Overtime

I can't even believe I'm writing this.  But it's time to fill you all in on all the insanity that has been happening and why it is happening and why we have asked you to pray so hard against these attacks.

Remember our adoption story?  Remember how everything that could go wrong, did go wrong?  How we lost Nepal?  How incredibly long (longer than average) China took?  How we lost 2 jobs?  How we moved, lived apart, had car accidents?  How we needed out of network surgery and had huge medical bills to pay?  How our Nebraska house wouldn't sell for nearly a full year because the market tanked as we were selling?

Satan was working overtime back then to try and stop us from adoption, from following God's call on our lives.  Satan hates love, adoption and family.  He tried his very best to make us give up.

Try as he did, as painful as it was, he didn't win.

Oh, but then what happened?

We have the most beautiful little girl in the world, but years later we get horrid behaviors that only get worse with time, not better.  We get diagnoses from multiple professionals.   Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  And love is not enough to heal these children!  [Please stop leaving the comment "Look what love can do!" on happy adoption posts because it makes RAD parents feel like failures!]  Our family has been spiraling down quickly with no hope.

Enter: Hope.

Somehow or other, we were invited to attend a week long, intensive family therapy camp at the end of April.  These camps are way out of our league, at a cost of nearly $1000 per person.  I'm not kidding.  We could never afford that.  Yet somehow, this camp was coming to Minnesota, someone had a heart to help a family in need and started drumming up donors before they ever even heard of us, and then they started searching for that family in desperate need of help.  Word got around, and bam, we were invited.  We're going to family therapy camp at a fraction of the cost.

Oh, but Satan doesn't want our family to heal.  He wants us to remain hopeless, broken, angry, detached, regretful.

Satan is working overtime... again.

So, what's the first thing he does?  He attacks me where it hurts me the most: my beloved emotional support dog, Reese.  Her back injury left her unable to walk on hind legs, a herniated disc putting pressure on her spinal cord.  Surgery would be over $5500, something we could never dish out.  Meds, chiropractics and weeks of crate rest have brought marked improvement.  She's hobbling, but walking again, but she has long way to go yet.  We're only on week 4 of recovery now; we have 4 weeks left to go.  Yet we're leaving her mid-recovery.  And our neighbors are out of town when we will be, so we've hired a house-sitter for the 2 healthy dogs.  We have a friend very graciously willing to watch our crate-resting Reese for the time we are gone!  So thankful!!!

But Satan didn't stop there.

Then he makes that lovely "Service Engine Soon" light illuminate on my dashboard, after we've already put over $300 of work into Jay's car last month (and it's still leaking oil - darn Fords).  Auto Zone says it's idling harder than it should, but then again, it could just be a bad sensor.  Knowing I have a bad tire sensor and a bad door sensor, I truly believe this is another stupid, bad sensor.  Thankfully, after much prayer that these attacks would cease and desist, that light went off 1 day after it illuminated and hasn't returned.

 

But Satan kept on trying.

On our way to Easter church services, we witnessed road rage first hand.  Some guy tried to run us off the road.  Then he proceeded to get behind us and video us, when we were doing absolutely nothing illegal!  He had to be on something.  Very scary.

Still more attacks kept coming.

During all this, Jay and I have been fighting more and more too.  And we never fight and argue.  Disagree?  Sure.  We're human sinners.  But big arguments and fights?  Hardly ever.  I'm a happily married woman, enjoying life with my best friend.  But this month, whew, not a good month for the marriage.  Doesn't help that it's April, a pretty traumatic month in our family history. 

So, yeah.  We're being attacked all over again when it comes to our Quiet Tiger.  From adoption, to home and healing, Satan just wants to destroy us.  And I hate it! 

This is how I know that this therapy camp

will be life changing,

a complete game changer for us.

With that, I am asking for my prayer warriors to commit to praying for us from April 27-May 3, the dates of camp.

• Pray our house and 2 other fur-balls will be safe and sound in the hands of our house-sitter. 
• Pray for safe travel and well running vehicles (we have to take 2 because the kids and I will go down early and Jay will come after an evening work engagement). 
• Pray for us to be open, honest and teachable as we learn new parenting techniques for Reactive Attachment Disorder and PTSD. 
• Pray that Quiet Tiger will be receptive but also that she'll show her true colors for the therapists to see exactly who we see everyday. 
• Pray that the boys will learn how to better cope with their sister and slowly learn to love her again. 
• While we are gone, pray for Reese to make huge strides in her mobility, but also pray for her to stay quiet during her recovery too.  We don't want her overdoing it one bit.  I keep praying the 4 R's for Reese:  Repair (of the bad disc and nerves), Relief (of all pain), Restoration (of all mobility), Rest (she's gaining energy and wants to run and play, but isn't fully healed yet).
• Pray our friends watching her for the whole week, for their strength, patience and compassion. 
• Pray for Super E, who will be turning 10 while we are away, that we will be able to celebrate him and that he will feel honored on his big day.  
• Pray that the evil one will be stopped in his tracks in every way, as we press on diligently towards hope and healing for our entire family, dogs included!

