Trauma

This past weekend we had my husband's Summer Regional Event for his work with Edward Jones.  While my thoughts on the differences between corporate America and ministry are definitely worth a blog post of all their own, I want to share with my readers how this weekend affected my daughter.  It wasn't pretty and I know a lot of adoptive families out there are struggling with similar fears in their children.

As most of you know, my daughter has been home for over a year now, having set foot on US soil 1 year ago on June 7.  The year has had it's ups and downs but she has adjusted beautifully even when we moved from my mother-in-law's condo in Horseshoe Bay into our new home in San Antonio.  In the grand scheme of things, she has really had a pretty easy adjustment from what we can compare to friends of ours and their adopted children.  She has had her issues and she certainly has her months moments when I want to pull all my hair out, but in comparison to what we saw from her this weekend, she has been really pretty easy.

Our weekend away (back at Horseshoe Bay but in a Marriott Resort) brought back the ugliest of uglies of the adoption world.

You see, my daughter has only been in a hotel once before.  Well, twice if you count the fact that we stayed in 2 different provinces in China while completing the adoption and immigration.  But our last time in a hotel was almost exactly 1 year from the date of this Summer Regional corporate event.  And I can tell you that even though my daughter was only 22 months old when we met in China, she wholly and fully remembers the day her life turned upside down and was placed with a complete stranger from another land and spent 10 days in hotels getting used to a strange person called Mommy.

Quiet Tiger's first hotel stay one year ago.
The day her life turned upside down.

On Thursday in Horseshoe Bay, we attempted to check into the hotel at 10:30am since Jay's first meeting was at noon.  Of course, our room wasn't ready that early.  Our Quiet Tiger didn't mind the hotel lobby at all.  She waited with us quietly as Jay signed in with the event staff and we signed all the waiver forms for the childcare that the hotel would be providing while Jay and I attended sessions and meetings.  After that, we drove down the road to have lunch at Subway while we waited for the call that our room was ready.  It didn't come quickly.  I dropped Jay off back at the hotel for his 1st session while the kids and I returned to town to pick up a few snacks at Walmart in Marble Falls while we continued to wait for our hotel room to be ready.  We also made a drive through the bank.

Marriott Horseshoe Bay Texas on Lake LBJ

After I received the phone call that our room was ready, we headed back to the hotel.  Upon seeing luggage that the boys and I unloaded from the car and walking into the large building (even though she had been into the lobby earlier that morning), my Quiet Tiger started to cry.  It was a cry that I recognized and had heard only a few times before - what I call her "orphanage cry."  She cried at the check-in desk where I waited in line to receive our room keys, but she calmed down when I gave her the sucker that she had received at the bank.  It was only a cry, not a scream, but it was one filled with emotion and I recognized it immediately.

Arriving in our room she was fine.  She was all smiles, running around, checking everything out as I unpacked and situated the roll-away bed the housekeeping staff had brought for her use (we had requested a pack-n-play but didn't get one).  L LOVED the idea of sleeping in a "big girl bed," something we've promised her if she'd start using the potty and ditch the diapers.  Oh, she was all smiles and loved climbing up and down and rolling around and jumping on her big bed!!!  (How is it that children follow orders and do not jump on beds at home but think its OK to jump on beds that are not their own?  Seriously.)

That afternoon we had our first session as a couple and the kids went to the provided child care rooms in the hotel's yacht club.  Our kids were separated by age, the boys staying together with older kids while L attended a different room with toddlers and babies.  She didn't mind it one bit and went freely.  No tears.  No drama.  No stress.  I picked her up a couple hours later and she was happily eating Goldfish crackers and drinking apple juice.  How easy that was!  We later had dinner complete with karaoke (kind of bombed because the Spurs were playing) and dress up stuff for the kids.  L loved it!

Super C enjoying karaoke night.

Frightening.

But late that night, the drama began.  It's hard enough for any toddler to fall asleep in a hotel room at a decent hour while the rest of the family members are still awake watching TV, reading and checking email.  It was after 9pm when L finally fell asleep on her roll-away.  The rest of us were all falling asleep around 10:30 when L awoke

CRYING

SCREAMING

FREAKING OUT.

