"We're Bonding Here, Aren't We?"

Social workers and adoption experts say that if a child struggles and grieves when they are placed with their new family, that's a good sign that the child had bonded to one person/family prior to placement and that the child will very likely bond to the new family in due time.  For me, yes, L did cry on Gotcha Day but not much at all.  Once we were in the van, she was totally fine.  We had our moments like diaper changing and bathing but once those were over, she was totally fine and back to exploring and playing.  If I had to say anything was grieving, it was bedtime when she'd cry and scream and thrash in my arms before tiring herself out (or tiring mommy out).  Our first few nights were like that.

Other than those things, she really didn't grieve much.  She didn't cry for hours and hours like some families experience with their kids.  She didn't hit or bite or try to get away from me.  And when we were out in public doing some of our sightseeing with our guides, the guides would tell me to let L run and play and L never once would look over her shoulder for me or seek me out.  She was happy to be playing and seemingly didn't give a darn about me or where I was.  I immediately wondered if we really were bonding at all.

My baby boy,  Super E.

After a couple months home, one of the biggest ways I know she has bonded with me is her jealousy over her big brother E.  My 5 year old is a mama's boy.  He and I are very close, due in large part, to his struggles in infancy (which is a story for another time) and our closeness is not welcome by Miss L.  She'll swat at him, push him off my lap, cry and scream if I read a book to E, play a game with him, or spend any one-on-one time with him.  The fact that I have 2 hips to carry my 2 babies doesn't work for L.  I can't have E on one side while she is on the other.  She must have all of me and he must have none.  Oddly enough, she's more okay with my oldest boy being close to me, but not E.

Another way I know that L has bonded with me is that she simply cannot stand when I leave the room without her.  It seems like age regression for her which is very typical in adoptions.   If I so much as go upstairs for 2 minutes to choose an outfit for her to wear for the day, she cries this overly dramatic, crocodile tears cry, buries her face in the couch and is inconsolable.  Jay will often go over to her for comfort, but it only makes matters worse.  The boys and Jay can try to distract her to no avail.  I can peek down from upstairs and show her where I am and that still doesn't stop the incessant carrying on.  I have to admit that these antics drive me crazy the longer they continue!  I can deal with sibling rivalry but not being able to leave the room for 5 minutes to put away laundry, let the dogs out, or even use the restroom gets old quickly.

My title for this post may have been stolen from Father of the Bride II, but as for our daughter, we really are bonding here and it's great to see her adjusting and attaching so well to her new life.

Thought you'd enjoy her mischievous little grin.