I will definitely be posting when we return.  It may take me a while to unpack my brain and everything we learn, but I will surely post to fill you in on how everything went.

Thanks for the prayers, friends!  We are so very grateful!  This is a huge blessing and opportunity for our family! 

Absolutely huge!

 

 

OH! 
One last PS....

Quiet Tiger CANNOT KNOW ABOUT THIS CAMP! 

We have been told by the professionals not to mention it! 

So, PLEASE DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING TO QUIET TIGER! 

Thank you!

Collins Monthly - March

I'm back into social media more and more these days with maybe the exception of days following any speeches by our President.  Still too much hate out there.  Yet I'm finding that a lot of the chaos has died down and for that I am thankful.  Right now I check in from time to time because I'm politely stalking 2 friends who are having their basements finished.  I am a green eyed monster!  I can't wait until we can do ours, but that will take a lot of saving!  I still think I'll keep my social media participation to a minimum and focus more on writing my monthly blog. 

April
The password for March is..... April.  That darn, sweet, pregnant giraffe in New York.  If you haven't heard of her, then you must be living in a hole somewhere.  Oh, that giraffe!  So many hours of her on my TV above my fireplace.  So many nights leaving her live-stream on my tablet on my nightstand while I dozed to sleep.  Good, educational entertainment nonetheless.  And I don't know who is in charge of the animal park's social media posts, but they have been handling them so well, using humor and even a little snarky sarcasm from time to time because of the ridiculous things people post.  I love their updates!

Back to Work
Early March found me back in the office for 1 day, filling in for Jay's BOA who had a much needed appointment on the calendar.  I have also been going into the office a couple days per week, just a few hours each, to help with some phone calls and event/seminar planning.  I have been able to get school done in the morning with the boys, then go into the office for a few hours while the boys kick back and relax and then I return home to make dinner.  I also had 10 hours of new training to complete because of the DOL changes.  Just a couple days a week in the office will be fine.

Twister & Snow
Wow, Minnesota Weather was drunk or off her meds or something.  On March 6 a tornado touched down in Zimmerman, just northwest of Jay's office.  This was supposedly the earliest tornado touchdown in Minnesota weather history.  Thankfully, the office was fine, our friends were fine and clients reported they were fine too.  They were lucky!  I saw pictures of houses that looked like doll houses, with entire walls ripped off 1 side. Yikes!  That was some damage from an F1 tornado!  The following morning we woke up to an ice covered driveway and a dusting of snow.  Our pond re-froze and frozen into it are several trees (1 large, 1 medium and lots of small ones) that were knocked down by 2 days of high winds.  We have a big mess to clean up!  Anyone with a chainsaw is welcome to lend a hand!  To bring back winter, we got 2 inches of snow the weekend of Daylight Savings but it melted in about 4 days.  By the last week of March, the ice was officially out on the pond and we were enjoying 60 degree weather!  Strangest weather I have ever seen!

Final Reveal
While Jay was away for a quick overnight trip and Super C was off doing the 30-Hour Famine with his youth group, Super E and I put the final touches on Super C's new teenage bedroom.  Well, technically, I do still have to finish the 1 cabinet door to his dresser and his nightstand that will need to be painted outside, so I'll wait another month or so for that.  I painted some peg board the same color as the bedroom walls and installed them on both sides of the bed and along 1 other small wall.  Then we hung all his equipment.  The Nerf themed teenage room is complete!  I love putting rooms together for my kids!  Now I can officially move onto the bathroom transformations.  Look out paint aisles, here I come, because ceilings, walls and cabinetry are all due for a new, updated look!  That will be more in the budget than lower level floors or a basement finish!

