More News from Last Week!

I’m home with a sick one today, so while he relaxes with Veggie Tales, I thought I’d continue on about my astounding phone conversation with our agency Director last week.

Continuing from my previous post, the phone conversation I had with our agency director last week went on to talk about all that we’d need to do to update our home study. That, in fact, should be just an update and not a full re-write because our agency had us write our home study as if Nepal were a Hague Country (like China). Now, we may have to spend some money and re-order documents like marriage and birth certificates, state background checks, etc., but those fees would be nominal and we have enough to cover those. Our agency Director will be in contact with our Nebraska social worker to ensure that we don’t have to pay for a full re-write of the home study!

Our agency estimated that the paperwork would only take us about 3-4 months to complete and we’ll be paper-ready for China! That’s still surprisingly long in my opinion, but what will take the longest is the immigration change from Nepal to China. We can never count on our own government to make haste! Plus, China requires 4 visits with our social worker, not 2 like Nepal did. So, that’s time for our social worker who works out of Omaha and she'll have to make 4 trips out here to meet with us. I’ve been in contact with her via email and she is working through the details with our agency first, before scheduling our 4 appointments.

There is something of concern to our Director and that is our openness to special needs. We filled out a “Match Form” for our agency months ago, back when Nepal was still in the works. This Match Form was a series of check boxes of all the special medical needs our family is open to accepting. Our agency looked at our form and said they’d never seen a family so open to such a high number of special needs. And believe me, we're not open to everything!  She told me that this almost worried her because she wondered if we really knew what we were doing. In fact, she said the problem wouldn’t be how long we’d be waiting for a referral, but how quickly we’d get one! She felt we might not be ready for travel and for an addition to the family so quickly! Indeed we do know what we are doing, however with Jay’s pending back surgery (still not scheduled yet because the steroid shot is still working), perhaps we will take a glance at our Match Form and make a few edits, just simply to keep the medical bills manageable for Jay’s back and our daughter who might require medical attention upon coming home to our family.

In the meantime, some of you family and friends might have questions or even concerns for us about adopting special needs. This week I came across a great video from a wonderful organization that explains it better than I ever could. Click here to watch a 10-minute clip from Love Without Boundaries and learn about special needs adoptions!

Email, Phone Calls & Dinner Discussions

Apparently, God is up to something huge in this adoption world of ours. I know of so many people who are receiving good news just in these last couple of weeks. Friends of Jay’s have recently received referrals for 2 Ethiopian babies and are praying for court dates! Blog friends of mine just got a referral for twin Ethiopian infants! Our friends from church are in Uganda right now and officially have legal guardianship of their daughter and are just now working on the US visa process to get her home!

And we have news too!!!!!

When the US Department of State suspended all Nepal adoptions on August 6, our agency told us to hang tight and just see what would happen. Until yesterday, we hadn’t made any decisions about our Nepal dossier. It’s technically still in Kathmandu. Some agencies have just ended their programs and have pulled their clients out of the program. Ours did not.

We received an email yesterday morning with an update on the Nepal program. There is very little hope that our Nepal adoption would ever come to completion. So, the Director at La Vida told us to consider their China and Colombia programs. I sent a quick reply saying that we have every intention of switching over to their China Special Needs program but that we can’t start now because we don’t have the funds in our savings account to start all over again from scratch. I gave them an estimated time frame of November or December to start up again. This short email I sent led to a 1 hour phone conversation with the Director yesterday afternoon.

“You don’t know!” she repeated over and over to me.
“I don’t know what?” was my reply.

She explained how she read my email about not having the funds to start up with a new adoption program, but told us that we have a CREDIT in our account at La Vida! We have a credit of $3000 in our account! My eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw dropped to the ground like a cartoon character! This amount would have been wired to Nepal upon being matched with our daughter, but because that never happened, it’s just been sitting at our agency on our behalf.

Then I was given our options:
1. Stop our adoption process all together and get refunded the $3000.
2. Keep our paperwork in Nepal and hold the $3000 until we get a referral. This is very wishful thinking and she gave me no hope that Nepal would open up again, but in the same breath told me that miracles do happen.
3. Move to the China Special Needs program and use the $3000 to start.

