn't happening the way I pictured it.  I really disliked China, unfortunately.  I didn't like the pollution (I didn't see the sun the entire time) or the over populated crowds of Xi'an or the fear of crime which my guides told me about around my hotel (pick pockets).  Thanks to our unemployment reality, L and I lived on ramen noodles in our hotel room and I felt trapped - trapped in China and all alone with a strange child.  Guangzhou was much better as I finally got to see the sunshine and some American and European faces, all with beautiful Chinese babies and I enjoyed it there, but still, we just stayed in and didn't go out exploring much or spending any money other than for necessities.  I couldn't justify the expenses with no income coming in back home.

Stage 1: Honeymoon - Our first 2 months home
The honeymoon phase wasn't bad once we were home and it lasted quite a nice long while.  We had our good days and bad days.  Jet lag was a beast and L didn't much care for Jay at all, but she really adjusted pretty quickly, it seemed.  You all showered us with gifts of clothes and toys which were so much appreciated because we had so little!  L smiled and laughed and learned to love her daddy.  She learned to love her big brothers and her pets.  Words exploded from her mouth.  My mom came to visit and we celebrated L's 2nd birthday, which was probably her first birthday celebration ever.  Most of the time I'd look at L and think to myself, "What was your birth-mama thinking?"  The good and exciting moments outnumbered the hard moments.

Stage Two - Months 3-5
Enter phase two.  Coming home, we brought her home to a mess.  Friends at the airport welcomed us home and insisted that Texas really was our new home now.  I searched our friend's eyes and just waited for him to say that he hired Jay while I was overseas.  I got nothing.  I wanted to slap him hard in the face for hugging me and welcoming me "home."  I mean, we didn't have our own home, but we had my mother-in-law's condo.  We didn't have an income, not even any prospects.   We lost our health insurance.  L's crib and her toys were in a storage unit in Lincoln, Nebraska.  Her new extended family was scattered across the US.  Friends who had been praying for her for 3 years never had the chance to meet her as we all had hoped.  She came home to a stressed, out of work daddy and a jet lagged mommy who couldn't hold it all together.  It was so unfair to her.  She deserved better.   After the honeymoon phase was over, time and time again, I'd look at her and think, "What have we done?  Mommy isn't strong enough to make it through this disaster.  How on earth can I raise a daughter through this?"  I wanted a way out but none came.  If I could have written a letter to my pre-adoption self, I would have said, "STOP!  TURN AROUND!  GO BACK!  Your life is going to fall apart and it will be ugly and it will be no place for a daughter who needs stability AND a mama who can hold it all together."

As the weeks progressed, we dealt with food issues of L gorging and throwing screaming fits over food.  I wondered if her antics would ever end.  Would I ever be able to cook or prepare a meal without her under foot, or peering around the corner, making sure I was there with something for her to put in her distended belly?  I'd cry at how many times I'd say, "Stop obsessing!  There is food and mama will feed you when it's ready.  Now go play with toys so I can finish cooking."  I wondered when we'd hit the day that I wouldn't have to physically pick her up and plop her in front of a basket brimming with toys instead of sitting and staring at me, crying over the food I was making in the kitchen.

We fought mysterious hives for about 2 months, wondering if she had a food allergy and kept her away from all the foods she loved in China - anything containing wheat, thinking that was the cause of the huge itchy hives.  

We dealt with RMD (Rhythmic Movement Disorder) in her sleeping as she'd bang her head and legs during the night, waking us up multiple times and often times keeping us from falling back to sleep.

We dealt with jealousy issues over her big brother E.  She couldn't stand it when he was close to me or if I was paying him any due one-on-one attention.

We dealt with a little girl who was absolutely defiant at every turn, refusing to listen to us or learn that "no always means no."  She spent most of her 3rd month home in a permanent state of timeout.  I was at my wits end and I'd have a hard time looking her in the eye and I'd only touch her if it were absolutely necessary.  Post Adoption Depression is real and I had it!

