Because I just don't have it in me anymore.
Today we had another meeting with the school and district professionals (I use that term loosely). In short, they don't see any need to provide additional services for Quiet Tiger because she is performing well "academically." And I am giving up trying to get them to understand. I am giving up trying to get them to offer us help within the school walls. I am giving up hope in our school and their understanding of behavioral special needs.
Wait, I thought you had a 504 Plan for that.
Yes we do.
But a 504 Plan does not include any unique, specific help or benchmarks or goals for a student to attain. Our 504 just offers some accommodations the school can offer and it only gets reviewed once a year.
So, what are you asking the school for?
Frankly, friends, all I want is a para educator to sit next to my daughter all day long at school to keep her on task and to make sure her behavior, her interactions with others are respectful. That is only provided with an IEP. And as we know now, according to the district, she doesn't qualify for an IEP.
As with every year, Quiet Tiger's RAD behaviors rear their ugly heads during the school year. In addition to all the crap we deal with at home that isn't school related...
In pre-school she:
- Wet & soiled her pants at home
- Damaged school books at home
- Destroyed carpet at home
- Put holes in drywall in her bedroom at home
In kindergarten she:
- Wet & soiled her pants at home
- Broke her glasses (which were to stay at school) on the bus ride home
- Went into 3 other kids' cubbies and stole items from their backpacks at school
- Lied about not having breakfast at home so she could eat a hot breakfast from the school cafeteria (which we do not pay for)
- Stole food at school
- Checked out a library book and "lost it" somewhere (never came home, never found at bus company)
- Claimed illness so she could go to the nurse's office instead of doing school work
In first grade she:
- Wet & soiled her pants in public and at home and at grandma's cabin
- Wet her pants in the classroom
- Stole food at school
- Stole items from classmates at school
- Bullied/controlled younger student on playground
- Went to another area of the school to threaten an older student and demanded her to give her a toy from her backpack
RAD. RAD. More RAD.
Only the school, the district doesn't see it. They look at me and treat me like I'm crazy. I've never claimed to be sane (right, Connie-chan?) and the Lord knows raising a RAD child has destroyed me. All of me. But if we don't get help now, these behaviors will only get worse and our daughter's future looks very, very scary.
And I don't want that for her. Her story can't end like that.
Our advocate didn't like the IEP and advised us not to sign it, which we didn't. If we wanted to fight, we could ask for an outside evaluation from someone who understands RAD, at the expense of the district. But I'm tired. I'm done. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. I've no fight left in me.
For now, I'll just keep documenting all the happenings that I know about, but that's just the tip of the iceberg for sure. Our advocate thinks that as we continue to document, the school will eventually begin seeing the pattern of RAD behavior and realize that she's not going to "outgrow" it. But for how many years must I document for them to open their eyes to see?
Oh, it's beyond exhausting.
I'm so saddened by the public school system. I never used to be. My husband and I are products of public school. I'm very proud of my education. My oldest went to public school K-3 and we only switched to homeschool because of Jay's job change, a pending move during the school year, and all the rigmarole with a school 16 miles away from our temporary living situation. I had very little against the public school system. Until now.
People my age like to blame parenting on today's millennials and all their "issues," but I can attest with my own experience these last 2 years that the schools are equally to blame, if not moreso. Our school speaks of Respect for Community. Respect for Others. Respect for Property. And Respect for Self. Sadly, they do not practice what they preach. There are no consequences for behaviors, no respect for authority, and no help for families in need of help for kids with behavioral diagnoses.
It's sad.
In the meantime, we'll bite the bullet and fork over a big check to get her the Neurofeedback Therapy that can work quite well for RAD kids. Maybe that will help her behaviors at school and at home. Maybe then we can she heal and we can meet the real Quiet Tiger.
Dear Lord, may it be so.
