Decisions

This afternoon I just received an email from our agency about that lovely 2nd pink notice from USCIS. We do actually need to update our brand new home study. No way around it. I can’t even believe it. Furthermore, with our pending move out west, our agency is asking us to cover all of our bases and re-do some dossier documents like Jay’s employment letter, our financial status form, child abuse and state clearances for CA. Everything in triplicate, notarized, 2 for the dossier, 1 for the social worker, yada yada yada, you know the drill.


At this point, I don’t know what to do. Every time it seems we get close to adoption, God allows something to get in our way. We sent our dossier to Nepal. We lost Nepal. Then we start China and paperwork that should have only taken us 2-3 months is taking almost twice that and we keep getting stopped by USCIS with pink notices.

Is God telling us not to adopt? I don’t know. I just don’t know. The last 2 years have sucked (sorry, it needs to be said, people). While we’re trying to sell our Midwest home and get our family out to the West Coast, should we just quit the adoption all together and focus on setting up house and making ourselves at home in CA and maybe try for a pregnancy? Should we just delay everything until we’re settled and then do these updates out there? Or do we just bite the bullet and press on, get this new task list completed now and get our dossier to China some unknown day, months from now?

I wish someone had the answer. We’re taking a few days to pray about our next step. Would you join us in prayer?

Strong Dislike of the Color Pink

Oh, I could just about throw in the towel today.  (No, I won't give in that easily, I just need to vent.)  But I'm so mad at USCIS I could just scream. 

I've been expecting our final form from USCIS for the last 2 weeks since we've all been fingerprinted.  I got so excited today in my driveway when I saw the government logo in the return address corner of an envelope as I walked into the house.  I almost started jumping up and down for joy and then I saw it.... the dreaded PINK in the address window. 

Inside was my second PINK notice (remember the first PINK notice when they said I hadn't paid for fingerprinting when I in fact did -- they later found the missing check).  This one states they need a home study update that clarifies our mental, physical, emotional, behavioral issues for all adults living in the home.  Are they trying to bring on some mental issues here?  This is so frustrating.  What confuses our agency even more is that USCIS wouldn't have issued our fingerprinting dates if there was an issue with our homestudy.  So, we're hoping this is all a big mistake and my agency is now put to work once again to iron this out.  Better them than me because I'd chew someone out at this point.  When we re-started the adoption process after losing Nepal, my agency said it would be an easy 3-4 months to get paper-ready for China.  My ticker above shows you it's been much longer thanks to these PINK notices!

I'm really starting to dislike PINK!  Thoughts of a sweet, PINK little girls room is starting to fade away.  And to top it off, I'm wearing a PINK sweater today.  I'm going upstairs to change.

One Week Later

I'm amazed by all that happened one week ago today.  I'm even more amazed at how easy this recovery is.  My mom left on day 4 and I've been on my own since.  Today I ventured out for the first time.  I attempted to squeeze into blue jeans so I could look somewhat presentable out in public.  While I could certainly zip up my jeans and be comfortable standing, sitting was another story -- too much pressure on one of the healing incisions.  Back to yoga pants I go and all you local friends will just have to deal with it until the swelling goes away.

I really want to publicly thank the heroes who came to my rescue last Friday.  Sure, I've written them all thanks but these people are true, amazing friends, the kind you can call at 3:00am when all chaos breaks loose. 

First of all, our friends S & H from Jay's old office.  I really thought it best to call on someone who doesn't have kids of their own to juggle while watching my kids for an unknown period of time.  S & H were the ones who received that 3am phone call from Jay and S met me in the ER quickly, picked up my boys, traded cars, drove my boys home and put them to bed before crashing in our guest room for a few more hours until sunrise.  He kept my kids occupied with games in the morning until back-up arrived.  He served us incredibly in our time of need and knowing my boys were safe with someone they knew took so much stress off my mind.  Thanks guys, we love you!

Then at 7am, Jay called our friend B for back-up.  He has grown kids out of the house but he was the perfect one to call even if it meant he had to call off every single meeting he had on his calendar that day.  He rushed over to our house, helped my boys get dressed, took them out to breakfast, back to his house to pick up a few things and to play with Zeke the Golden Retriever, then out to lunch at McDonald's and then to the park to play.  I'm sure my boys kept him busy and entertained at the same time.  He served us for 8+ hours until my mom arrived at 4pm and took over.  Thanks, B.  I owe you Chicken Biryani, Deep Dish Pizza and so much more!