Missing Ministry?
We have really enjoyed our new church home:  Eagle Brook Church.  It's a large church with many locations.  We attend one that has been meeting in a high school, but this month we opened our brand new campus just 15 minutes from our home in nearby Anoka.  They renovated an old, abandoned K-Mart.  Our grand opening was this month and the first service was filled to overflow in the lobby!  How exciting!  This was probably the first time ever, since leaving ministry, that Jay and I both felt a tiny bit of nostalgia, missing all the fun of grand openings after building or expanding church campuses.  That was Jay's forte, but we both felt it for sure.  No worries though; we aren't going back into ministry ever.  Yet we'll play our role as volunteers.  With this new change for the church and it's close proximity to our home, we stepped up to be small group leaders.  We are starting a community group for families with school-aged children.  We hope to get more connected to people in our similar family situation, during this busy thing we call life.

Last Minute
I had an appointment on the calendar for mid-April for Miss Quiet Tiger to see a child psychiatrist.  It has been such a struggle just to find her help.  Why the struggle?  Why?  It was so hard to just get her home!  Why must we struggle so hard now to get her help?  Well, I went with her alone one Tuesday morning when the office had a cancellation and asked if we wanted in earlier than planned.  I took a leap of faith and we went.  I loved our new doc!  We began medicating for her anxiety.  Yes, we tried earlier, but that was with our pediatrician who just comfortable with medicating such a young child.  Sadly, even in 1 short week, we have had to stop.  Five days on a half dose of Prozac and my daughter was manic!  I've never seen her so wild and crazy, laughing maniacally all the time, unable to sit still or even speak a complete sentence.  I got very perturbed at my once loved doc when she didn't return my calls.  I finally heard back and scheduled a follow-up appointment, which I later cancelled too (you have to wait until next month's update to know why).  In the end, this new doc saw everything and confirmed the anxiety disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Hopefully,  we will see the anxiety diminish.  There will be no cure for the RAD.  We'll live with it always.  We have some big things on the calendar this summer and we need a truly Quiet Tiger, not an anxious, amped up, Wired Tiger.  I'll leave you with this: you won't want to miss next month's blog!  That's all I'm saying about that.

Orthodontia Revisited
We've been back and forth to 2 different orthodontists for the boys.  Two weeks after a visit to orthodontist #1 for a free evaluation, we went to orthodontist #2 much closer to home.  They can already see a difference in Super E's teeth and told us to stop the home treatments recommended by Ortho #1.  Sadly, Ortho #2 also recommended pulling 4 of Super E's baby teeth; something Ortho #1 never even breathed!  The minute I got home from this second evaluation, I called Ortho #1 for the promised free, reevaluation.  So, on a Wednesday morning, Super E and I headed back out to Ortho #1 and they loved the change thanks to the home treatments!  They disagreed about the tooth pulling, but did say that when Super E is older, he'd likely need braces for a short time, but that really all depends on how his 12-year molars change everything.  In the end, Ortho #1 gets my business.  We are still talking about when it will be best to get Super C into braces, but it will likely be this summer. 

Div Trip
Leaving his Texas office behind and starting fresh here in Minnesota definitely set Jay back in his career.  We were told to expect it and it was 100% truth.  It has been over 2 years since Jay has earned a trip through work (Jackson Hole was the first trip Jay earned and Rome was the second).  This past month he earned another Div Trip and we are anxiously waiting for the day the books are opened so we can see the available destinations.  We are so thankful for Edward Jones for awarding exceptional work to the employee and spouse with amazing trips like these.  We make some fun "Jones Friends" (and product partner friends too) from around North America and we see some amazing locales and are given the chance to relax and kick back all thanks to Jones.  Wish my hard working husband a big congratulations sometime.  Stay tuned for the selected destination.

We Need a Miracle!

Friends, our family is being attacked by the evil one.  I can't tell you how I know that just now, but I know it is happening and I'll be able to fill you in next month.

PRAY FOR REESE
PLEASE

Last Friday morning, my dog Reese didn't want to get out of my bed.  She normally nudges me and snuggles me as I struggle to get out of bed.  She seemed fine all morning.  But when we returned from running an afternoon errand, she didn't race out of her kennel or bound up the basement stairs.  I knew something was wrong.  By nighttime, I knew a call to the vet was in order and I made an appointment for 10:20 on Saturday morning.

Saturday morning came and she seemed a bit better.  Better enough for me to think she just pulled a muscle and needed rest.  So, I cancelled our morning vet appointment.  That was a crushing mistake.  While she rested all day, by bedtime she was panting hard and was losing control of her back legs.  I called 2 emergency vets (all we have is 2 by us) and both of them said they were booked because vets were in surgery for 2-3 hours.  Thankfully our vet has regular Sunday hours.  I called and left them a voicemail, tearfully begging them to see my dog on Sunday.