Remember my 4 Month blog post saying how well she was doing?  In complete honesty, within a couple of days following that post, Miss L decided to regress.  She became a child I didn't even know.  She cried HUGE tears and threw fits over me leaving the house for 2 minutes to take the trash outside, something she had been used to for months prior.  The same behavior ensued when I went upstairs to her room without her in order to put laundry away, but she had always done that and had never learned to get over it.  And get this, she even woke up one morning with a huge nasty hive on her leg!  While I'm still convinced she's allergic to the pool at the condo, I'm not ruling out stress either.  It took her a good few weeks to ease out of the regression and come back to herself, the girl I knew her to be.

I write this to any new adoptive parents out there who may be experiencing all of the above and then some because I am happy to report that we have progress.

At about the 4 month mark, L started to ever so slowly turn a corner with food.  She slowly stopped her obsession of watching me like a hawk in the kitchen.  She stopped crying screaming if I didn't share food with her.  She wouldn't walk around after a full meal like a stray dog looking for scraps on the floor or underneath the padding of her high chair (one of the grossest places ever, by the way).  I could see in her eyes that she was still thinking about food, but she didn't act out as much.  She was learning to trust that I would always feed her.

We found out the cause of the hives after weeks of trial and error.  Turns out it was the chemicals they use in the pool at Grandma's condo.  She doesn't seem to react at any other pool than that particular one.

She still bangs her head and kicks her legs in the crib at nap time and bed time.  I'm praying she'll stop that one day soon.

Let's face it, she's still 2 years old and she still hates hearing the word "no" from us, but she handles it so much better now at the 6 month mark.  She's learned that outlets and cords are dangerous and no longer plays with them.  She has learned that the computer and iPad are off limits to her and she doesn't touch them incessantly with the, "What?  I didn't know I wasn't supposed to touch these, you've never told me before," lie in her eyes.  I still say "no"quite a bit, but it's not over and over again for the same thing after the same thing after the same blessed thing!  Hallelujah!  And when she hears "no," it's typically not followed by overly dramatic, protruding lip, crocodile tears, pouting, crying and overly loud carrying on.  It's a "no" and she's on her way.

I think she's learning that she is not the princess she thinks she is, that she isn't the center of the universe, that we aren't here to be at her beck and call for any little thing her heart fancies.  She is learning boundaries and limits and that she is not going to get away with anything.  She is learning that we are in control and she is not.

Those first few months were insanely hard and my friends in the adoption community used to say, "Fake it until you make it," or "All you have to do is just show up," and things will get easier over time.  Let's be honest, there were days that I couldn't even muster up the energy to fake it and there were days when I didn't even want to show up.  Period.  I do have to say that for me, it took a solid 6 months to really get beyond the tough stuff, to find the energy and will to push through, to feel a genuine, true, real love building inside my heart for my daughter.  We do still have hard days, but for the most part, I do believe we are now entering Stage 3.

I'm happy to have our Quiet Tiger here in our family.  I have come to love her.  I enjoy her presence here in our home and I'm excited to see all that God has in store for her.  I'm thrilled that she is my daughter!

Our Quiet Tiger then - Gotcha Day May 2012

1 Month after Gotcha - June 2012

2 Months after Gotcha - July 2012

3 Months after Gotcha - August 2012

4 Months after Gotcha - September 2012

 

5 Months after Gotcha - October 2012

L today - 6 months after Gotcha - November 2012

We're Home!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am so grateful!  We are now in our new home having closed on the 15th.  We still don't have internet connected and won't until the 27th (I'm writing this back at the MIL's condo where we are celebrating the holiday with Jay's family).  I've been able to check email and things at the nearby McDonald's.  Our furniture will arrive on Monday afternoon.  Until then, we keep on camping out in sleeping bags and watching Disney movies on Jay's laptop for evening entertainment.