To all of you who kept up with my Facebook status updates and called and texed during the day, thank you!  I really didn't feel alone knowing you were all a phone call or text away.  A laptop or a webphone would have been nice to read your comments, prayers and well wishes as you sent them, but they were wonderful to read when I returned home Friday night.  Your prayers carried me through emotionally and physically! 

My neighbor and hospital ER doc (he had just left the ER when I was driving myself in), visited me after surgery and brought beautiful flowers in a ceramic mug that will surely become one of my favorites for tea.  Not only was it awesome to have a visitor on that crazy day, but it was nice to see his bedside manner and his empathy for me when I was feeling and looking my worst.  Thanks, T.  Thanks a million!

With all the texts and phone calls and chaos I had completely forgotten that my oldest boy had an event to attend on Saturday morning.  Thankfully, this was on the radar of my friend T who texted back and forth trying to figure out a way to get C to the Mayor's Run early on Saturday morning whether I was home or still in the hospital.  She picked up my boy bright and early on Saturday and took him downtown for the run, found him in the crowd at the finish line and brought him home.  Thanks for remembering my boy, T and for shuttling him around so he could still enjoy the event he was looking forward to.  He was probably completely exhausted, but he really enjoyed it and thanks you too.

My friend M brought over some grocery items for lunches on Saturday when I was home.  She knew my mom would have dinners covered as long as she stayed here, but M brought over deli meats, cheeses and rolls for sandwiches.  This really made an impression on my mom and we love the idea.  We'll both be paying it forward to friends in the future with a similar gesture.  Not having to think through lunches really took the pressure off my mom and it served her greatly.  Thanks, M!

I'm thankful for my friend A who stopped by to visit once I was home.  Our families have been travelling a similar, scary road together over the last couple of months and it was nice to talk to each other about our pending moves, housing markets, real estate transactions and stuff other than the mess I was in that weekend. 

My neighbor K brought over warm brownies and a card colored by her 2 cute kids and it's still on my fridge.  Her husband B mowed my lawn for me on Sunday after a busy, insane, crazy week of his own at work, probably his biggest week of the year.  There was a potential house showing for us the next day and we knew we'd need someone to help us mow and B was there.  My other neighbor S might help me mow this weekend because I don't think starting the mower will feel good to my midsection.  We'll see, S.  I might have to take you up on it, but I'll be able to pick up the doggie landmines first!  I seriously cry ugly tears at the thought of leaving such awesome neighbors!

I can't thank my friend J enough for putting together a meal calendar for after my mom left.  Here's the thing: the last few days I have felt great and I texted J last night to tell her to please cancel these meals.  I can't accept them knowing there are other families out there who could use assistance more than I can right now.  I'm happy to announce that I can bend to get pots and pans and get things into the oven.  I have enough energy during the day to cook 1 meal and serve easy stuff like cereal for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch.  Today I ventured out to get a few groceries (I'm still not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds) to make lasagna on Sunday at my boys request.  So thanks to J for texting and emailing and coordinating and I'm sorry to cancel all your hard work.  Thanks to those of you who signed up to help.  Please go serve someone in greater need and bless them instead!  J also sent me some awesome teas to enjoy as I rest and relax at home.  We've talked about getting together one night after all the kids are in bed just so we can enjoy a night of girl talk!  Yes, please!!!

My friend T did bring dinner last night though. Yesterday was the first day I wasn't dog tired but the day before I was still just exhausted and thought a meal on Thursday night would be OK. But it was still hard to accept yesterday, but I did because I knew she'd already grocery shopped and prepared the meal for us. I appreciated the meal because it meant I didn't have to over-do myself on my first day of feeling close to 100%.  T, you'll have to tell me what was in the creamy white sauce in the Meatball Casserole because it was SO GOOD! Cream cheese? Sour cream? Recipe please!

The doctors, nurses, my husband and my mom are the real heroes here though.  My husband talked to me through the midnight pain and talked to the boys, arranged childcare from the west coast, dealt with new insurance to make sure we'd be covered.  The hospital staff took care of me physically, particularly when I was miserably waiting forever to get pain meds post-op back in my room.  Even the administration was awesome with me, understanding that I was alone with 2 kids.  They assured me that's exactly when these emergencies happen!  Probably true and they must see it every single day.

Mother's Day will be extra hard for me this year because of what my mom just did for me last week.  She's amazing!  She took my phone call at 5:30am and drove 8 hours to get here.  She took care of my boys all evening and picked me up at the hospital at 9pm when I was discharged.  She paid for my prescription when my insurance didn't work at Walgreen's.  She put my boys to bed and got me settled in at home.  She shopped, she cleaned, she entertained, she gardened, she served.  She's Supermom!  I wish I could see her in person this Sunday to throw my arms around her, give her the gift I ordered (that just arrived on my doorstep today), and thank her for being the most amazing mom ever.  I hate the idea of moving even further away from her but I pray that retirement could mean she'll spend some winter months out in CA with us.  I love you, mom!  You are amazing! 

