Happy Father's Day!
It's a weird day today. My husband is out of town. He boarded a 6am flight this morning to California to visit our friend's church and help them set up a retirement program for their staff. So, he's not here to celebrate Father's Day. The kids made him cards and gave him gifts last week and last night stuck a treat into his suitcase that he'll be sure to find. We'll celebrate more when he gets back in a couple days.
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| I was playing with my new phone and got a good picture of Jay and L while out to BBQ one night. |
This can be a harder day for me because my relationship with my dad isn't exactly where I ever expected it to be. I'm 38 years old. I haven't seen my dad in person in probably something close to 7 years because we haven't lived in close proximity to each other. My dad has never met my 6 year old son and obviously never met my new daughter. [Note to self: Your daughter has been home for a year. Stop calling her "new."] My parents divorced as I was getting married almost 12 years ago. Both of my folks have since remarried. I'd like to be closer to my dad, but being miles apart only yields phone calls, cards and letters and printed photos of the kids sent in the mail as he is not up to date with technology. And even though he won't see this and I've already sent him Father's Day wishes by mail, I will still say,
Happy Father's Day, Dad!
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| My dad and his wife Sharon years ago at our house in Chicago. |
But today I want to share with you the story of my stepdad Rand. Like I said, my parents divorced when I was an adult, and my stepdad didn't raise me, so maybe it's funny to call him my stepdad. But it's shorter than calling him, "my mom's second husband," and frankly, I respect my stepdad very much and think he's worthy of the title.
Oddly enough, I knew my stepdad long before he entered our family, long before he ever met my mom. He was one of my volunteers when I was working in youth ministry back in Chicago. He was going through a divorce, as were my parents. At the end of the ministry season I hosted a volunteer picnic for my team at my parent's home. We had food and a big, homemade slip 'n' slide down the hill into the lake we lived on. If I recall correctly, both my parents were there at that picnic along with all of my volunteers.
At that time, of course, there were no feelings between my mom and this volunteer friend of mine. My mom was divorcing, and Rand was divorcing too. Neither one of them was even considering another relationship. It would have been preposterous at the time!
As the years went by, we'd run into Rand on Wednesdays during our midweek church service and he'd often sit with us if friends of his didn't show up. Rand even came to my wedding ceremony and celebrated with us as he had met my husband when we were all serving in the youth ministry together years before.
Many more months passed. Years passed. My mom and Rand became good friends and enjoyed each other's company. Rand was at many of our family functions, which at one point became very odd for me. And I struggled. I never, ever in a million years would have held onto the hope that my mom and dad would ever get back together. So, that wasn't the issue. I certainly didn't want my mom to be alone for the rest of her life. That wasn't it. I loved Rand and thought very highly of him. So, I didn't have issues with him personally. I could never pinpoint what it was that bugged me, but something did. In fact, I know there were times that I treated him coldly at some family functions. I'm sure it hurt him and my mom too. He didn't deserve my disrespect at all, and for all those times, I am deeply sorry. To this day, I wish I could pinpoint what it was that bugged me so much, but I can't. Thankfully I could move past it!
Eventually, my mom and Rand decided that they were spending so much time together that they either had to break up their friendship or get married. They chose to break up and that made them both miserable. Completely miserable! I don't know how long their time apart was, but I won't forget the call I received when Jay and I were up in Wisconsin visiting Jay's mom at her summer home.
We had driven into town to do some shopping and to stop by West's Dairy (best ice cream ever, by the way if you're ever in Hayward, WI). I had a message on my phone from my mom and I called her back. She said she had news and I knew without a moment's hesitation what she was going to say, although I did really want to burst and jokingly squeal, "I'm finally getting a baby sister?????" Instead I bit my tongue as she told me she and Rand were getting married. I wasn't surprised. I was happy for both of them!
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| My mom and Rand, my stepdad. I love this photo I took of them on one of our trips home years ago. I love Lake Michigan! |
They got married in a private ceremony at our church in Chicago, just the two of them. I had my catering friends surprise them with chocolate covered strawberries and a card from me on the table in the Bride's Room.
That is their story in my own words, but it doesn't end there. (So get up and refill your coffee if you need a break).
Rand has supported me and my family in countless ways. I know he and my mom pray for all of us kids and all the grandkids daily! He helped us move out of our house in Illinois when we moved to Nebraska. And 6 years later he helped us pack up that Nebraska house when it was time to put all our stuff into storage while we figured out where life would take us next, because we knew it wouldn't be California like we had expected. While home on that packing trip, Rand gave me a donation check for our adoption. Even though married, my mom and stepdad have really kept their finances separate, just as a way of keeping things simple and easy for them. So his donation was none of my mom's doing. It was Rand's heart being broken for the orphan. And once again, it was God supplying exactly what we needed, when we needed it.
When L finally came home and Rand saw my daughter face to face on the webcam, he was smitten. He'd think about her and her adjustment to her new life often. He'd always wonder what new things L was doing, learning, saying, etc. He'd smile when he'd see a picture of my Chinese daughter in the midst of all the other caucasian grandkid pictures on their fridge.
Then they came to visit us for Easter. I was concerned how my daughter would react to a man staying in our house because she had been fearful of men at first. I asked my friends to pray for our week together. Thankfully, L loved her Grandpa Rand! I think it only took a mere few minutes and she was curled up next to him on the couch, bringing him toys, wanting to color. I think if L had asked Rand to go strawberry picking, he would have gone with her in an instant, right Rand? (Strawberry picking is NOT one of my stepdad's favorite activities. Just ask him.)
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| Just hours after they arrived and L is already snuggling in with Rand. |
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| Can you hear L screaming, "More! More! More?" And don't you love her pointed toes? |
I don't think Rand ever would have imagined he'd have a Chinese granddaughter. I don't think he ever expected to be completely smitten with a child who doesn't share the same DNA.
Thanks for loving my kids
and caring for us the way you do!
and caring for us the way you do!
I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day, Rand!
We love you!!!!!
