We've noticed a lot of behavior in L that is typical of children raised in an institutional setting. We've seen finger (or little hand) sucking, rocking, head banging, and hands in her diaper. These are all fading quickly. She rarely puts her hands in her mouth now because her teeth have come in so crooked, I wanted to stop the hand sucking the minute we were home before she causes any more damage! She'll still rock once in a blue moon, particularly when she's in trouble for doing something naughty. The only time I see her head bang is in her crib trying to soothe herself to sleep if she wakes in the middle of the night or in the car seat when she's strapped in and we're on the road. I can usually put a stop to that with a simple, "L, stop!"
What hasn't stopped is her behavior towards food.
We've been home for over a month now and this girl can still pound more than her brothers (ages 8 and 5). She'll often eat the leftovers on their plates. The obsession goes so far into the kitchen when I'm preparing meals. She'll walk into the kitchen and hover around me, often under foot while I'm at the hot stove, getting into the fridge when I open it for ingredients, refusing to get out of the fridge when I need to close it. We call her "the vulture." You wouldn't believe how this girl can absolutely wail and scream while I'm cooking a meal. She has learned where the food comes from and she wants it immediately even if it isn't properly cooked yet. I can offer her a snack while I cook and it does not console her whatsoever. At lunchtime, I'll often feed the kids first and then I'll eat later. I'll know that the kids have had enough to eat, but when I sit down to eat my meal, little miss L is right there, hovering around me, crying and wailing over the fact that I'm not sharing my food with her after she's already eaten plenty in her high chair. And don't get me started about feeding the dogs. She's right there, sitting on the floor watching the dogs eat, inches from their bowls, once with 2 kibbles of Pedigree Dog Food in her mouth herself. Food obsessed!
I've read a lot about it and I hope to read more.
First of all, it is a coping mechanism, filling herself with food, trying to replace something that's missing. It really does break my heart that she's missing the life she had in China. It wasn't a horrible life by any means, but it wasn't ideal for her development. She's never known a personal kind of love from a mother and father. She has that love now!
Secondly, eating is a bonding experience. Ever since you and I were infants, we associated eating with physical touch and bonding with our loved one, whoever was feeding us. In an orphanage setting, L was most likely laid down in a crib with a bottle propped up by pillows and towels and never had the physical touch of a caregiver. Side note: the bottle propping in the crib explains why her teeth are decayed so. Now that she has Jay and I feeding her, she's enjoying the bonding time and the one-on-one interaction with us. She can't get enough of it.
Thirdly, she's enjoying variety and a more balanced diet. In an orphanage, she was eating the same meals every day. She ate lots of eggs, rice porridge and biscuits; very little meat, very few vegetables, few fresh fruits. I was told that in China, they feed their babies lots of sweets "so that they learn to like to eat food." Again, explains the lack of cleanliness of her teeth. Here she gets a healthy breakfast, lunch complete with protein, dinners with more protein and vegetables and snacks in between. Every meal is different. She's enjoying her variety and trying new things. There is little she doesn't like and she is now enjoying cold foods too.
Fourth, it is likely that she has never known a feeling of fullness in her short little life. I'm not saying she was starved or malnourished at all. I do think they took good care of her in China. But I do think that if a child was still hungry after a meal, the caregivers wouldn't give them more. Serving sizes were limited. Also, meals were scheduled at a set time, so the kids were fed regardless of whether they were hungry or not. Because of these factors, L most likely doesn't understand the physical feeling of being full. Her protruding belly would say otherwise, but her brain doesn't tell her to stop eating yet.
I know it will get better in time. I do watch what she eats and our pediatrician is watching her progress on the growth charts (Asian and American). In the meantime, I have found that setting a boundary for her while I'm cooking is in order so that she doesn't obsess. I don't allow her into the kitchen while I'm preparing a meal. It's easy to do in my mother-in-law's house where we are living because the kitchen is tiny with only one way in and out. In my old house with an open floor plan, I don't think I'd be able to limit her access without her being completely out of my sight, and that's not about to happen. But for us here, now, it works. She'll still look in on me when I'm cooking and when I take a pan out of the oven all steaming hot and bubbling, she'll let out one huge, "YAY!!!" like she wasn't sure she'd ever be fed here again. Trust your mama, sweet girl. Mama loves to cook and will always take care of you!
I know she'll come around in her own time as she continues to adjust to her new life. Nonetheless, I'd appreciate your prayers for L's food issues.
We also continue to battle mysterious hives with her too. I thought it was strawberries as they erupted right after the 4th of July when L had her first taste of strawberry shortcake. It still may be the berries, but she'll go a day or two with no new hives at all and then suddenly 2 or more will pop up. She responds well to Benedryl as long as I give her just one dose in the evening hours. Benedryl in the morning makes for a very crabby toddler all day long. I suffered from hives in 1st grade mostly as a result of stress because my teacher Mrs. Hawthrone scared the bejeebeez (that's a word, right?) out of me. I've had a few others in times of stress in high school, college and in China. So maybe L's hives are a result of stress too. Right now, with the insurance we've had to provide for ourselves after the job loss, it will be costly to get her tested and get to the bottom of the hives. Once we are gainfully employed (see prayer request page) with new insurance, we'll see what the doctor says about getting her tested. Prayers for an end to the hives would be appreciated.
Facts on eating issues above were found on Rainbowkids.com and Adoption.com.
