Four

Yesterday my girl turned four!  We surprised her with a balloon drop in her doorway in the morning.  I put her in a cute lime green dress, pinned a Birthday Girl ribbon to the dress, pulled her hair back, and let her wear the tiara that I wore on my wedding day.

What a princess!

We had a celebratory donut for breakfast before running off to Build A Bear.  My boys got to make bears when they were younger and now it was L's turn.  I had hoped she'd choose the panda bear and I had hoped that the store had the cute red Asian silk dress for the bear that I had seen online.  Strike on both accounts.  My girl did not want the panda bear, but chose a cream colored bear.  It was about half the price of the panda, so I'm not complaining there!  The store didn't have the Asian silk, but my girl chose a red, white and blue shirt and a denim skirt.  She again chose the cheap route without even knowing.  Not complaining.  As a matter of fact, when we checked out for less then $25 I felt I could have let her pick out something else for the bear, like maybe underpants.  Yes, underpants for a teddy bear.  Very cute.  But maybe for another time.

The heat nearly melted us as we hiked back to the car and we headed home for lunch and playtime.

We had dinner without Jay because he forgot he had a dinner meeting.  Quiet Tiger chose spaghetti over Chinese food, so spaghetti it was on her special day.  We held off on opening any family gifts since Jay wasn't home.

We were gone the week before to Jackson Hole, WY (blog post forthcoming), so I wasn't planning a party for my girl at all.  But I received an email while we were gone from a friend requesting a playmate with our China girls.  I asked if Tuesday night would work for swimming and cake at my house.  They were excited to come.  We invited 2 other families (1 was able to make it) who we are quite close with and it turned into a very impromptu but fun, low-key party.

I hope my girl felt celebrated.  We are looking forward to the Fabulous Fours!

The reality of today is…

The day was not void of sadness.  Indeed, this day is heartbreaking and tearful and sorrowful.

Why?

You see, a woman on the other side of the globe is desperately missing her daughter.  She is wondering where her daughter is, if she is safe, if she is healthy, if she is loved.

This woman was my daughter's birth mom.  

I think of her often.  On this celebratory day for us, we mourn with this China mom, a woman I will never ever know in this life.  I wish she could somehow know today that her daughter…

...is safe

...that she is healthy

…that she is growing

...that she is smart

...that she is funny

...that she is a little stinker

...that she loves dogs

...that she loves noodles

...that she loves Hello Kitty

…that she loves to play

…that she loves to swim

…that she loves to color

…that she loves stickers, temporary tattoos and face paint

…that her favorite color is yellow and calls it "lellow"

…that she is a nature girl

…that she picks up rocks wherever she goes

…that she is NOT disabled

…that her one-handedness does not hold her back

…that she is determined

…that she is stubborn

…that she is talkative

…that she smiles, laughs and dances

…that she is gorgeous

…that she has beautiful long hair, perfect silky skin and gorgeous dark eyes

…that she has friends

…that she has three dogs

…that she has 2 big brothers

…that she has a mom and a dad

…that she is LOVED

Oh, China mom, if only you knew.  

I am sad for your loss.  I am thankful for bravery.  I salute your decision to choose life.  I thank you for those 2 months where you kept her by your side, safe in your arms.  I am honored to be raising your daughter.

I pray for your salvation so we can meet in Heaven.  What a joyous celebration that will be.

Oh, China mom.  If only you knew.

Yes, birthdays are a mix of very real, very raw emotions.

Happy 4th Birthday, Quiet Tiger!