The house was a relocation property, so it had been very well maintained by professionals.  Normally when moving, I'd spend a day just cleaning and cleaning before my belongings arrived.  This was not necessary.  There was hardly a speck of dust anywhere, and believe me, I looked!  It was a gift to just be able to move in and make it ours immediately.  I did wipe out the cabinets and drawers and bathrooms, but they came out spotless too!  The only thing we had to do was get rid of a dead squirrel in the backyard.  Eew.

The dogs love their backyard.  Freedom from the leash at the condo!  The pool isn't heated so it's much too cold to go for a swim.  I still need to learn how to maintain the pool anyway.

Thanks to our friends Scott and Hannah for arranging all the manpower to load up all our very much missed stuff in Nebraska!  Even if we had been there in person, we would have been leaning into friends for assistance as to not aggravate Jay's herniated disc.  And I'd like to give a shout out to ABF uPack.  They have been absolutely WONDERFUL to deal with.  Every phone call I've had from their 800-number staff, their local office staff (both TX and NE) and even their truckers have all been a delight to work with.  If you see yourself moving in the future, I highly recommend them.  (And my blog doesn't reach that many people for me to be compensated for my reviews of any services).

What my readers really came for are pictures, so here are a few.  Enjoy the pictures of our bare house!

I pray God will bless this home and all who come visit!  Once our stuff arrives, we'll let you know when the welcome mat is out -- unless you bring a sleeping bag and pillow, then you're welcome to stop by and camp with us immediately!

Front of the house.
You've seen this photo before in a previous post.

Living/Dining Room.  (View 1).
Photo taken from the front door.

Living/Dining Room (view 2).
Straight ahead is the kitchen.
White door in front of the stairway is the garage access.
White door on the other side of the stairs is the guest room.

Living Room (view 3).
Eventually, we'd like to install hardwood floors for future resale
value -- not that we're planning to go anywhere for a long time!

Stairs to the 2nd level.
Powder room and guest room are down the hall on the left.  
The door on the right is the garage entry.

Eat-in kitchen with French Doors out to deck.
Anyone know how I can put a screen door on a French Door?
I really want to be able to open up to the outdoors.

Kitchen (view 2).
The cut-out above the sink goes through to the Living/Dining Room.

Kitchen (view 3).

1st floor powder room.

1st floor Master Bedroom.
We'll use this as our Guest Room.
The little square door you see near the floor and the right window leads to
the controls for the tub in the bathroom.

1st floor Master Bath.  Not a great picture.
It has a large jetted tub, 2 sinks and on the opposite side is a huge walk-in closet.

Upstairs Loft.
When you reach to top of the stairs, this is to your right.
We'll keep most of the kids' toys here and we'll home school up here
once we can find a table or desk that will serve us well.

Upstairs Master Bedroom.
This room is to the left at the top of the stairs.  It's quite separate from the other upstairs bedrooms.
The door is to the upstairs master bathroom.
This room faces the backyard.

Upstairs Master Bedroom (view 2).

Upstairs Master Bathroom (view 1).
No jetted tub here, but other than that, it's just as big a bathroom as the downstairs master bathroom.

Upstairs Master Bathroom (view 2).

Upstairs hallway taken from the loft.
This happens to be the spot where we stood and decided this was to be our next house.

Jay's office.
Faces the front yard.

L's bedroom (view 1).
Faces the front yard.

L's bedroom (view 2).




Upstairs laundry room.
In between L's room and the boys room.
Faces the side of the house.

Kid's bathroom upstairs.
In between all the upstairs bedrooms.
Faces the side of the house.

The boys room.
The last room at the end of the hallway.
Faces the side of the house.  They wake up to a view of Sea World in the distance!

Back of the house.
You've seen this photo before in a previous post.

So Long HSB!

Tomorrow is closing day.  I'm posting now because we won't have the internet up and running for a day or two in the new home.

Of course, tomorrow won't be easy or as simple as we'd hope.  Jay has his regional exam in San Antonio at 7:30am.  Then he'll head over to meet me at the closing.  Then I'll head to the new house and Jay will head back to the condo one last time to pick up our pop-up camper.  It would be insane for him to tow it down at 5:30 in the morning and then find a place to park it during his exam, not to mention the fact that it tends to blow tires.  He doesn't need that stress in the dark morning hours wearing a business suit.