I'll call it Level 1 Hysterical (you'll see why later).  She was crying harder than she had at the hotel check-in desk and I was worried that neighboring hotel guests would hear her.  We tried talking her down.  I sat with her, I rubbed her back, I laid with her.  I tried being firm with her.  Nothing soothed her.  The only thing that seemed to calm her was my firm hand on her head as she laid on her stomach, head turned to the side looking at me, looking into her eyes and telling her calmly, "Go night-night.  Go night-night.  Go night-night." She woke up screaming two more times that night.  I woke each time to tend to her while my husband and boys attempted to sleep.  Mommy didn't get much sleep that night.  Not much at all.

Friday morning, we had breakfast and then we had a morning session where the kids had to attend child care.  This time my Quiet Tiger became hysterical again.  This time, I'll call it Level 5 Hysterical.  The sight of the toddler toys, the babies sitting on the foam mats, the babysitters sitting around on the floor playing with the toddlers, sent fear into my daughter.  Once again folks, the orphanage cry, but this time LOUDER.  Not unlike any child refusing to go into Sunday School or being dropped off at a new sitter's.  I tried calming her as best I could.  We decided to leave the room to check the boys into their respective rooms so she could witness them going to play and leaving mommy and daddy easily and happily.  She quieted down.  But once we returned to her room, she was not going in.  She stood firmly in one place with

PANIC

TERROR

SCREAMING.  

Jay took her from me and went into the room with her, holding her and sitting down playing with toys with her.  I stood outside the room hiding, cringing, begging, pleading for her to calm down.  I explained to a few of the babysitters what we were dealing with.  I explained that this was far beyond a normal toddler's separation anxiety.

We were dealing with memory recall and 

her fear of abandonment.  

Jay left the room 5 minutes later and I heard her screams from outside the closed door.  We told the babysitters that she might calm down if she were with her brothers and if they'd allow that arrangement, to please try that.  In the end, that's the only way she made it through the 2 hour meeting - the only 2 year old in a room full of 9-12 year olds.  She enjoyed being with her big brother Super C and was all smiles when I picked her up.  We went to an enjoyable lunch meeting for families and then on a scheduled boat ride on the lake that she loved, screaming "Faster!  Faster!  Faster!"  She's a speed demon liker her mommy.  That night she slept soundly, admittedly with the help of a dose of Benedryl just in case.

Saturday was in essence a free day for the kids and I.  Jay had sessions all morning, but the kids and I had breakfast and played at the hotel.  We met Jay when he was done and spent a couple hours swimming at the pool where my one-handed-wonder proceeded to climb an eagle statue that kids love to climb and jump off.  To get to the top requires dexterity of fingers and toes, like scaling a rock formation with no pre-drilled finger holds.  She did it!  Determination.  She never ceases to amaze me.  Ten fingers are highly overrated!  We played at the beach for a few minutes and took the golf cart tram back to the hotel to rest a bit before our late evening dinner and awards ceremony.  Again, the kids would attend child care one last time.

Ready to hit the pool in her new suit from Grammie.

The huge eagle statue in the middle of the pool is what L climbed.

The boys went to their assigned room and L was assigned the baby/toddler room as usual.  This time her freak-out was astoundingly magnified!  Friends, I don't think you've heard a child scream like this.  This time she screamed a glass-shattering scream that people heard down the halls.  Instead of standing next to me screaming, she pulled my hand so hard and attempted to sprint right out of there, pulling me with her.  We entered Level 893 Hysterical.  Off the charts, people.  She was simply

OUT OF CONTROL with TERROR!  

I took her to a corner of the lobby and sat her down trying to calm her.  She kept screaming her head off and I could barely make out the words, "No play with toys!  No play with toys!  No, Mommy!  No, Mommy!"  It didn't matter that she had seen us pick her up after each session the previous days.  Nothing could have gotten through her head that

MOMMY IS NOT ABANDONING YOU!

MOMMY ALWAYS COMES BACK! 

