IEP Fail

I'm officially throwing in the towel.  I'm waving that white flag.  I'm throwing the fight.

Because I just don't have it in me anymore.

Today we had another meeting with the school and district professionals (I use that term loosely).  In short, they don't see any need to provide additional services for Quiet Tiger because she is performing well "academically."  And I am giving up trying to get them to understand.  I am giving up trying to get them to offer us help within the school walls.  I am giving up hope in our school and their understanding of behavioral special needs.

Wait, I thought you had a 504 Plan for that.  

Yes we do.  

But a 504 Plan does not include any unique, specific help or benchmarks or goals for a student to attain.  Our 504 just offers some accommodations the school can offer and it only gets reviewed once a year. 

So, what are you asking the school for?

Frankly, friends, all I want is a para educator to sit next to my daughter all day long at school to keep her on task and to make sure her behavior, her interactions with others are respectful.  That is only provided with an IEP.  And as we know now, according to the district, she doesn't qualify for an IEP.

As with every year, Quiet Tiger's RAD behaviors rear their ugly heads during the school year.  In addition to all the crap we deal with at home that isn't school related...

In pre-school she:

• Wet & soiled her pants at home
• Damaged school books at home
• Destroyed carpet at home
• Put holes in drywall in her bedroom at home

In kindergarten she:

• Wet & soiled her pants at home
• Broke her glasses (which were to stay at school) on the bus ride home
• Went into 3 other kids' cubbies and stole items from their backpacks at school
• Lied about not having breakfast at home so she could eat a hot breakfast from the school cafeteria (which we do not pay for)
• Stole food at school
• Checked out a library book and "lost it" somewhere (never came home, never found at bus company)
• Claimed illness so she could go to the nurse's office instead of doing school work

In first grade she:

• Wet & soiled her pants in public and at home and at grandma's cabin
• Wet her pants in the classroom
• Stole food at school
• Stole items from classmates at school
• Bullied/controlled younger student on playground
• Went to another area of the school to threaten an older student and demanded her to give her a toy from her backpack

RAD.  RAD.  More RAD.

Only the school, the district doesn't see it.  They look at me and treat me like I'm crazy.  I've never claimed to be sane (right, Connie-chan?) and the Lord knows raising a RAD child has destroyed me.  All of me.  But if we don't get help now, these behaviors will only get worse and our daughter's future looks very, very scary. 

And I don't want that for her.  Her story can't end like that.

Our advocate didn't like the IEP and advised us not to sign it, which we didn't.  If we wanted to fight, we could ask for an outside evaluation from someone who understands RAD, at the expense of the district.  But I'm tired.  I'm done.  I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning.  I've no fight left in me.

For now, I'll just keep documenting all the happenings that I know about, but that's just the tip of the iceberg for sure.  Our advocate thinks that as we continue to document, the school will eventually begin seeing the pattern of RAD behavior and realize that she's not going to "outgrow" it.  But for how many years must I document for them to open their eyes to see?

Oh, it's beyond exhausting.

I'm so saddened by the public school system.  I never used to be.  My husband and I are products of public school.  I'm very proud of my education.  My oldest went to public school K-3 and we only switched to homeschool because of Jay's job change, a pending move during the school year, and all the rigmarole with a school 16 miles away from our temporary living situation.  I had very little against the public school system.  Until now.

People my age like to blame parenting on today's millennials and all their "issues," but I can attest with my own experience these last 2 years that the schools are equally to blame, if not moreso.  Our school speaks of Respect for Community. Respect for Others. Respect for Property.  And Respect for Self.  Sadly, they do not practice what they preach.  There are no consequences for behaviors, no respect for authority, and no help for families in need of help for kids with behavioral diagnoses.

It's sad.

In the meantime, we'll bite the bullet and fork over a big check to get her the Neurofeedback Therapy that can work quite well for RAD kids.  Maybe that will help her behaviors at school and at home.  Maybe then we can she heal and we can meet the real Quiet Tiger.

Dear Lord, may it be so.

HUGE Blessings in the Midst

Very early this spring, way back before we went to RAD camp, back before Reese injured her back, we got a knock on the door.  Salesmen.  We all hate them, but when your husband has had to door-knock as part of building his business, you learn to appreciate the hard work!  [Be nice to door-knockers, please!]

