But the truth is, friends, there is nothing lucky about adoption.
Three years ago today my daughter was found at the gate of the orphanage in Yulin, China.
Three years ago today she lost her mom, her dad, her family, her home.
Three years ago today she lost good nutrition (her dental exams prove it) and a proper standard of care that she had received from her birth mom for the first seven or so weeks of her life.
Three years ago today she lost
everything.
And that's not lucky.
 |
| My daughter's finding spot. The entrance to the orphanage. |
 |
| My daughter's intake photo at the orphanage. Either the day she was found or within days thereof. |
Here's the kicker: my Quiet Tiger remembers it. No, she can't verbalize it, but her brain recalls that traumatic day. Medical studies prove that children do recall the traumatic events of their lives and we read about it in our required adoption training.
The past number of months since her 3rd birthday have been really hard in our household.
My daughter refuses to potty train. She'll have a good day free of accidents and full of excitement, treats and stickers, followed by a day that is accident after accident after accident because she flat out refuses to go on the potty and doesn't give a rip if she's wearing wet or filthy dirty underpants. Ew. I've given up because I can't take it anymore. I worked with her for week after week after week all summer long. I'm exhausted. She's wearing diapers again and perhaps we'll try again before Christmas. I need a good LONG break.
Her food issues have reared up their ugly head and my daughter has returned to screaming hysterical fits when I remove her from the kitchen table after a meal. She'll stare at me with a distant, blank, wondering look on her face as I'm cooking in the kitchen, making sure that there is enough for her. She'll eat as much as her 9 year old brother and still cry for more. She'll eat spilled food off the floor. She'll cry if I so much as eat one Cheez-It cracker without offering her one. She scarfs down all her meals in record time again, often finishing an entire plate of food in less than 5 minutes while the rest of us have hardly touched our food.
She screams something HORRIBLE at church when we try to check her into the nursery. It's beyond normal toddler screaming. This is off the charts. I actually heard her through the walls, closed door with worship music in full swing as Jay tried to check her in a couple weeks ago. She's that loud, that hysterical.
This girl has broken toys, thrown toys. She hits, she kicks, both people and the dog. She screams at every little thing.
At first I thought it typical 3 year old behavior (not the food issues obviously). But then she woke up one morning COVERED in hives and she hadn't been in the pool at all (we always thought the hives were a chlorine allergy). She's acting out the blanket thing again too.
So, food, hives and blanket issues were the dead giveaway.
She remembers.
She is not happy. She is angry.
She is recalling her past and is acting out.
This regression has been the longest. It's hard to love her through this. The boys get easily annoyed by her and will often say, "Here she goes again," when she throws a fit. They don't really want to play with her either because she has broken many of their toys or will scream at them if she doesn't get her way. My husband gives her his very best when he gets home from work, but once she starts screaming for one reason or another, it gets hard on him too. At the end of the day I'm ready to collapse into my pillow and cry my eyes out, only I can't sleep because I've had no down time to myself, so I'm often up 'til midnight enjoying the QUIET and waiting for sleep to come.
No, she's not lucky.
Adoption is loss FIRST.
And that loss is TRAUMATIC.
I would really appreciate your prayers for an end to this current regression and that my daughter would be able to be free from her traumatic past.
Pray for her healing!
 |
| My Quiet Tiger today. |
