Having never been to such an office before, I had no idea what to expect, but....
I went prepared.
- I had my spreadsheet of ALL of Quiet Tiger's behaviors, from the day we brought her home, up through the very first month of school.
- I had my list of everything we have possibly tried, from Karen Purvis techniques, essential oils, sensory processing tools, yada yada yada.
- I had my Zoloft Diary of everything that had been going on since starting on a VERY LOW dose of anti-depressants to ease Quiet Tiger's anxiety.
She asked me what brought me to the office. I explained that Quiet Tiger was adopted overseas and is a classic case of Reactive Attachment Disorder. The psychologist talked to me. The psychologist talked to Quiet Tiger. At one point, she sent Quiet Tiger to wait in the waiting room (um, I didn't like that, but then again, I don't like discussing some things in front of Quiet Tiger either because of known triggers) and talked with just me.
The meeting didn't go as I had expected. Unfortunately, I had a few pretty significant red flags...
1. My first question to the doc (she's not a medical doc, but she is a PhD) was if she had experience with adoptees and reactive attachment disorder. It was a simple yes or no question. I got neither and that irked me. It is a very fine specialty and we can't have just any person with a lengthy degree nailed onto her wall walking us through trauma counseling.
2. She made it clear to me that she might not agree to helping us long term, that she would pass us off to another therapist, someplace else. In 10 short minutes sitting in her office, I felt like I was inconveniencing her already. I felt like walking out.
3. When we discussed future meetings, I asked her what those meetings would look like. She told me she would meet with both Quiet Tiger and I together, then with me alone, then with Quiet Tiger alone. RED ALERT! RED ALERT! I had learned from other RAD moms that this is a BIG NO-NO for RAD kids because of their manipulation and triangulation. Even therapists in one of my RAD groups has said she would NEVER ask to meet with a child alone without the parents present and she told me to "Run away fast!" from that psychologist.
So, after a few hours of unpacking my brain, we won't be returning to Psychologist #1. We have since had an appointment with Psychologist #2 on November 1 and I will write about that meeting in another post.
In the meantime, be sure to catch my next post. Because while it wasn't all bad at this first visit, the doc did call my own anxiety level to the table. I wanted to be snarky with her and get in her face and say,
I wish I could have been all defensive and snarky! Instead I just smiled and nodded my head in complete agreement, reiterating that I wouldn't have been in her office had I not reached my share of anxiety and stress out of a desire to help my daughter.
So, I've been to my doctor and this momma is now getting help because I don't want to be a part of the problem.
I don't want my anxieties getting in the way of her healing. Stay tuned for my next post about applying my oxygen mask before assisting my child. I'm not too proud to share because too many others out there are bottling it all in, keeping all the plates spinning and it's eating us alive. We needn't live like this. It's time to reach out for help and it doesn't make us less of a human being. Heck, trying to do this on my own has made me feel like less of a human being because I was completely numb to everything, everyone. Getting help for me might just help me feel human again. You think? Stay tuned.
The meeting didn't go as I had expected. Unfortunately, I had a few pretty significant red flags...
1. My first question to the doc (she's not a medical doc, but she is a PhD) was if she had experience with adoptees and reactive attachment disorder. It was a simple yes or no question. I got neither and that irked me. It is a very fine specialty and we can't have just any person with a lengthy degree nailed onto her wall walking us through trauma counseling.
2. She made it clear to me that she might not agree to helping us long term, that she would pass us off to another therapist, someplace else. In 10 short minutes sitting in her office, I felt like I was inconveniencing her already. I felt like walking out.
3. When we discussed future meetings, I asked her what those meetings would look like. She told me she would meet with both Quiet Tiger and I together, then with me alone, then with Quiet Tiger alone. RED ALERT! RED ALERT! I had learned from other RAD moms that this is a BIG NO-NO for RAD kids because of their manipulation and triangulation. Even therapists in one of my RAD groups has said she would NEVER ask to meet with a child alone without the parents present and she told me to "Run away fast!" from that psychologist.
So, after a few hours of unpacking my brain, we won't be returning to Psychologist #1. We have since had an appointment with Psychologist #2 on November 1 and I will write about that meeting in another post.
In the meantime, be sure to catch my next post. Because while it wasn't all bad at this first visit, the doc did call my own anxiety level to the table. I wanted to be snarky with her and get in her face and say,
"Oh, you think I have anxiety issues? Really, lady?
After fighting like hell for 3 years just to bring a daughter home
and then to have to fight for her heart for 4 bleeping years,
you think I have anxiety issues?"
I wish I could have been all defensive and snarky! Instead I just smiled and nodded my head in complete agreement, reiterating that I wouldn't have been in her office had I not reached my share of anxiety and stress out of a desire to help my daughter.
So, I've been to my doctor and this momma is now getting help because I don't want to be a part of the problem.
I want to be a part of the solution
for my daughter.
I don't want my anxieties getting in the way of her healing. Stay tuned for my next post about applying my oxygen mask before assisting my child. I'm not too proud to share because too many others out there are bottling it all in, keeping all the plates spinning and it's eating us alive. We needn't live like this. It's time to reach out for help and it doesn't make us less of a human being. Heck, trying to do this on my own has made me feel like less of a human being because I was completely numb to everything, everyone. Getting help for me might just help me feel human again. You think? Stay tuned.