We may be camping in the house for a while, doing laundry in the bathtub, and sleeping in sleeping bags until our stuff from Nebraska arrives (still working on dates with our friends who will do the loading of shipping containers), but I'm still excited to have our own place again and ample space to spread out.

I'd appreciate your prayers for the following:

Safe travel down to San Antonio, including the pop-up camper which tends to blow tires.  It's impossible to change a flat on that thing on our own as it needs a larger jack.  In the interest of saving money, we let our AAA membership expire when Jay lost his job, so we'd be relying on our Auto insurance to help us if we blow a tire.

Pray for a smooth closing, with no surprises and no hiccups or glitches, etc.  You could pray for well behaved children during the appointment as well.

But other than the camper and the closing, my largest prayer request is for our Quiet Tiger.  Think about it.  Her life has already been disrupted twice - once when her birth mom left her at the gate of the orphanage.  The second time, when I met her in China and took her out of her country and into a foreign land, a new home.  But it wasn't really going to be her forever home - it was my mother-in-law's condo.  Tomorrow she will leave this condo, her temporary home for a more permanent one.  But she'll leave behind the familiarity of this place, the rooms she knows, the furniture she knows (it's all Grandma's), the sights and smells of her first US home.  Tomorrow it all changes.  This is bound to stress her out, especially as we sleep in sleeping bags for a while (I am taking Grandma's pack-n-play with us for now to contain L at night).  I expect her to regress, to throw fits, to be sad and confused, to even break out in hives (please no!) but I pray these things don't happen.

Please pray for her during this transition.  Pray that our bond would be strong enough for her to know that mama and baba are always here, no matter where "here" is.  Pray for her to love her new home!  Pray for her to somehow understand that this is an exciting adventure that we are on as a family, one that we have been praying for since the day Jay lost his job in California this past spring.

Thanks for all the support, friends!  I'll update the blog as soon as we have internet connected in the new house.  It may be a day or two.

So long, Horseshoe Bay!

Let's Try This Again -- HOUSE!!!

Many of you may have seen my Facebook status that we had an urgent prayer request a few weeks ago on a Tuesday night about the [first] house we had an offer on in San Antonio.  What happened?  Well, as my realtor called at 6pm to confirm that the appraisal was being ordered, he asked me, "You do know that this home is in a flood plain, don't you?"

Um, no. 

The disclosure filed by the seller did not state that it was in a flood plain and the realtor didn't tell us that it was, even when we asked about it repeatedly since the home backs to a greenbelt and has a rain culvert right next-door.  I wish it didn't get 2 weeks into the buying process to figure this out.  I'll also say that the selling agent lived right next door to the property and she didn't even disclose the flood plain on her listing.  Hmmmm.

After living in Nebraska and witnessing the Nebraska/Iowa flood of 2011 and then watching my family in Minnesota experience "total losses" this year with the catastrophic Duluth flooding, I just couldn't go forward with a home in a flood plain.  I couldn't.

NE/IA flooding 2011

NE/IA flooding 2011

Duluth, MN flooding 2012 - this is Jay Cooke State Park close to where my grandparent's home was.

Duluth, MN flooding 2012

The very next day, I looked at 80 more houses online as we put the purchase of "Flood Plain House" on hold.  Jay drove by a few of the homes I liked online while he was in San Antonio for work.  He called later and told me to go ahead and schedule appointments because he found the neighborhoods desirable, and on Thursday I packed up the kids and we drove down to look at almost 8 or 9 more houses while Jay worked.

I don't recommend looking at houses with 3 children and no husband.  At one point, all 3 children were in tears at the same time.  Oh, please.

We now have officially let go of "Flood Plain House," have received our earnest money back (thanks for praying for that, those of you who knew) and have put an offer on another home.  Since our bank already has all of our paperwork on file, we should still be able to get in before October is up.  It will be the first week of November at the latest.

