Evidence

Last week I was going NUTS! It seemed like everything adoption related was at a standstill. A friend on Facebook reminded me that God is still at work even when things seem still. Thanks, ST! But last week I had had enough. It had been over 3 weeks since our home study meeting and we were STILL waiting on background checks and fingerprints to arrive. We were also waiting to see if we’d really need to meet with our social worker one more time and if our basement renter would need a physical to accompany our dossier. With all that waiting, I felt like I was playing Uno with my boys and I kept getting socked with the SKIP card. I wanted to toss my computer out into the backyard because no email and no word of movement were eating me alive. CHOMP!

But tonight we had our final home study meeting. Yes, we had to have one. I had no idea what to expect in terms of discussion. Our social worker is really on the ball and had all her information already. This last meeting was mostly a formality. Want to know how relaxed I really was? I even wanted to wear yoga pants. How’s that for professional? Alas, I changed into jeans 20 minutes before our social worker arrived. You see, I have a graduated level system in my house:

• The first time a guest arrives, having never visited our home before, I will have showered and I’ll have freshly applied make-up. My house will be as absolutely perfect as it can be. In addition to all the general scrubbing and cleaning, all beds will be made (even the boys’ bunk bed) and I may even wash windows. Be very impressed!
• The second time that guest visits, I’ll be showered and dressed, but the make-up may not be freshly touched up. I’ll dust and vacuum and run a Clorox wipe over the bathrooms, and pick up the toys but that’s about it. No deep cleaning. Windows will have patty prints and paw prints. And beds WILL NOT be made. That’s a one-time deal, my friend.
• The third time, I’ll be cleaned up but I probably won’t be wearing make-up. There may be laundry on the couch waiting to be folded. There will definitely be a few toys strewn about, a couple white tufts of American Eskimo tumbleweeds rolling through because I didn’t have a chance to vacuum. Hope you don’t wear black clothing! If so, I’ll offer you a lint brush before you leave.
• Upon the fourth visit, it’s every man for himself! You’re fully initiated into my family and what you see is what you get. You know that I keep sodas in my garage fridge, the water out of the front of my kitchen fridge is the good filtered stuff and you help yourself and you’re fully knowledgeable as to where I keep my lint brush.

That to say, tonight’s meeting was really relaxed! We met for 45 minutes and mostly talked about our social worker's experience with 2 China adoptions of her own. She told us what to bring, what to expect. I appreciated her story! We reviewed our paperwork. All our paperwork has arrived, local fingerprints from the State Patrol and all state background checks. Jay has his physical tomorrow morning, so hopefully we’ll have his medical form filled out CORRECTLY by Friday. Still no word if our basement renter will need to have a physical. We know that the State of Nebraska won’t require one and that China won’t require one. PLEASE PRAY THAT THIS UNNECESSARY PHYSICAL CAN BE ELIMINATED [see our NEW Prayer Request tab at the top]! It wouldn’t be terrible, but he’s an out-of-state student on his parent’s insurance and it would just be a hassle for everyone and we know it isn’t required.

We’ve been told to expect the rough draft of our home study within a week. YES! Rock solid evidence of adoption progress! Thanks, God! I needed that!

Giving Thanks

I can’t usually make it through the holiday without thinking of an episode of one of my favorite shows, Mad About You. You know the episode I’m talking about? It’s the one where Paul & Jamie are hosting their families and friends for Thanksgiving dinner at their NYC apartment and they’re totally stressed out. In the midst of the family chaos, their dog Murray is found on the island in the kitchen eating the freshly cooked bird! Classic! So, they stall their families, pretending nothing is wrong. At one point, Jamie has all her guests sit in a circle in the living room going through all the things they are thankful for, while Paul sneaks out to buy another bird for the umpteenth time. Jamie even lists her thankfulness in alphabetical order, to give Paul more time to scramble.

It really hasn’t been a pretty year in our household. It’s been our toughest run so far. But I’m still blessed beyond measure and I have much to be thankful for. What are you thankful for? In Jamie Buchman fashion, here’s my list…

A – Adoption. Thankful for the call to add a daughter from China to our family. Beyond grateful that God has adopted me into His forever family!

B – Boys. Mine, specifically. I have a couple of great kids and a great husband, dogs and guinea pig to boot. That’s a lot of boys in this house!

C – Chocolate. Needs no explanation, does it?

D – Dogs. I have the 2 cutest American Eskimos ever. Now if I could only get them to ride in the car without throwing up! Suggestions?

E – E, my 3 ½ year old. He is super funny, adorable and mommy’s boy. I can’t get enough of him!

F – Friends. I’m grateful for old friends and new. Life sure would be a difficult journey without you.

G – Green grass (double G). I may be from the Midwest, but I HATE winter. I’d much rather be outside in the yard in the summer than cooped up inside during the bitter cold winter.