She feared she'd be left forever like she had been left by her birthmom and like she had been left with me in Xi'an.

We left her screaming and wailing, out of control hoping the sitters would get her calmed down with some snacks or a little Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  Once again, their only resort was to put her in the room with her brothers but she was happy with them and the intense screaming ceased.  Super C reports she came into his room screaming but he went to her and showed her what to do (coloring with markers) and he let her eat nothing but Goldfish and apple juice for dinner.  I think she even had a s'more for dessert.  What an awesome big brother!  She was calm when we picked her up and she slept well in bed with me that night without a peep without any Benedryl.

This is the most terror we have seen out of our daughter EVER.  Even in China she sure cried at night and she definitely wanted nothing to do we me rocking her to sleep, but she never screamed with the volume and intensity and sheer terror which we witnessed over last weekend.  The cries in China were all sad and sorrowful.  These were terror.

When we arrived home on Sunday morning, I caught L standing in the corner of our living room taking it all in.  She was smiling with the sweetest smile ever and she was nodding her head up and down.  If I could read her mind, she was thinking to herself, "This is my home.  I will always have a home."

A long weekend of no naps, late nights, stress and trauma, and an early morning
taking daddy to the airport, she fell asleep at noon with Juneau on the living room floor.
She needed her sleep and I didn't want to disturb her to put her in her crib.  She slept there for 3 hours.

As horrifying as the weekend was, the positive is this:  Our Quiet Tiger is most certainly bonded to each one of us in the Collins family!  That's the blessing.  Yet I am glad that we won't have another regional event for a whole year.  My prayer is that these traumatic moments will diminish and vanish with time.  And I pray God will use time to heal my daughter's deep wounds and that she will know that she has a family, she has a home, that she is loved forevermore.

To learn more about trauma early on in childhood (not limited to adopted children), please refer to this article!  It is so well written and explains so much of what we saw last weekend!

Please see our Prayer Request Tab above for helpful prayers for our daughter.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

It's a weird day today.  My husband is out of town.  He boarded a 6am flight this morning to California to visit our friend's church and help them set up a retirement program for their staff.  So, he's not here to celebrate Father's Day.  The kids made him cards and gave him gifts last week and last night stuck a treat into his suitcase that he'll be sure to find.  We'll celebrate more when he gets back in a couple days.

I was playing with my new phone and got a good picture of Jay and L
while out to BBQ one night.

This can be a harder day for me because my relationship with my dad isn't exactly where I ever expected it to be.  I'm 38 years old.  I haven't seen my dad in person in probably something close to 7 years because we haven't lived in close proximity to each other.  My dad has never met my 6 year old son and obviously never met my new daughter.  [Note to self:  Your daughter has been home for a year.  Stop calling her "new."]  My parents divorced as I was getting married almost 12 years ago.  Both of my folks have since remarried.  I'd like to be closer to my dad, but being miles apart only yields phone calls, cards and letters and printed photos of the kids sent in the mail as he is not up to date with technology.  And even though he won't see this and I've already sent him Father's Day wishes by mail, I will still say,

Happy Father's Day, Dad!  

My dad and his wife Sharon years ago at our house in Chicago.

But today I want to share with you the story of my stepdad Rand.  Like I said, my parents divorced when I was an adult, and my stepdad didn't raise me, so maybe it's funny to call him my stepdad.  But it's shorter than calling him, "my mom's second husband," and frankly, I respect my stepdad very much and think he's worthy of the title.

Oddly enough, I knew my stepdad long before he entered our family, long before he ever met my mom.  He was one of my volunteers when I was working in youth ministry back in Chicago.  He was going through a divorce, as were my parents.  At the end of the ministry season I hosted a volunteer picnic for my team at my parent's home.  We had food and a big, homemade slip 'n' slide down the hill into the lake we lived on.  If I recall correctly, both my parents were there at that picnic along with all of my volunteers.

At that time, of course, there were no feelings between my mom and this volunteer friend of mine.  My mom was divorcing, and Rand was divorcing too.  Neither one of them was even considering another relationship.  It would have been preposterous at the time!