It doesn’t end there. It turns out that the start-up fees for China Special Needs are… $3000, not $4000 like I had assumed from that of our Nepal program! And here’s what really gets me… What’s even more amazing is that the donations we received from our support letter to family and friends, the donations that we thought were lost forever to Nepal, totaled… you got it, $3000. If you have donated to our cause, I am relieved, shocked and thrilled beyond imagination that your cash donations were not lost after all! You can hear my sigh of relief, can't you?

There is so much more to write, but it would go on for miles. So, I’ll break here and fill you in on the rest in another week or so as we make decisions. What I’ll leave you with is this…

While losing Nepal, thousands of our own hard earned, frugally saved dollars, the dreams of a sweet Nepali daughter was devastating, I’m glad it happened the way it did. Did I just say that? Oh yes I did! Moreover, I’m overjoyed that our agency hesitated to mention the positive balance in our account! Had we known that on August 6th when we lost Nepal, we would have just picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, washed our hands and moved into a new program. Instead, the not knowing allowed us to grieve the loss, to question our motives, to ask God again for His purpose in our lives. Had we known we could jump right into China, we wouldn’t have struggled spiritually, studied from His Word, asked friends for prayer, yearned for God. These 7 weeks have drawn us closer to Him, made us dependent on Him and Him alone. He is the one responsible for the gift we received yesterday, a gift I almost don’t feel worthy of.

I am thankful for these last 7 weeks. Please join me in thanking Him!

Adoption Music

I wrote this post long ago and have kept adding to it so I've refrained from posting it until now. Last night I met with some girl friends at Scooter's to discuss the Beth Moore study we recently started. This second week talked about worship. The whole time I was thinking, "I need to publish this post." When we left the coffeehouse, one of the songs I have listed below was playing on the sound system. It was a little confirmation that maybe one of these songs below will encourage you along whatever road you are travelling right now.

One of my pathways to God is worship. There isn’t much more that grabs me and draws me close to Him than song. I’m the person you see driving down the road belting out a worship song in my car with no passenger next to me, or at least with my kids in the back behind the tinted glass. Put that music together with God’s beautiful creation and I’ll be a mess of tears, doing the ugly cry, but all for good reasons.

During our recovery from the Nepal shutdown, worship meant nothing. I couldn’t sing in church or even tap my foot or sway to the music. I just stood there motionless for about 3 consecutive Sundays. Nice for a pastor’s wife, huh? But I didn’t even want to attempt to fake it because it would be just that – fake. It wouldn’t be worship. God doesn't want me to be fake. He allowed me time to hurt while He held me closely. I was honest with God about it and now the joy has slowly returned, despite the unknown road ahead.

I’ve kept a running playlist of songs that kind of hold me together and spur me on towards the direction God is leading us on this adoption road -- kind of an Adoption Road Trip playlist. My dear friend H told me about the Spirit of Adoption CD. I’d love to purchase that but haven’t yet. Furthermore, I’ve found so many other songs that are so applicable to adoption. So, here are the songs that I have in my current playlist. Most of these videos are very well done and I hope you’ll enjoy them. If any of you have any songs that affirm you during your adoption process, let me know and I’ll enjoy listening!

Changed (Aaron Niequist)
I’m thankful that Jay and I can call Aaron our friend from our old church. This song of his I have made my theme song for our adoption. Thank you, Aaron!

Give me Your Eyes (Brandon Heath)
We’ve heard this song countless times at church and I love it.

Follow You (Leeland)
I first heard this song at an event for Tiny Hands International, a ministry we volunteered with here in Nebraska that serves the people of Nepal, India and Bangledesh. This is another one that I’ll sing boldly!

If You Say Go (Rita Springer)
I love what this song says about being called to the fire and finding God through the flames. Thus was our Nepal adoption journey – fire and flames.

You Never Let Go (Matt Redman)
A great song about getting through the rough times. My friend T posted this on Facebook a week or so ago and it hit me right where I was. Thanks, T!

While I’m Waiting (John Waller)
While we waited on Nepal before the shut down, I’m sure my neighbors heard me singing this song – LOUDLY! I love to sing this song and I strive to live out the lyrics. I’m excited to be waiting on China next year!