The home is in a great neighborhood with a much nicer feel to it than the first home.  It's actually a little bit hilly, which I love!  Any rain water will run right past us and keep going down!  Hard to believe this house was actually a bit cheaper than "flood plain house."  This house offers 5 bedroom too!  On the main level of the house is a HUGE master bedroom with a private master bath and huge walk-in closet.  This will actually be our guest room and great for Jay's dad when he visits due to his declining health.  The eat-in kitchen is a bit smaller than I'd like and it doesn't have the walk-in pantry that I loved in the previous house.  But I'll make due and I'll figure out where to store all my appliances.  There is one main living/dining room on the main level and a half bath too.

Upstairs has 4 bedrooms.  The upstairs master is smaller than the main floor master, but not by much and it's just fine for us.  I like being close to my kids in the middle of the night when they are young.  We may eventually want the space of the downstairs master when the kids are older.  We'll see.  The upstairs master bath is a touch smaller than the lower master bath, but not by much either.  They both have double sinks and tub/shower and toilet and huge walk-in closets.  The kids rooms are very large!  The boys will have plenty of room for their bunk beds and dressers and toys [the ones too small for Lauren] to boot.  Jay will take the smallest upstairs bedroom as his office since he'll be doing quite a bit of work from home.  All that rooms needs is a ceiling fan (all the other rooms have one).  Hopefully we can score a nice desk and file cabinets on Craig's List or garage sales.  The laundry room is also upstairs like the first house.  Still not sure I'll like it because it means kenneling the dogs in the kitchen downstairs instead of in a mudroom which I prefer, but I'll get used to it.  The upstairs also has a loft which will be big enough for our sectional, the kids toys and a home school area.  The carpets are all pristine, walls a nice beige that will never have to be painted (and I don't intend to, much to the surprise of my friends who know how much I LOVE color).  The fixtures are all nicely updated with no older brass finishes.  Nothing in this house needs to be done.  Maybe, just maybe in the future we could rip out carpet and put in hardwood, but not for quite a few years, and only for resale.  The backyard could use a shed for tools since the garage is only a 2-car, but we can do that later.  Landscaping is great!  It's just move in and be home.  HOME!!!!  We didn't have that with the "flood plain house" (required paint and a lot of work in the bare backyard).

And the best part?  The backyard has a pool!  Our realtor thinks the pool was a negative feature for the home because it was on the market for 97 days.  For us, with our kids in the hot Texas climate, the pool was a perk!  The boys are so excited.  This momma-fish is quite excited too.  Now to learn how to care for it myself so I don't have to call a professional.  How can we home school in the pool?  I'll find a way!

Lest you think we are going crazy with a 5 bedroom home with a pool after losing 2 jobs and completing an international adoption, remember that this is Texas, folks.  This house is in the "starter home" price range.  Insane, right?  It is tens of thousands cheaper than our first home in Chicago that we bought as newlyweds 11 years ago, working in ministry and it's also cheaper than our second home in Nebraska.  Housing is just so insanely cheap down here and that's why Jay wanted to try living here until we have our feet underneath ourselves again as he builds a business.  Once his business becomes successful, we'll have more options to move elsewhere if we desire to be closer to family again.  For now, we kind of wanted to start all over, be conservative and have the smallest mortgage possible.  We've never been over our heads with our mortgages in the past, but after everything we've been through and how all of you have helped us adopt and then bring home our daughter while unemployed, we vow to pay it forward and give generously when we are able.  To whom much is given, much is required.  We know that full well and we want our lives to reflect that.  That means a "starter home" is the best place for us for now.

While house hunting this time, I didn't take my camera with me because it was a last-minute, unexpected trip early in the morning with 3 kids with massive bed-head.  For now, enjoy a few outside shots from the listing.  The original interior pictures showed the home lived in (it's now vacant) and I don't want to post pictures of someone else's furniture, so hopefully these will do for now.  If I have to run back to San Antonio for any reason between now and closing, I'll see if I can get in to take more pictures of it vacant.