As the years went by, we'd run into Rand on Wednesdays during our midweek church service and he'd often sit with us if friends of his didn't show up.  Rand even came to my wedding ceremony and celebrated with us as he had met my husband when we were all serving in the youth ministry together years before.

Many more months passed.  Years passed.  My mom and Rand became good friends and enjoyed each other's company.  Rand was at many of our family functions, which at one point became very odd for me.  And I struggled.  I never, ever in a million years would have held onto the hope that my mom and dad would ever get back together.  So, that wasn't the issue.  I certainly didn't want my mom to be alone for the rest of her life.  That wasn't it.  I loved Rand and thought very highly of him.  So, I didn't have issues with him personally.  I could never pinpoint what it was that bugged me, but something did.  In fact, I know there were times that I treated him coldly at some family functions.  I'm sure it hurt him and my mom too.  He didn't deserve my disrespect at all, and for all those times, I am deeply sorry.  To this day, I wish I could pinpoint what it was that bugged me so much, but I can't.  Thankfully I could move past it!

Eventually, my mom and Rand decided that they were spending so much time together that they either had to break up their friendship or get married.  They chose to break up and that made them both miserable.  Completely miserable!  I don't know how long their time apart was, but I won't forget the call I received when Jay and I were up in Wisconsin visiting Jay's mom at her summer home.

We had driven into town to do some shopping and to stop by West's Dairy (best ice cream ever, by the way if you're ever in Hayward, WI).  I had a message on my phone from my mom and I called her back.  She said she had news and I knew without a moment's hesitation what she was going to say, although I did really want to burst and jokingly squeal, "I'm finally getting a baby sister?????"  Instead I bit my tongue as she told me she and Rand were getting married.  I wasn't surprised.  I was happy for both of them!

My mom and Rand, my stepdad.
I love this photo I took of them on one of our trips home years ago.
I love Lake Michigan!

They got married in a private ceremony at our church in Chicago, just the two of them.  I had my catering friends surprise them with chocolate covered strawberries and a card from me on the table in the Bride's Room.

That is their story in my own words, but it doesn't end there.  (So get up and refill your coffee if you need a break).

Rand has supported me and my family in countless ways.  I know he and my mom pray for all of us kids and all the grandkids daily!  He helped us move out of our house in Illinois when we moved to Nebraska.  And 6 years later he helped us pack up that Nebraska house when it was time to put all our stuff into storage while we figured out where life would take us next, because we knew it wouldn't be California like we had expected.  While home on that packing trip, Rand gave me a donation check for our adoption.  Even though married, my mom and stepdad have really kept their finances separate, just as a way of keeping things simple and easy for them.  So his donation was none of my mom's doing.  It was Rand's heart being broken for the orphan.  And once again, it was God supplying exactly what we needed, when we needed it.

When L finally came home and Rand saw my daughter face to face on the webcam, he was smitten.  He'd think about her and her adjustment to her new life often.  He'd always wonder what new things L was doing, learning, saying, etc.  He'd smile when he'd see a picture of my Chinese daughter in the midst of all the other caucasian grandkid pictures on their fridge.

Then they came to visit us for Easter.  I was concerned how my daughter would react to a man staying in our house because she had been fearful of men at first.  I asked my friends to pray for our week together.  Thankfully, L loved her Grandpa Rand!  I think it only took a mere few minutes and she was curled up next to him on the couch, bringing him toys, wanting to color.  I think if L had asked Rand to go strawberry picking, he would have gone with her in an instant, right Rand?  (Strawberry picking is NOT one of my stepdad's favorite activities.  Just ask him.)

Just hours after they arrived and L is already snuggling in with Rand.

Can you hear L screaming, "More!  More!  More?"
And don't you love her pointed toes?

Since then, L asks about Rand a lot.  I think Grammie (my mom) has been ousted and Rand has a new girlfriend -- my daughter.  She is crazy about him.  She'll ask, "Where's Rand?" around the house or on the webcam if he's not at home when we call my mom.  It's too cute.

