When Jay and I were getting married 14 years ago, my parents were divorcing. It was totally not the right time to bring a man home to mom and dad, and I didn't want to be dating at all at that time, but God had other plans. As we approached our wedding date, our marriage counselors and our pastor all agreed (based on family stories and personality testing, etc.) that Jay and I establish some boundaries with my dad.
We did not cut my dad from our lives, but we just agreed that any time we were with my dad, Jay and I would be together, never alone, and always somewhere out in public. We did this for our emotional health only and we never feared contact with my dad for physical reasons. Never! My dad met my oldest son when he was born in Illinois and he got to watch him grow up for those first 2 1/2 years of his life.
Then we moved away to Nebraska for 5 1/2 years. Our second son was born there. My dad never came out to visit us. He sent gifts for birthdays and Christmas and we spoke by phone. When we'd head home to Chicagoland on our annual trip home every August, we'd attempt to see my dad, but it never worked. He never met my second son.
Then we moved to California for that 1 dreaded, hellish year. No one came to visit us there.
And then it was Texas for 3 years. When we first moved there, I learned that my dad had a heart attack that was more serious than anyone led to believe. My oldest brother had strong boundaries with our dad also, so he wasn't calling regularly for updates. My second brother always kept a decent relationship with our dad, but that brother was overseas for work at the time of the heart attack. I was the only one getting regular updates, and keeping the rest of the family apprised of news. My husband was new in his commissioned line of work, so the thought of flying home to be with my dad, frightened me as I didn't know where the money for flights would come from. The dread of heading home for a possible funeral was awful. I hadn't seen my dad in years and the thought of him leaving this earth without seeing him at least one final time ate at me.
Forgiveness is one thing. Long ago, I had been able to forgive the hurts of the past and I had moved on. The boundaries were necessary and neither Jay nor I regret setting those boundaries. They were a healthy thing for a newly married couple. More presently, it was the simple factor of miles that was keeping us apart.
We invited my dad and his wife to come down to Texas when he was recovered and able to travel. They never took us up on our offer. Texas was just too far away and flights too expensive and the drive too long for most people to come see us.
Now that we're back in the Midwest, my dad called and said he'd be up our way to visit his twin brother who isn't doing very well, health-wise. I was so excited to see my dad again. He's my dad. And with forgiveness, I was able to find and feel the love for him again.
He got in at nearly 1 in the morning and only stayed with us for that 1 night before heading up to the Duluth area in the morning, but it was such a good visit.
He got reacquainted with my oldest son. He got to meet my second born son. He got to meet my adopted daughter. I got to feel a hug from my dad again.
I wished we had more time together. I wanted to go with him to see his side of the family, people I hadn't seen since my wedding almost 14 years ago. But we had our own family plans that weekend that were quite huge and couldn't be missed or rescheduled. We both headed out the driveway and went our own directions.
I'll see my dad again. He'll come see us. We'll go to Chicago to see him. My kids will know their Grandpa for as long as God keeps him here on this earth. And I hope it's a good, long while.
Thanks for stopping by, dad!