Prayers appreciated that we don't lose this one and that we can move in before Halloween!

In comparison to "Flood Plain House," this one has a much nicer, more elegant feel to both home and neighborhood.

"Can we have a pool, dad?  Can we have a pool, dad?  Can we have a pool, dad?"

The pool was a selling feature for us here in the hot Texas climate.  And with it being so nicely done with a beautiful deck and nice landscaping, we love it for our fish kids!

Wrestling

Be prepared for the real side of adoption; the ugly side, the sad side.

We may never really know the truth about our daughter's first 22 months on this earth before I met her face to face.  Her birthdate is at best, an estimate based on her dental development.  But I do know that she was relinquished at the gate of the orphanage around a month and a half after she was born.  I know that she was in an older orphanage, but at some point, her town opened a brand new, beautiful orphanage and all the kids and caregivers were rehoused there.  The pictures we have in the scrapbook I was given on Gotcha Day show a beautiful, clean building with play rooms, classrooms, toddler rooms with cribs, et cetera.

A view of her bandaged leg in the orphanage.

While facilities may be nice and pristine, the care may not be as spotless, in our eyes.  After we received our referral and were matched with L, we were so anxious to receive more current photos of her.  When we received those treasured photos, I quickly noticed what appeared to be a bandage on L's left ankle.  Her feet fit into identical shoes, but the ankle and lower leg clearly looked different from her right.  I inquired about it and weeks later, my agency heard from China that L was healthy and had sustained no injuries, there was no cause for alarm about her leg.

Not too long after that, a friend also adopting from China posted a picture of her waiting daughter on her blog with a tether around her ankle.  My eyes were opened to the fact that some orphanages around the world tether children to cribs, chairs, toilets and the like.  It's not just something you read about in the news and wonder if it's really a half-truth.  It happens.  It's unthinkable, isn't it?  But it happens.  I looked back at the picture of L and her bandaging on her leg.  Could that have been some sort of protection to her skin for times when she had been tethered to her bed or was it indeed a bandage concealing a hidden scar, bodily harm caused by being tied to some immovable object?  I may never know the answer.

L's ankles today.  Notice the purple scars, especially on her right leg.

Upon coming home with L, I certainly noticed marks on her right ankle, not the one bandaged in the picture.  She has faint lines on her left ankle and deep lines on her right.  Wanting to put the idea of tethering out of my mind, I put my hopes into the thought that maybe the lines on L's ankles are amniotic bands.  In reality, there is a chance that they are scars from being tethered.  Pediatricians can guess, but we may never know the truth.

We've found additional reason to believe L was tethered to her crib.  Lately we've been dealing with L's RMD - Rhythmic Movement Disorder - when she sleeps.  She'll lay there in her crib and will kick a foot to soothe herself into slumber.  She didn't do this until after she had been home for a few months and it has forced us to put her to sleep upstairs in her own room rather than sleeping in our room for bonding's sake.  Her RMD would keep us up at night.  Guess which foot she kicks?  The right one - the one with the deep scar.  It is, perhaps, just a little bit of a glimpse into her past.

However last week brought more disturbing behavior from my daughter.  I witnessed something fascinating, but in a heart wrenching sort of way.

I was doing school with my boys on Thursday morning.  C was in the back bedroom reading his history book and I set E up at the dining room table doing his handwriting activities while I quickly looked over the home inspection report that had just come into my email box.  I moved into the living room to read the report while L played in front of me.  She was lying in a pile of couch cushions and pillows that had been left by my boys from their most recent fort building spree.  L was laying on top of it all and was making a strange noise.  I can best describe it as a third fake, a third angry or frustrated, and a third sad or upset.  Needless to say, it was a strange sound, one I'd never heard from her before.  I looked up from my iPad to see what was bugging her.  She was on her back, on top of all the cushions, with a light blanket over her midsection.  Her head, arms and legs were all uncovered and free.  She was not pinned or trapped in the slightest.