Now that I'm sobbing over the gratefulness for my heroes, I'll end here.  My friends taught me the true meaning of friendship and I'll be a better friend because of those who served me.  Go out and be a hero to someone.  Help someone in need with a few groceries, some flowers, a visit and a chat.  It will serve them and will teach them more than you know and hopefully they'll pay it forward.   I will.  Will you?

What We Leave Behind

We all leave a part of us behind when we move from one place to another.  Some of us leave quite interesting things... like a gall bladder!  I've regaled the story at least a dozen times now and people are still asking for the story, so I thought I'd write it here as another part of this crazy journey.  I know others are afraid to call or stop by thinking I need rest and quiet, so for those with so many burning questions, here goes.  This is going to be one long post!

Thursday was just like any other day.  I put my oldest on the bus for school.  I took my youngest to storytime at the library.  I spent the afternoon getting ready for E's birthday party scheduled for that weekend.  I made the cake, carved it and got a preliminary coat of frosting on it.  I had a couple of small gifts purchased but still had the bulk of birthday gifts to buy.  C came home from school, we ate dinner, I did put them to bed early because I couldn't take the whining and brotherly fighting any longer.  They lost movie night due to their bad behavior and it was a tearful bedtime, but I held firm and promised them movie night later in the weekend.  I went downstairs to watch The Office and Steve Carrell's final episode, then I watched The Mentalist.  Came into the kitchen at 10pm to back up my computer because it had been acting strange all evening and I feared a crash, so I backed up what I could before going to bed at 11:30pm. 

The minute I laid down in bed brought on severe stomach pain.  Just horrible, high in my abdomen.  Immediately I thought it to be simple indigestion and I laid there for it to subside for 10-15 minutes before getting up again.  I chewed on 2 Tums in the bathroom only to lose them 5 minutes after swallowing them.  Then the fun in the bathroom began.  I couldn't keep anything down and began getting sick -- 3 times over the course of and hour or so.  Then I start thinking of the birthday cake.  My boys and I licked the beaters, the cake batter with raw eggs; oh no, we'll all have salmonella!  But the boys were sleeping quietly in their bunks.  I laid back down on the bed and the pain intensified and spread around to my back and that's when things got ugly. 

I called Jay who was out of town for work and just asked him to talk to me while this passed.  He gets on WebMD and looks up all my symptoms, asks me lots of questions, gives me possible solutions.  At one point he tells me to try some Advil or Aleve, which I had, but it was all the way down in the kitchen, of course.  I walked downstairs, doubled over, looking out the back window to see if my neighbor (an ER doc) was home and if I saw lights on.  I took the Aleve only to lose that 15 minutes later.  I gave myself until 2:30am and then I said I'm going to the ER.

2:30 came and I put on yoga pants and a fleece, woke up the boys, told them to get socks, shoes and jackets on and get into the car.  They were surprisingly awake and followed directions without question.  C talked to Jay on speakerphone the entire way to the hospital, giving him landmarks as we passed them so Jay knew where we were.  We walked into the ER around 3am and we were the only ones there.  C had mistakenly left the cell phone with Jay still talking in the locked car, so I sent C out with the keys and told him to run and get the phone so dad knew where we were and what was happening.  I was admitted, got sick again, was given an IV with 2mg morphine and some anti nausea meds and I was feeling fine, finally.  I met the ER doc (who I had once met earlier at my neighbor's Thai dinner at their house) and she pushed around my belly and guessed it was my gall bladder and scheduled an ultrasound.

Jay had arranged for friends Scott & Hannah to come get my boys in the ER, trade cars and take my boys home and get them back to bed.  MY HEROES!!!!  My kids were taken care of, I had my ultrasound and started watching the Royal Wedding live on CBS from the ER.  Then I got the diagnosis of gall stones (at least 1 large one) and maybe one that had left the gall bladder and may have been stuck in the bile duct on the way to the small bowel.  So, I was potentially looking at 2 surgical procedures but didn't know which would happen first.  I was sent upstairs to the 6th floor and settled in for the long wait for the surgeon. 

At 5:30am I called my mom in Chicago to tell her the news.  She said I was so calm about it.  Personally, I don't think she would have enjoyed me calling hysterically, scared, frightened, in pain, crying, uncontrollable.  I just told her what happened and that I would be needing same-day surgery.  She packed up her car and started the 8 hour drive to Nebraska.