H – Home. The one of my youth that consistently shows up in my dreams. The first home we lived in after getting married. Our second home -- the one I live in currently. The one I can always go back to anytime I want (i.e. mom’s). The other places that feel like home including Minnesota & Japan. There’s nothing like the feeling of being home where I can relax and be the real me.

I – Icing. Specifically the buttercream at Mariano’s in Arlington Heights. Just had it this fall back home in IL. This is the BEST STUFF EVER. I have to learn how to make it. Anyone have a recipe?

J – Jay, my husband, my best friend. He never ceases to make me laugh. There’s another J who lives in our basement. I’m thankful for him, his friendship and help around the house. Love having him here.

K – Knitting. When our dossier is sent to China I’ll start knitting my daughter her first afghan. Can’t wait.

L – Lincoln. This can be a stretch for me, but yes, I’m thankful for the town I currently live in. Moving here has allowed me to be a stay-at-home mom, brought me AMAZING friends and neighbors (you know who you are), it’s the birthplace of my second son and it maintains the Midwest values we cherish.

M – Mom! I’m living 500 miles away from mine and I miss her every day. She’s the best mom and Grammie ever. She spoils us rotten and she knows it. And as much as I can never repay her, I will continue her legacy with my own grandchildren one day and spoil them rotten.

N – Neighbors. We have THE BEST neighborhood ever. If you all are reading this, you guys rock!!! Let’s spend the winter inside each other’s houses, letting the kids play, hanging out with good food and good friends! Our door is always open! Any Thai dinners coming up?

O – Opals. My birthstone and my grandmas too.

P – Prayer. I can talk to God about anything, anytime and He listens. Praying that our China daughter will be home by Thanksgiving 2011!

Q – Quiet. With 2 boys running around, there isn’t much of it. But when I find it, I relish it!

R – Recipes. Love reading them, trying them, tweaking them, sharing them. Got a favorite to share? Leave a comment.

S – Seven year old. Mine! Super C is one amazing kid and he blows me away with how smart and kind he is. I can’t believe he’s 7.

T – Tremblay’s Peanut Butter-Chocolate Fudge from Hayward, Wisconsin (and Stillwater, Minnesota too). Trust me. It’s worth the trip, people!

U – USA. Thankful for this country, the freedoms we have, those that defend and protect our freedoms, those that gave their lives for our freedom. The list could go on. God bless the USA!

V – Vacation. We love to travel. Love the memories we create visiting other locales. This year was South Dakota. Loved the Badlands and Rushmore! Sure, camping still isn’t my favorite thing in the world, but it’s an affordable vacation for us these days. It’s more fun with friends though (HINT–HINT to all of our camping friends).

W – Weightloss. I’m thankful that my husband is conquering the battle of the bulge with 50 pounds lost and counting. I’m down 38 and thrilled. But is it really possible to lose a c-section belly? I’m going for a few more to find out. Why settle?

X – Xenophobia -- the fact that I DON’T have it! I love all things foreign and learning about other cultures from the locals. So very thankful for my year in Japan and looking forward to China next year. [And you didn’t think I’d come up with an X other than x-ray, Xerox or xylophone. Pshaw!]

Y – Yesterday. Without my past, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Sure, there are many yesterdays that I’d love to go back and do over, but that’s not possible, so why bother thinking about that. I can only learn from yesterday’s mistakes and grow into the woman God designed me to be today.

Z – Zebras. When E was born, the nursery was a zebra theme. I love it so much that I can’t possibly bear to paint over it. But I will add pink walls and accents to make it unique for my daughter.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Turkeys in Disguise

My 2nd grader had a class project that we were asked to complete as a family this weekend. We were instructed to help disguise a paper turkey in a way that is “meaningful to our family.” Our son will take it to school on Monday and write a story about it. At first, we over-read that “meaningful” part and had decided to dress him like a robot using tin foil and grommets and stuff. Then I re-read the note from the teachers. “Meaningful.” Hmmmm.

Sitting in the living room on Thursday night we discussed it as a family. Jay thought we should dress it in some sort of Japanese way since that would be meaningful to me (I lived & studied in Japan during my sophomore year in college). But then it hit me… “No! China!!! Let’s make him a Chinese Dragon disguise! That would be meaningful to ALL of us!” My son was thrilled with the choice and bounced up and down, “Yeah, YeAh, YEAH,” a big smile on his face.

So, after I put the boys to bed, I Googled for lots of Chinese dragon images, copied and pasted a few, then manipulated them in Publisher and printed. I cut them out on Friday morning so they were ready for coloring and decorating over the weekend. Jay went out and picked up some colored tissue paper at Walmart for the body of the dragon. Of course, I knew my youngest would also want to make one, so I made enough for him too.