Anyway, we got door-knocked by a building contractor.  He asked us if we ever had an insurance claim on our home.  Um, no.  Not after only living here for 2 short years.  He said he could see evidence of storm damage to our windows from the street.  Storm chaser?  Maybe.  But he asked if we'd be interested in getting our insurance adjuster out here to survey any damage, at no cost to us.  Well, at no cost?  Sure.  Why the heck not?  After all, we bought a 20 year old house with 20 year old windows, 20 year old siding and a roof that we had no record of (neighbors say this house has had multiple roofs over the years but the sellers didn't provide us with any dates).  Not great.  Actually, I knew 2 windows to be completely broken and unusable (thanks, lousy home inspector).  

So, we scheduled the free, no-obligation visit.

Oh, but then Reese injured her back. Our poor pup was completely paralyzed in the hind legs after a freak slip and fall injury.  We had been to the vet, had a surgeon look over her x-rays, we decided $6500 was too steep a price for surgery and opted for far less invasive procedures to help our ailing pup.  I found a doggie chiropractor.  Yep.  You read that right, a doggie chiropractor.  I took our pup for a first visit the very day we had scheduled the insurance adjuster.  

Our builder said he'd be there at our home to meet the adjuster and since everything to be seen was on the exterior of the home, I needn't be home.  Well, I arrived home from said doggie chiropractor at the same time the adjuster and the contractor were up on my roof inspecting things.

I lugged my 37 pound, paralyzed, diapered mutt out of the car and laid her on the grass on my front yard.  The builder and the adjuster immediately asked what happened to my pup and they heard my story.  The adjuster had a dog of her own with back issues, came off the roof to talk to me and wanted info on the doggie chiropractor, so I shared that info.  She was a sweetheart.  And my builder, well, I knew from the moment I met him that he was a good, honest, Minnesota-nice man.  He offered his genuine condolences to me and my pained pooch.

Well, about a week later, I learned that not only did the insurance adjuster grant us a new roof, but new window sashes as well!  If my pained pooch earned us any points by laying helpless, paralyzed and in agony on my front lawn, well, I'm not sure.  Of course, I'd rather have her healthy and free of pain, so I'm not saying I'm glad she hurt herself at all!!!!

But the story doesn't stop there.  Our new roof went on the very first weekday we were back from RAD camp with Quiet Tiger.  I was holding a screaming, thrashing, hitting, yelling, spitting, kicking, swearing, animal of a child all the while my old roof was being torn off and a beautiful new black roof was installed.  Talk about noise levels!  I'm sure my roofers thought I was beating the child, while in reality, I was the one taking the physical beating.  In 1 day the roof was done and I couldn't have been happier.  Or could I?

The builder called back the next day to see how everything went.  He stopped by to look things over and to collect some small hand tools that were left in the dark of night after the roof was done.  Then he told me something else.  Our 20 year old windows had been discontinued.  To find new sashes for all my windows was proving to be near impossible.  He was in contact with my insurance company to get them to increase their payment to get me ALL.... NEW.... WINDOWS!

Weeks later, the builder sent 2 of his associates to measure inside my house for brand spanking new windows.  What a blessing!  We then had to wait all summer long, all autumn long, and through the holidays while my windows were made and painted to my specifications (despite all the honey oak, I want all my windows white and I'll have 1 less thing to paint).

The windows went in today.  They color matched to the white color to that which I'll be painting all the trim at some point in the future.  We only have to pay our deductible and the insurance company covered the rest.  And because the damage was all storm related, an act of God, we've been promised that our insurance rates will not go up.

I was slightly bummed that I didn't get new siding out of the deal because we have so many cracks and damaged pieces, but they couldn't link that to storm damage per se.  But all new windows are very hard to come by from insurance adjusters, so I'm so thankful that we received what we did!

So, if I could go back and prevent Reese's back injury (it has lead to permanent nerve damage), I certainly would.  But I do think that in the midst of a horrible life storm of horribly injured dog and hideous therapy for my RAD daughter, God provided unexpected blessings.  I'm thankful for my new roof and new windows!  Now, to just figure out how to get the siding replaced without having to pay for it!  Wishful thinking, I know!