Swept Away (Geoff Moore)
The video I found for this is a family’s post on YouTube of their China adoption. These videos always make me sob. Someone please teach me how to make stuff like this and I’ll be posting my own someday! Thanks to this family for sharing. It helps us all move along this journey with faith.

When Love Takes You In (Stephen Curtis Chapman)
The Chapmans have been long time adoption advocates and have books and songs all about it!

We Have Room
Go to this public link on Facebook and scroll down just a touch to the music player on the left side of the screen. Great song!

God Blessed the Broken Road (Rascal Flats)
Even country songs have their place. I love the stories that country music tells. Adoptions are typically broken roads. Ours is no exception!

Why Wouldn’t I (Peder Eide)
My friend H posted this on her blog last year and I fell in love. I bought the CD for family members as Christmas gifts. This link includes the songwriter's story of adoption, so it's lengthy, but totally worth it!

In My Daughter’s Eyes (Martina McBride)
I don’t listen to this much these days, but I can hardly wait for the day when I will look into my daughter’s eyes. Until then, this song makes me cry sad tears because I just ache for her.

Love Can Change the World (Aaron Niequist)
And what started with our friend Aaron will end with him as well. Just reminds us of the hope we have of making a difference in this world. Adoption might not be for you, but what is? What can God do through you to change this world? I love this live video of worship back in my home church. It will always be home to me!

Tailgating

A funny thing happened at our church’s tailgate party last night.

I hadn’t even planned to attend the event with the kids because I thought being surrounded by thousands of people, all celebrating the start of the Husker football season (which I could care less about), standing in long lines for food and games with my 2 kids didn’t sound like my idea of fun. Helicopters or no helicopters, I wasn’t going.

Then my husband had to ask the neighbor kids if they wanted to go. Bouncy houses, games, barrel train rides, and the aforementioned helicopters won them over immediately. I threw on different clothes and some make-up and we were out the door with the neighbor’s kids tagging along in our 2 cars because our SUV only seats 5.

We parked on the gravel, back by the pole barn and came face to face with the helicopters parked on the open grass. The kids got to climb in the Army copter but only in the back. Then it was onto the Husker copter. Yep, you read that correctly. A much smaller helicopter painted in black and red and a little white. The word “Huskers” was painted in script on both sides. They’re a little nuts over the Huskers here! The kids climbed in and even got to jump in the cockpit (is that what you call it on a copter?) and put on the headsets. And there’s me without my camera! Huge parenting faux pas!

The kids were getting hungry so we walked across the footbridge over to the main parking lot to check out the food. Lines were as long as I expected and Jay offered to wait in line for food while I took the kids to the bouncy houses. Wrangling 4 kids by myself in crowd of thousands isn’t something I want to do again. We managed to stick together and the kids bounced and jumped down the inflatable slide while handmade paper rockets from the Lincoln Children’s Museum were being launched right next to us. After a half dozen runs down the slide, the kids were ready for more. It was onto the pedal carts over by the loading dock. We waited and waited in line, my kids patiently, my neighbor’s kids running in the grass keeping busy. Jay called my cell from the food line to say he reached the entrance and asked me to bring the kids up and get fed.

As soon as we joined him, the kids’ parents and older sister joined us. How they found us in the midst of thousands of Husker fans is beyond me. They stepped in line with us, as Jay had told the fellow guests around him that he was standing in line on behalf of our family and friends. We filled our white foam plates with hot dogs, burgers, chips, beans, and cookies then made our way to the beverage tent. The dining tent was crowded and we decided to eat indoors inside the Youth Complex. We found a table immediately and enjoyed dinner with our neighbors.

Now, we’ve been neighbors with these people for a handful of years now. Our kids have played together for the last year or so. As adults, we’ve made our introductions but it never really went beyond that until tonight. They asked how we knew of the event and Jay mentioned that this is our church and he’s on church staff as the Director of Campus Operations. This threw the dad, Steve, for a loop because he was under the impression Jay worked elsewhere. So, Jay described what he did for the church before the conversation turned inevitably back to our kids.