Enjoy our 2 turkeys in disguise, plus the head of the one I colored as an example for the boys.  [36 years old and I still love to color!]  Yes, the detail was a bit much for my 3 ½ year old, so I ended up doing most of his, but he told me what colors to use and where they go.  And then my 7 year old colored on the wrong side of his dragon's body, so his isn't aligned quite right, but I love how they turned out!

May our turkeys have luck escaping an imminent demise this Thanksgiving holiday. And as a dragon (Chinese symbol for luck), may they bring luck to us for getting this home study done and get our dossier on the road to China already!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nothing Much to Discuss

We had our first home study meeting tonight. Hooray! It was funny. We really didn’t find that we had much to talk about since we’ve been through it all last year with Nepal. Nothing has changed in our lives.

I didn’t clean the house like mad this time. It was pretty clean from small group on Sunday night anyway. I didn’t even run a vacuum through! It was an easy meeting lasting only 45minutes. We started with chit-chat but went on to talk through all the Hague questions about being convicted or pardoned of a crime, child abuse, DUI, etc. We did talk quite a bit about special needs but Jay and I have yet to have a date afternoon/night when we can go through our match form and talk about what we’re really open to. So, hopefully we can do that this Friday afternoon.

We really like our social worker! She’s so personable and encouraging, felt bad about the loss of our Nepal adoption, but spurred us on towards China. She has invested in this program herself twice now and has 2 beautiful children! I’m thrilled that she did not hand us any more forms to complete! And I’m beyond ecstatic that she only charged us an “update fee” rather than a “full re-write fee.” What a blessing! Thank you, God, for Your provision!

She got a chance to meet our college boarder and talked to him about how we know him, why he’s living here, what he’s studying and then went through all the Hague questions with him. He only needed to be here about 15 minutes and then he left to go study. Thankfully he won’t need to attend any future meetings and our social worker will be investigating whether he’ll still need to have a physical and fill out the medical forms. She says Nebraska won’t require one and from what she knows about the China program, the China government won’t require one either. Prayers appreciated for him not needing that medical file!!!

The next meeting isn’t on the calendar yet. Like I said, we laughed that we really don’t have much to talk about. So, our social worker is also going to ask our agency if they feel we need to meet again in person or if we can just correspond by email and/or phone. At this point, we’re still waiting on our local FBI fingerprints, 2 state clearance forms to arrive (IL and FL) and Jay’s medical and we can be done with the home study! I’m hopeful that perhaps it can be done by early or mid-December.

By the way, Happy National Adoption Awareness Month!  Tell someone you know about our story and maybe their hearts will open to adoption and changing the life of a child in need!

Paperwork Woes

I’m the most organized person I know. I like to make order out of chaos, the bigger the better!

This week was supposed to be a wonderful week – the week I mailed my first set of dossier documents to my agency! Sure, it started that way but it didn’t end that way.

Since mailing the first Priority Mail envelope on Tuesday, I’ve taken 3 trips to the doctor’s office to get my medical form done correctly. First attempt the doctor wrote the form herself but abbreviated words all over the place! Abbreviations = not acceptable. Second attempt the doctor didn’t sign and date the forms! Third attempt it was painfully clear that a nurse filled out the form and had the doctor sign. I don’t pretend to understand the rule, but only the doctor can fill out the form using the same pen, the same ink, the same handwriting, etc. Hopefully a fourth visit next week will yield the perfect results I need.

Yesterday, I get a long email from our agency asking for changes to the documents I just sent. What? I followed the directions to the T. First, they needed specific information on my part-time employment papers detailing how many weddings I’ve coordinated and how much I’ve earned from those. And they also needed to know how many hours per week I work in the Childcare room for Women’s Bible Study. Second on their list was a need for the financial statements for our 403B (retirement investments like a 401K but for non-profits). A third thing that I actually caught was our financial worksheet because it needed an attestation clause for the notary at the bottom but their form didn’t have one. So, I basically had to copy and paste their form into a new Word document and add the attestation at the bottom. Lastly, and this one really gets me, they asked me for an additional picture of my kitchen that shows my refrigerator! Really? A refrigerator? I’m spending tens of thousands of dollars on an international adoption and you’re worried that I don’t have a refrigerator? I know this isn’t the agency’s requirement, so I’m in no way blaming the wonderful staff serving us for years now. They're awesome and great to deal with.  But this is a China thing apparently. Maybe a Hague Convention thing.  Regardless, I took the picture today and 2 copies are waiting for me at Walmart. Need proof that I have a refrigerator? That’s it up above.

It’s funny how one thing can go wrong (the medical report) and can frustrate me all day long but one tiny little thing (a picture of my fridge) will send me into tears! No, friends, it’s not even PMS. It’s the paperwork woes!  Please excuse me from the whining and complaining but I honestly wanted to document this part of the journey simply because I thought it so utterly rediculous.  Yes, I can laugh at it only hours later, thankfully!