Let me interrupt this story by saying that L dislikes blankets.  In China she was indifferent to them.  Once home, she simply didn't want one.  I'd lay one across her at bedtime and I'd later find it on the floor outside her crib.  She never cried over them but she'd toss them out once I left the room.  I quickly stopped even offering one.  We recently had a cool day here in Texas.  I didn't want to turn the furnace on, but it wasn't cold enough for a thick blanket sleeper for L to wear at bedtime either.  I laid L down in her crib and pulled a baby blanket out of the drawer behind me.  She screamed an enormous fit at the sight of it.  This was a whole new reaction entirely.  It was not a battle I was going to fight with a tired 2 year old at bedtime.  If she was fine without a blanket, I'd fold it up and lay it back in the drawer.  No need for drama.  Case closed.

So, watching L with this blanket in the living room was curious.  She'd lay on her back, blanket hardly covering her, she'd kick and wrestle it with this angry, yet sad, fake cry.  Not even 5 seconds later she'd roll onto her belly, out from under the blanket, looking almost like a cat that had just pounced on a mouse, and she'd immediately stop her fussing.  Five seconds later, she'd roll back onto her back and then reach and pull the blanket back over her belly; her arms, legs and head still free and unencumbered.  A few seconds of odd fussing again, then roll back over and stop fussing.  Then onto her back again with fussing repeated, then roll to her stomach without a sound further.  You get the picture.  Over and over and over again she'd wrestle with this blanket for a good 5-7 minutes while I silently watched this odd drama from the couch.  She was acting something out.

I wrote to my adoption community on Facebook and without offering my inference first, one friend in particular confirmed my unspoken suspicions.  She knew of some orphanages in China where children are bound in blankets and then strapped to their cribs.  And this wasn't her educated guess.  She had seen it with her own eyes and had even taken a picture.  In an instant, L's drama in the living room brought to light the idea that she was most likely bound in blankets and tied to her crib, unable to move freely.  It would also explain some raw skin L had on her waistline when I got her in China.  Thankfully, those lines went away with love and care and lots of baby lotion which she loved!  Her little act on the living room floor was acting out her anger and sadness over being trapped in her metal crib.  And rolling over onto her belly and being out from under the blanket was her escape.  She was wrestling for her freedom - freedom that she didn't have in China, freedom that she does have here.

We're not naive enough to believe that these practices don't exist.  We went into our adoption knowing that some orphanages, not all orphanages in our world, may use these practices.  Our required adoption training referenced it.  But we never imagined our daughter may have witnessed it herself.  This is tough!  So tough, it brings me to tears.  I would guess that the average person like me wouldn't understand how a 2 year old can have the memory, the recall of the traumatic events in her short little life.  But my daughter is proof.  She remembers and she's wrestling with her sad past and her happy present.  It's a heartbreaking reality.  No child should have to endure what my daughter may have endured.

Rest assured that my sweet girl is happy and has adjusted very well.  This was just a very rare, eye opening incident.  The rest of her day was happy and uneventful and the days that have followed since have been without incident.  But I'm just so thankful that L is now free with us here at home, yet I seek your prayers for the healing of her body, mind and spirit and that she can move on, free from the weight of her past, free to embrace her freedom and the love we desire to pour into her life.

I know God will do amazing things through my daughter and her story - her whole story.  I trust Him.


PS...  You don't read many stories like this online because many people don't talk openly about it.  I do not write this to blast my daughter's home country for their actions because this happens in other countries too.  Without China, we wouldn't have a daughter.  We love her culture and we will raise her to honor her rich heritage.  Its our utmost privilege to raise one of China's beautiful, precious daughters.  And I certainly do not want to open any of this up for debate or human rights discussions.  I'm not even opening up the comments section on this post.  This is simply our story.  It's just what we are dealing with now and I am choosing to speak out with the hopes that this might reach another family struggling with similar concerns so they would know they are most certainly not alone.