I don't think Rand ever would have imagined he'd have a Chinese granddaughter.  I don't think he ever expected to be completely smitten with a child who doesn't share the same DNA.

Thanks for loving my kids 
and caring for us the way you do!  

I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day, Rand!  

We love you!!!!!

1 Year in Pictures

Gotcha Day was 

ONE YEAR AGO 

TODAY.

ONE YEAR!

Where did the last year go?  Seriously, people.  

I'm out of words today.  My thoughts are a little all over the place.  I'll just post my favorite pictures from the last year and maybe words will come later.

May 28, 2012 - Gotcha Day - Xi'an, Shaanxi China with a director from the orphanage.
One of the only clear photos I have from that day because L hated the camera.

June 2012 - Home in the USA.  Living at Grandma Collins' condo in Horseshoe Bay, TX.
Learning how to blow bubbles.

July 22, 2012 - Her 2nd birthday.
She looks like such a little baby here.

August 2012 - Playing dress up.  Look that than tan!

September 2012 - Just starting to try barrettes to clip her hair back.
The bangs seemed to grow overnight!

October 2012 - She loves that zebra shirt.

November 2012 - In the new house in San Antonio with no furniture for a couple weeks.
She's sitting on a diaper box!

December 2012 - Christmas Eve all dressed up for church.

January 2013 - In her room on the zebra chair.
Starting to look less like a baby and more like a little girl.

February 2013 - Chinese New Year
Wearing the dress that "Aunt" Hilary found in Minnesota.

March 2013 - Goofy girl playing a game of chase mommy.
She still rarely looks at the camera, so this shot is a treasure!

April 2013 - Happy girl despite not having a nap after church.

Today - May 28, 2013 - enjoying a celebratory Gotcha Day cupcake!

Happy Gotcha Day to my daughter!

Love,

Mommy

Homeschool Follies

We officially finished school today!  So exciting!  What a great year!  We will continue to do reading and math through the summer, but it will be nice to take a break from the bulk of the curriculum.

We have had some funny moments in homeschool, mostly at my own expense.  So, enjoy a couple of tales because they are too good to keep to myself.

Did Moses Really Say That?

When we first started school we were living at my mother-in-law's condo in Horseshoe Bay, TX.  And we were starting time-outs with our new daughter L.  I was reading to Super E from his children's Bible at the kitchen table while L was in time-out on the step.  In the midst of the Bible story, unbeknownst to me, L had decided to remove herself from the naughty step and joined us in the kitchen.  My words, as I read the story and was surprised to see L next to me were, ""And Moses said in a very angry voice,.... [absolutely NO hesitation when I saw L walk into the room] "Go to the step!""  My boys roared and roared and roared in laughter.  C nearly fell off his chair.  "And Moses said in a very angry voice, "Go to the step!""

What Do You Lean On?
When my mom and stepdad visited our new home for Easter we were so close to wrapping up The Wizard of Oz book so that we could watch the movie with Grammie and Rand visiting.  Before we put on the movie for Family Movie Night, we sprawled out on the living room floor and I read the last 2 chapters and I had a nice little mis-speak, a slip of the tongue that sent my 9 year old literally rolling on the floor in laughter.  The words from my mouth as I read were, ""The Tin Woodman leaned on his a@s.""  Ooops!  I mean AXE.  He leaned on his AXE!!!  Not his a@s!!!  Super C could hardly control himself.  I thought he'd wet his pants.  My mom and stepdad got a good laugh as well.  Me and my potty mouth.

Starting homeschool in the fall at Grandma's condo.

Still at Grandma's.  Ethan has fantastic printing even from the start!  

In our new home in San Antonio.
Doing kindergarten math on the whiteboard in the kitchen.

We were heavy into the arts and crafts before Chinese New Year.
We made snakes of all kinds and paper lanterns to celebrate
the Year of the Snake.

E often enjoys listening to C's science lessons
and vice versa.

A field trip while Grammie and Rand visited over Easter.
The San Antonio Riverwalk.
We took the boat cruise and C listened to the tour guide very well
and came out learning many facts about our new city.