We explained that we’ve been trying to adopt internationally. Right away, Steve and his wife Renee’s eyes lit up but they allowed us to tell our story. We talked about getting involved with Nepal, working on paperwork for 6 months, then waiting for Nepal to match us with our daughter, only to be shut out by our own US government in early August. Their posture sunk upon hearing our story but they were eager to tell us that their 2 kids, the 2 darlings everyone calls twins because they are the same age, the 2 kids my boys have been playing with for the last year, are both adopted! Fancy that! They told us their story of two separate domestic adoptions and cheered us on in our efforts to find our daughter. It’s funny how you can be neighbors with people for a couple years and not even know the very basics.

But what made my heart skip a beat was what Jay said upon Steve asking (in his John Goodman voice – he seriously sounds just like him!) what we’ll do now that we’re out of the Nepal program. First, Jay mentioned that he’s facing back surgery sometime this fall or winter but following that, we’d start our paperwork for a China special needs adoption. He said it! Those words actually came out of his mouth! The man who couldn’t talk about adoption with me because he was still so raw with emotion actually said we’d be adopting from China next year! I could have cried right then and there. To know that my husband is on the same page as me now makes me jump for joy as high as the paper rockets that were being shot off over by that bouncy slide.

Its official, my friends: we’ll be adopting from China (next year, hopefully)!

Detour (a continuation of my previous post)

When I talked about my day with Jay when he came home from work, I explained what I’d been doing, what I’d learned and how there were indeed options for us for continuing our adoption. He looked at me and my excitement to move forward but it didn’t seem like he was really listening. At one point, he just walked into the living room, leaving me in mid thought, mid sentence in the kitchen preparing taco salads for dinner. I know he’s apprehensive. He told me as much at 11pm that night, long after the kids had gone to bed, the house picked up, the school lunch made and the dogs let outside to do their business.

He read to me from James 1.

You know the one. It starts with James greeting the 12 tribes and goes onto the “consider it pure joy when you face trials,” verse. Um, yeah, we’re there. A trial. The biggest we’ve had in 5 years. Joy? I don’t think so. Next, “the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” Yeah, we get that. We know that God is up to something here. We know the verses. It’s not new to us at all. It’s in our heads. But it’s not in Jay’s heart. Not right now.

He read the rest of James aloud to me and it was all relevant and good stuff. But skip ahead to the end of James 1 because it shocked us. James ends by telling us, “to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” We had read this chapter before but had forgotten the ending. Jay went to it for the beginning verses about trials and troubles. It ended with serving orphans! I couldn’t believe my ears!

You would have thought that those verses would have put my husband right back on track on the road to our daughter. It was a crystal clear direction for me, but those words didn’t work for Jay. He’s still apprehensive, still questioning, still scared, still hurt. It surprises me because early on in our adoption process we had a conversation about the what-ifs of international adoption. He expressed his confidence that even if we lost it all and never succeeded to bring a daughter home, we still gave it all to God for His purpose and it would be worth it. And now he can’t even hear those very words that originally came from his mouth. He’s lost.

During our shopping trip for kitchen chairs today, there was construction on 27th Street that made us take a detour. I don’t know this edge of town well, but it’s impossible to get lost in Lincoln, I’m not directionally challenged and I just followed the orange detour signs that turned me west and then eventually back north. But I never saw a sign directing me back east to get back onto 27th Street. I ended up driving through the university campus and found myself at a dead end under an overpass, in front of Memorial Stadium where the Huskers play. I got so mad at the city of Lincoln for not posting better detour signs. I could have used the GPS to get me to a better cross street, but Lincoln is easy to navigate. I double backed, cut over east on Y Street and made it back to 27th Street and headed north to the furniture stores and Toys R Us. I always knew where I was but didn’t know the best way to get where I needed to go. But I made it with little trouble.

Where is Jay on this adoption journey? Jay is lost. He’s still driving around. He can’t see the orange and black detour signs. His Magellan has old maps and is stuck on a frozen blue screen anyway, rendering it useless. The paper map has been stained by coffee and sodas and it’s crumpled and torn from being shoved in between the passenger seat and the center console of our Ford Escape. He might be parked on the side of the road or stuck in that dead end under the overpass next to the stadium, trying to figure out where he’s supposed to go. He’ll figure it out. I’m confident our God will show him the way to our daughter.