First of all, I'm not one to rush to meds. Heck, this child has been home for 4 years and we are just now getting around to it. But frankly, if my child falls down and skins a knee, I'm more the type of mom to say, "Rub some dirt on it. You're fine." Surprise, surprise, the spiritual gift of mercy does not even make my gift list, people! I don't rush my kids to the doctor for every cough, sneeze or sniffle. I don't even use over the counter meds often. I'd rather the kids' immune systems do their job. And while I'm not Miss Holistic, I do think natural remedies are worth a shot first. I love to try good ol' vitamins and healthy foods and I enjoy trying essential oils before turning to our crazy expensive American healthcare.
Now, normally, I wouldn't share such sensitive, personal medical information out there on the inter-webs for the entire world populace to read, but I know how lonely, how agonizing, how devastating, how painful, how lonely (did I mention that before?) this road is and I have hope that our story can help at least one other family out there take a bold chance to fight for their trauma kiddo.
DO YOUR RESEARCH
I know a lot of docs out there hate their patients consulting Dr. Google for all their ailments. But friends....
There are plenty of trauma, attachment, RAD, adoption/foster groups out there on Facebook or Yahoo where you can discuss these issues with other families also in the same boat. Listen in on some of the conversations in those groups. Ask your questions there. Then take your research to the web. For me, I put my focus on well known medical professionals such as Mayo Clinic. I knew it was time for meds and I even knew which type we needed. From hours and hours of research, these were our medication options:
1. Stimulants. These include some of the well known drugs for ADHD but also help with trauma kids. An adoption friend of mine reported good findings with these and her beautiful China babe. Yet I knew without a doubt that a stimulant would not be good for my daughter who continues to head bang in her bed at night. Nope, a stimulant would not work. I wouldn't touch those with a 10-foot pole.
2. Benzodiazapines. Benzos for short. These are more of a temporary drug. I knew that we needed something longer term. Short term meds were not going to solve years of trauma for our Quiet Tiger.
3. Anti-Depressants. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! We have a winner. Anti-depressants are not stimulants and they are not a short-term drug. In fact, in my research, I learned that children on anti-depressants long enough have often been found "cured" (if you can believe it) of their anxiety issues and lead healthy adult lives, medication-free. An anti-depressant is what I wanted, what we needed!
GO PREPARED
So, on a Friday afternoon, I went to the pediatrician and told her everything that happened. I had it all typed out, dated with daily activities, including all the destructive, negative behaviors we had been enduring at home. Document, document, document! Think: spreadsheet, or at the very least, bullet points. Easy to read, concise, yet detailed! Every dirty, grimy, poopy little detail. Every single little thing Quiet Tiger did, I had documented.
But don't forget to include all you have tried! Every single thing we tried: essential oils, L-theanine tabs from The Vitamin Shoppe, melatonin, weighted blankets, sensory outlets like sit-n-spins/trampolines/rockers, I had it all documented and printed and handed the paper to the doctor.
My doctor got it. She did. She's an adoptive mom. She understood. And, I would be remiss if I didn't quote to you what she said to me. Get a load of this: She leaned in to me nose to nose, like a close-talker, and whispered to me (so that Quiet Tiger wouldn't hear too much),
"I give you China moms a lot of credit.
You China moms see it all. You China moms go through it all."
Yep, I broke down in quiet sobbing, head in hands, shoulder shaking tears.
Finally, someone understood me.
Finally, someone heard me.
If her words don't tell you that she knows, that she has other patients reporting the same, that I am NOT CRAZY, friends, I don't know what does.
I told her that was time for help.
I told her this was the last straw,
that I couldn't take it anymore,
that my daughter couldn't take it anymore.
Our doctor is very soft spoken and a bit wishy-washy, in all honesty, but she did agree to trying meds. I had to agree to taking Quiet Tiger to a Child Psychologist, and I agreed and then she agreed to the meds. She turned the computer screen towards me and showed me 2 anti-depressants -- Prozac and Zoloft -- that are FDA approved for children. But she was clearly VERY UNCOMFORTABLE medicating a 6 year old child. I, on the other hand, was demanding it, completely comfortable with it. No qualms whatsoever. She showed me the FDA specifications for Prozac, stating that it was approved for ages 7 and up. She wasn't comfortable with prescribing it for a 6 year old, although she would if I agreed to it, if I wanted it against medical advice (I would have). But then she showed me the specs for Zoloft and it was FDA approved for ages 6 and up. She still hesitated, biting her lip. Yet I nearly jumped up from the uncomfortable plastic doctor's office chair. I tapped the computer screen a few times and stifled a shout but said solidly, "That's it. That's the one I want. Zoloft. That's the one."
FIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD
Doctor Wishy-Washy continued her hesitation but I stood firm. I wasn't angry, I didn't raise my voice. In fact, I broke down in tears when she told me that "Love isn't enough to heal these kids." Tears. She gets it. She really does. She only agreed to give Quiet Tiger half the recommended dose of Zoloft for a 6 year old. I could live with that. It was better than nothing and I felt if I pushed for the full dose, she'd send me away empty handed. After all, we could start small and only go up from there if it didn't end up helping as much as we needed.
We left the office with meds. We left the office with help. We left the office with renewed hope, hope that had been lost in that fast-flowing downward spiral after only 3 shorts weeks of public school.
Friends, believe me, I am documenting each and every day on this medication. Another spreadsheet. I call it my Quiet Tiger Zoloft Diary. The pharmacist told me that it takes 4-6 weeks to take it's full effect, but we were only given enough for 20 days. Dr. Wishy-Washy will want to see us before giving us a renewable prescription, so we'll have to succumb to another office appointment (and pricey bill, I'm sure). After our first round is complete, I will be more than happy to share my findings with you, even if we find this isn't the right med for Quiet Tiger.
Please keep us in your prayers!