Home schooling at it's best.  After C finished up learning about Lewis & Clark,
he and E came up with the idea of building a log cabin like the explorers built when they reached the
West Coast.  Of course, our Lincoln Log set is incomplete but they improvised very well!
I think it's still set up in their room.

Great job this year, boys!  

I'm so very proud of you 

and all you learned and accomplished this year!

Today with their Certificates of Completion from Sonlight.

The plan is to home school again next year.  It's a lot of work, but the boys really enjoyed it this year as did I.  I have located the Sonlight Core E on Craig's List in Austin.  The gal is shipping it to me and it is en route to my home.  I'll only have to figure out science and then choose a math curriculum again for Super C.   My awesome friend Amy is lending me her 1st grade Sonlight core for Super E to use next year, which is such a gift!  Thanks, Amy!!!!!

Happy Summer Break, everyone!

PS...  The Comments Section is open.  Please share your homeschooling follies!  Surely I can't be the only one with a funny story or two!

Post Placement #3

Today we had our 3rd of 6 post placement visits with our local social worker.  We're half way done with all our visits!  YAY!!!!!  Thankfully the remaining 3 come at 1-year intervals:  on L's 2-year anniversary, 3-year anniversary and 5-year anniversary of her adoption.  Then we'll be DONE!!!

Our last post placement visit 6 months ago didn't go so well, unfortunately.  Our visit was scheduled on time and I had all my reporting and photos completed on time but my social worker did not do her job after our visit.  My adoption agency did not receive the completed report until 2 months AFTER it's due date.  My social worker did not return my calls or emails to get it done.  Only once I complained to the agency that contracts the social workers, did the social worker write and complete her report.  Then once completed, I learned that she lost some of the paperwork I had filled out and gave to her to send in with her complete report, per my agency's instructions.  Frustrated hardly describes how I felt by such treatment when I have to shell out hundreds of dollars for her report!

This time we had the same social worker, unfortunately.  I was not happy about that since I was told they'd hire a new social worker for our area by now.  I begged and pleaded with the agency that hires the social workers to do something to make up for the last post-placement debacle.  They refused.  I was livid that I had to pay hundreds of dollars and the social worker seemingly got away with not doing her job.  What has the world come to?

Since there was no use in fighting the matter further, I tried to be pleasant with our social worker.  She tried to be pleasant with me.

I was quick to tell her of Lauren's dental appointment and what the dentist said about her teeth.  See this post if you don't recall the dental education I received.  It would be my hope that China will read the report and take small steps to improve the care of the children living in institutions.  It's a long shot, I know, but I can hope and pray for it for sure!  The children deserve our prayers that the very basic needs are provided.

I told her how much L enjoyed visiting Sea World and how she shouted, "More whale!  More whale!" at the Shamu show.  I told her how I marveled at how big L's world has become; life outside the orphanage.

I told her how L loves her Grandpa Rand and how that pleased me so much since I didn't know how she'd take to a strange man in our house.  I told her how she followed him around the house and always asked for him even weeks after Grammie and Rand returned to Chicago.

I told her I am excited for summer and a more relaxed schedule with no homeschool.  I told her how we're ready for a fun summer in the pool, at Sea World, the Duck Pond, and all the other places that we need to explore in San Antonio.

As usual, I had to provide 15 pictures of our Quiet Tiger:  5 of her alone, 5 of her with me and/or Jay and 5 of her with siblings, extended family and friends.  Sometimes it's hard to figure out which photos to send.  We can always send more, but to keep things cheap I always include the bare minimum.  Here are our post placement photos that I submitted with this report.

Feb. 10, '13
Outside our house.  Celebrating Chinese New Year.
Welcome Year of the Snake!

Mar. 8, '13
Sitting down for a morning snack.
She loves fruit!

Ap. 2, '13
Happy, silly girl playing with mommy.

Ap. 6, '13
Pretty girl!
All dressed up and attending her first American wedding.

May 14, '13
Playing at the park while her brothers are at PE Homeschool Co-op.

