One of my pathways to God is worship. There isn’t much more that grabs me and draws me close to Him than song. I’m the person you see driving down the road belting out a worship song in my car with no passenger next to me, or at least with my kids in the back behind the tinted glass. Put that music together with God’s beautiful creation and I’ll be a mess of tears, doing the ugly cry, but all for good reasons.
During our recovery from the Nepal shutdown, worship meant nothing. I couldn’t sing in church or even tap my foot or sway to the music. I just stood there motionless for about 3 consecutive Sundays. Nice for a pastor’s wife, huh? But I didn’t even want to attempt to fake it because it would be just that – fake. It wouldn’t be worship. God doesn't want me to be fake. He allowed me time to hurt while He held me closely. I was honest with God about it and now the joy has slowly returned, despite the unknown road ahead.
I’ve kept a running playlist of songs that kind of hold me together and spur me on towards the direction God is leading us on this adoption road -- kind of an Adoption Road Trip playlist. My dear friend H told me about the Spirit of Adoption CD. I’d love to purchase that but haven’t yet. Furthermore, I’ve found so many other songs that are so applicable to adoption. So, here are the songs that I have in my current playlist. Most of these videos are very well done and I hope you’ll enjoy them. If any of you have any songs that affirm you during your adoption process, let me know and I’ll enjoy listening!
Changed (Aaron Niequist)
I’m thankful that Jay and I can call Aaron our friend from our old church. This song of his I have made my theme song for our adoption. Thank you, Aaron!
Give me Your Eyes (Brandon Heath)
We’ve heard this song countless times at church and I love it.
Follow You (Leeland)
I first heard this song at an event for Tiny Hands International, a ministry we volunteered with here in Nebraska that serves the people of Nepal, India and Bangledesh. This is another one that I’ll sing boldly!
If You Say Go (Rita Springer)
I love what this song says about being called to the fire and finding God through the flames. Thus was our Nepal adoption journey – fire and flames.
You Never Let Go (Matt Redman)
A great song about getting through the rough times. My friend T posted this on Facebook a week or so ago and it hit me right where I was. Thanks, T!
While I’m Waiting (John Waller)
While we waited on Nepal before the shut down, I’m sure my neighbors heard me singing this song – LOUDLY! I love to sing this song and I strive to live out the lyrics. I’m excited to be waiting on China next year!
Swept Away (Geoff Moore)
The video I found for this is a family’s post on YouTube of their China adoption. These videos always make me sob. Someone please teach me how to make stuff like this and I’ll be posting my own someday! Thanks to this family for sharing. It helps us all move along this journey with faith.
When Love Takes You In (Stephen Curtis Chapman)
The Chapmans have been long time adoption advocates and have books and songs all about it!
We Have Room
Go to this public link on Facebook and scroll down just a touch to the music player on the left side of the screen. Great song!
God Blessed the Broken Road (Rascal Flats)
Even country songs have their place. I love the stories that country music tells. Adoptions are typically broken roads. Ours is no exception!
Why Wouldn’t I (Peder Eide)
My friend H posted this on her blog last year and I fell in love. I bought the CD for family members as Christmas gifts. This link includes the songwriter's story of adoption, so it's lengthy, but totally worth it!
In My Daughter’s Eyes (Martina McBride)
I don’t listen to this much these days, but I can hardly wait for the day when I will look into my daughter’s eyes. Until then, this song makes me cry sad tears because I just ache for her.
Love Can Change the World (Aaron Niequist)
And what started with our friend Aaron will end with him as well. Just reminds us of the hope we have of making a difference in this world. Adoption might not be for you, but what is? What can God do through you to change this world? I love this live video of worship back in my home church. It will always be home to me!
"During our recovery from the Nepal shutdown, worship meant nothing. I couldn’t sing in church or even tap my foot or sway to the music. I just stood there motionless for about 3 consecutive Sundays. Nice for a pastor’s wife, huh? But I didn’t even want to attempt to fake it because it would be just that – fake. It wouldn’t be worship. God doesn't want me to be fake. He allowed me time to hurt while He held me closely. I was honest with God about it and now the joy has slowly returned, despite the unknown road ahead."
ReplyDeleteI could have written that.(except the pastor wife thing) My joy is slowly returning too. It took about the same time as it did for you. I too didn't want to be fake.
We don't know what direction we are goihg yet, because now we are facing a new kind of grief. My husbands mother is dying. After facing such recent grief, it scares me to go into it again. I know the overwhelming sorrow that is there. I am thankful that my faith is slowly returning and I can find comfort in God's word again.
It is hard to read that you are getting $3000 back. We are getting nothing back from ours and they haven't even called for 5 weeks. I have been in touch with an agency that my friends are going through and things went very fast for them. If we wanted to adopt a boy it would go very fast for us also, but girls are longer and they at first said that they couldn't take us on at this time. Now they have changed their minds and said(even though we have paid them no money) they will put us on their books. Praise God!! They are watching for us. So we will see what God has in store after another season of grieving.
It was very encouraging to read your post and see that I was not alone in my feelings. God is guiding us both on different journeys, but different trust issues. I can not compare or I will be in misery. Our journey is what our lives need. God is good and I can trust him. (take this off your blog after you read it. Thanks) God Bless you. I will continue following your journey.