Jay dealt with all the insurance and childcare issues.  Friend Brad took the day off of work and relieved Scott of his childcare duties and Brad took my boys to breakfast, his house and then lunch and entertained my boys for 8+ hours.  I updated my Facebook status via text message (I don't do the web on my phone), handled text messages and phone calls when nurses weren't coming into my room needing information and checking vitals and listening to my belly.  At 11am they came in and said the surgeons were done with their scheduled morning surgeries and I'd be next at noon.  I only had 30 minutes to call my husband and my mom to tell them before the team came to take me into pre-op.  It was a whirlwind of activity!  I was shaking like a leaf due to cold but I'm also sure I was scared to death.  I've never gone under anesthesia before.

I was under for an hour and a half and in the recovery room for 30 minutes.  I only needed 1 procedure (thank God!), the removal of the gall bladder.  Nothing was blocking the bile duct after all.  Talk about the weirdness of waking up after surgery.  I had a song in my head that I hope I wasn't singing out loud.  I couldn't open my eyes, the lids were just like 2 lead weights and I felt like my body weighed a ton as I sank into the bed.  Very strange.  I barely remember being wheeled back into my room upstairs but I do remember waking up more in my room and that horrible pain had returned.  I waited forever for pain meds and focussed on the cross on the wall and kept talking to Jesus the whole time.  The nurse patted my arm and rubbed my leg, trying to comfort me as I moaned and whimpered and waited for the meds.  The first round of meds took the edge off, but shortly after, they gave me something stronger that worked much better.  Ahhhhh...

Within 6 hours I was up walking, eating dinner and preparing for discharge.  My mom had arrived into town at 4pm and I was released at 9pm, less than 24 hours from start to finish.  Crazy!  We got my prescription filled at Walgreens and then went home and I slept well in my own bed. 

Recovery is going well.  I know a handful of friends who have gone through this within the last year and I've been comparing notes with them.  Some say day 3 is the worst for recovery.  That was yesterday and it wasn't too bad.  I was just dog tired in the morning and was completely zoned out on the couch.  Others have said day 5 is the worst.  That will be tomorrow, so we'll see what happens.  But I haven't needed any pain meds since breakfast yesterday and I woke up feeling great this morning, just sore from my 5 incisions.

I look like I'm about 6-7 months pregnant, so swollen from surgery.  I have 5 incisions from the laproscopic procedure.  The most painful one is right under my breastbone, so I'm thinking that's the one where the gall bladder was pulled from.  Another large one is in my navel.  The remaining 3 are much smaller.  But it looks like I've been in a knife fight.  I'm amazed at modern medicine! 

My mom plans to leave tomorrow morning unless I need her longer.  If all goes well today, I'll say good bye in the morning and will probably shed a few tears.  My mom is amazing!  MY HERO!  She's my best friend and whenever I'm down, lonely, sad or sick, I still want my mom even though I'm 36 years old.  I can't imagine going through this without her.

Jay has been great through all this and I'm sure it agonized him not to be here.  I'm sure the midnight phone call with his wife moaning in pain, a dark drive to the ER, and the unknowns scared him.  But he was calm and there for me every minute.  No, he did not come home to NE to be with me and to some, you might question why.  I don't question it one bit!  It's a quick, outpatient procedure.  He never would have made it to the hospital.  I would have been home and in bed by the time he rolled into town.  Recovery should be quick and easy and hopefully I've been through the worst of it by now.  We'll see.  He had 2 people offer to buy him flights home and as much as he wanted to accept the generous offers, he knew my mom would have it all under control and would be able to serve me in a way he wouldn't be able to.  Sometimes a girl just needs her mom!  I'll see him in a couple weeks, show him my scars and I'm sure we'll hug and cry and thank God it wasn't anything worse.

Calls and visits are welcome.  Yes, after my mom leaves tomorrow I'm sure I'll need a little help.  I hate saying that!  Recovery is still 2-3 weeks and I can't lift anything over 10 pounds during this time.  I can drive once I'm off pain meds and I'm feeling no pain, but I don't plan on going anywhere for days.  But help with the lawn and maybe a few meals would be good because I don't think I can bend to get to my pots and pans or put stuff into the oven quite yet.  :)    I'll keep you posted after my mom leaves.

Thanks for all of my heroes who served me over the last few days.  My next post will be highlighting all those who came to my rescue because I just appreciate you so much!  I have the best friends EVER!