I’m hopeful the rest of the paperwork goes much smoother!

Fall Break

We just returned from a week’s vacation back home in Illinois. We normally don’t travel anywhere at this time of year, but after hoarding all our vacation days last year, thinking we’d need them all for Nepal, we don’t want to stockpile again. China won’t be as long of a trip as Nepal would have been, so there’s no need to hoard vacation days anyway.

While we were home, we took some family photos for our dossier, thus completing almost everything that we can of our China file. My birth certificates arrived and were waiting for us when we came home. My doctors office has sent my lab results and completed my physical forms but those need to be redone because of abbreviations and inaccuracies – those are the trickiest forms to get right because they have to be written legibly with no abbreviations, cross-outs or white outs. Jay has yet to complete his physical. I’ll be sending off the first packet of documents to our agency this week.

What we’re really waiting for is the home study. We still don’t have any of the 4 necessary meetings scheduled with our social worker yet. Until the home study is done, we won’t be able to process our I-800A form for China because we can’t get that without the completed, notarized home study. I’m not sure we’ll be able to finish before Christmas, but that’s still my hope.  We'll see if it jives with God's Outlook Calendar.

Sounds like the college student living in our basement will still be here in January. He has an internship identified but is working through the details of when that will start. Probably not in January though – it’s tough to do landscape design in January unless you go to a warm climate. He still might find something else along the way too. He has all his background checks done and in the mail. He has been finger printed up at the state patrol. Now he just needs to have a physical so we can get his medical form done.

On a personal note, Jay has decided to hold off on back surgery. All the PA’s and even the surgeon aren’t recommending it because the 2nd steroid shot is still working, yet starting to wear off slightly. The 40 pound weight loss is helping too! We’re planning on taking it one day at a time for now. Oddly enough, Jay’s back always goes out over Thanksgiving, I kid you not. So, for surgery to happen this year the shot needs to completely wear off and the back needs to go out before early-December. We really don’t want to have to face surgery next year when we’ve met our deductible this year with all his pain and troubles! We’d have to start all over again at the same time as completing a special needs adoption! Besides that, can you imagine flying all the way to China on a bad back? What if it went out while we were over there? Ugh!

Checklists

I love lists!  I’m one of those people who would have lists to organize all my lists!  Seriously.  I have grocery lists.  Clean out my purse and you’ll probably find many old crumpled grocery lists from past trips to Walmart and Super Target.  Actually, I just cleaned out my purse and it’s now empty, but there were at least 6 old, scribbled lists, trust me!  I have library book lists for all the books I want to check out for the kids, including a list of children’s books on adoption for my boys to read now and my future daughter to read as she grows up (blog post on this in the near future).  I have lists of all the things we’d like for the house like kitchen floor refinishing, snow blower, water softener, down payment for a minivan.  I have started on lists of things we’ll need for a little girl because let’s face it; the last 7 years have been all about boys and I have nothing pink or girly in my house.  I have Christmas card lists and adoption fundraising lists.  The list of lists is endless.  And I just received 2 more this week.

We have been in contact with our home study social worker she emailed me the checklist for updating our home study:

o   Get fingerprinted for our FBI criminal background checks (this report takes 6-8 weeks)

o   Order all of our background checks from states we have lived in since turning 18 (not costly but time consuming)

o   Update our medical reports for both Jay and I and the boys as well

We have also received our checklist from our adoption agency.  Our agency reviewed our Nepal dossier, contrasted it with what is needed for China and found out that almost every single piece of paperwork needs to be re-done because our Nepal dossier is over 12 months old.  So, we have the following to complete for the dossier:

o   Change our country immigration from Nepal to China via the USCIS (could be a lengthy wait)

o   Purchase new birth certificates and marriage certificates. 

o   Rewrite our employment letters, power of attorney documents, financial worksheet, education and employment history documents

o   Update our Match Form regarding which special needs we’re open to. 

One other thing.  We'll also have a small stack of paperwork to complete for the college kid who lives in our basement.  He's a great guy who works for my husband at church and he needed a quieter place to stay while he finished school.  Because he'll still most likely live here after our home study is complete for China, we need to include him.  So, background checks, fingerprints, et cetera are due for him as well.  Hopefully it won't be a big deal.

Where are we now?  I’ve created a new timeline to the right.  I’ve kept our Nepal timeline way at the bottom just as a reminder of where we’ve been on this loopy journey.  It’s all a part of our story!  But China has its own new timeline in the right column. 

I’ll start tackling the list as quickly as I can but the governmental paperwork is totally out of my hands.  We’d appreciate prayers for a timely paperwork process.  My goal would be to finish everything by Christmas.