MY HEART AND SOUL
IN CANINE FORM

I took one of their urgent care visits and we went in on Sunday morning.  By this time, Reese was dragging both her back legs.  She was in severe pain.  The vet took x-rays and found a disc that was a bit thinner than all the rest between L5 & L6.  He recommended us to send the x-rays to a surgeon.  We went home with meds and a very drugged dog and waited for the surgeon to call.

While we waited, I put a plea for prayer out on Facebook, despite my hiatus.  Then the surgeon called and said we needed an MRI.  But the U of M wasn't open until today.  I called a number of emergency places to see just who does MRIs on dogs in the Minneapolis area.  None were open, but most told me that the price would be around $2000 for the MRI alone.

I knew at that moment alone that Reese's days were numbered unless a miracle happened.

Friends, I'm begging you to pray for that miracle!

I THINK THIS MAY BE THE ONLY PHOTO OF REESE AND I TOGETHER.
SHE ALWAYS LOVED SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH US.
ALWAYS WITH HER MAMA

Reese is on steroids to reduce the swelling and on a pain killer too.  She is confined to the kennel until I carry her out to the dog run to attempt going potty.  She'll do it, but she can't squat, so she in essence has to sit in it, unless I hold up her back and and compress her bladder, but even that she fights.  Yet she has wet in her kennel, so she can still do it on her own.  And that is a good sign!  

Please pray that the meds are the miracle that we need!

Reese is turning 3 this month.  Three.  She is still a youngster with a lot of life left to live.  But at the prices we are looking at, the only thing we can possibly afford is the sad, painful, heart crushing alternative of a humane "good bye."

We've prepared our boys.  We've all sobbed and sobbed until we are numb.  I made 3 salt-dough ornaments with Reese's paw prints.

I ADORE THIS PICTURE!
THOSE GIANT EARS!
SHE ALWAYS KNEW WHERE HOME WAS AFTER A LONG WALK.

Today I called multiple places and the dollar totals are over $5000 if we wish to proceed surgically.   This is something we cannot fathom.

Today I called my last hope -- a chiropractor who works on dogs.  It's a cheap help, in comparison to surgery.  We talked at great length and he said it's a really good sign that she has the ability to go potty and that those nerves haven't been effected yet.  Tomorrow at 11:30 am is our appointment.  I ask you to be in prayer that the doctor sees hope that his treatments will help.  He told me that he has seen it happen with a dachshund he has as a patient who is walking happily after a month of treatment.  I have hope, yet we are indeed prepared for the horrifying alternative.

To make a long post longer, I need you to understand why this dog means more to me than most.  Raising a daughter with RAD takes it's toll on a mother.  I have my own diagnosis which I hope will never be a permanent one.  Having a daughter whose emotions are not in check, who is defiant at every turn and who is unable to accept or show love is agonizing.  Enter: Reese.  Reese was the dog that I didn't want.  She was dumped on my doorstep as a stray in San Antonio.  Jay fell in love very quickly and I was hesitant because I knew all the potty training and obedience would fall on me.  I would be hard pressed to ever say no to a dog, but even I was shocked to reluctantly agree after a week or so in our home.  Reese has been my dream girl!  She adores me.  She has been so easy going and happy!  She is smart and loving and beyond loyal.  But what's more, she has intuition to know when I am having a horrible day with my daughter and she is always up next to me, on the couch or in my bed snuggling me, licking me, giving me the love-struck brown puppy eyes.  She gets me like no one else.  She's truly my emotional support animal!  She has saved my life in ways I'll never be able to express in words.  Life without her would be crushing to me.  It would be removing my heart and soul, a piece of me that I never even knew existed.

THOSE FIRST FEW MOMENTS MEETING REESE.
A  NEIGHBOR IN TEXAS FOUND HER AND THOUGHT SHE WAS MINE.
I NEVER KNEW THIS FUNNY LOOKING PUP WOULD BE MY DREAM GIRL.

So, I'm begging you to pray for the miracle of medicine and chiropractics and above all, God's hands of healing on my Reese's back.  We don't have much time!  Despite pain meds, she hurts.  She cannot walk.  Please, please, please pray!  I believe in the God of miracles!

[And just a note to those of you thinking, "Just set up a Go Fund Me account and raise the cash."  Having already adopted internationally with thanks to so many donors like yourselves, I cannot and will not ask for money for a pet.  Yes, to me, my heart and soul is more than a pet.  But I still cannot and will not ask for that because it doesn't feel right.]

Please, Jesus!  Heal my Rees-y Girl on this earth!  Please!  We need her and we adore her!