Feb. 10, '13
With mommy before church on Chinese New Year.

Feb. 10, '13
Leaving church with Daddy on Chinese New Year.

Feb. 10, '13
After church we went to a local Asian food market where they were
celebrating the New Year with traditional lion dance.
We took many photos and have some great video too!

Feb. 10, '13
After eating a dinner of homemade jiaoza, cashew beef with noodles, fried rice and oranges,
we ended our Chinese New Year celebration
at home with Red Envelopes filled with chocolate coins.

Mar. 29, '13
Our family at the Mexican Market in downtown San Antonio.

Mar. 27, '13
Brooke's stepdad Rand meets L for the first time.
She loved him instantly and always asked, "Where's Rand?" and followed him everywhere.
Rand loves his granddaughter tremendously!

Mar. 28, '13
First ride in the toy Jeep.
L loved it and thought it was the best thing ever!

Mar. 30, '13
L with her big brothers all dressed up before Easter church service.

Mar. 30, '13
Brooke's mom (Grammie) and L at church on Easter.
Grammie loves her granddaughter!

Apr. 6, '13
With Brooke's former boss and his wife at the wedding
of their daughter.
Sunset on Lake Travis in Austin, TX.

Friends, I'd REALLY appreciate prayer that this report will be completed and sent to my agency along with the paperwork and odds and ends I completed on time, per instructions!  She has until June 7 to have the final draft to my agency in PA.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Wishing all the moms out there 

a blessed Mother's Day!

For most, this day brings great joy but for some it brings pain.  For those missing a mom today, for those who don't have a great relationship with a mom, or for those women desperately longing to be a mom, you have my love and prayers.  I'm taking today to honor my mom publicly because she is simply extraordinary and this year I have seen her heart grow in ways I'm sure she can't even fathom.

You see, when I told my mom back in the Spring of 2009 that we were growing our family by adoption, she was positive about the idea but the hesitation in her voice over the phone (or was it the webcam?) was unspoken but clearly audible.  I remember saying, "Mom, we're adopting!" with high excitement in my voice.  Her words were a quiet, drawn out, "You are?"  Again, she was not being negative in the slightest, but her response was much more reserved than thrilled.

Throughout our adoption journey she supported us in prayer, she helped out financially in ways I just don't deserve.  She was there when we got the call that Nepal was closed and we lost the dream of a Nepali daughter in our family.  She cried with me when Jay lost 2 jobs.  She drove 8 hours from Chicago to Nebraska when my gall bladder decided it wanted out when Jay was working in California and I was all alone with the boys.  She drove out again for a whirlwind weekend when the house sold and we had to pack it all up.  She'll always be there for one of her kids, no question.

She's the best!

On August 30, 2011 when we received our referral and first photos of our daughter, I couldn't hold back and keep the photos from my mom, my best friend.  Her words on the phone after opening the email were,

"That baby is beautiful."  

Not "Your baby," or "Your daughter" is beautiful.   Just "That baby."  

Please, don't be quick to think badly about her reaction.  

This was her first, close-hand experience with adoption and it was all new to her.  And she had already seen us lose our first adoption from Nepal, so there was good reason for her hesitation.  We were hesitant too, for gosh sakes!  Again, she was always positive, yet always reserved.  I knew without a doubt that once she met my daughter in person she'd melt and love would just pour forth from her heart.

Later that fall my friend Julie told me to read Choosing to See by MaryBeth Chapman.  In her book, Mary Beth wrote about her experiences with international adoption and I knew even in the first few chapters that I had to send the book to my mom for a Christmas gift.  Once I finished, I was quick to order one on Amazon and have it shipped to her.  I knew it would arrive long before Christmas but I told her not to wait for the holiday and asked her to read it immediately.

I wish I could have been there in the room when she read the passage early in the book that I knew would grab her and not let her go.  Mary Beth wrote of meeting her first adopted daughter for the first time:

"In that moment, time stopped.  It was like God was speaking to me directly.  "Mary Beth, you thickheaded woman, do you not understand now that this is the very way I see you?   You are this orphan!  I adopted you and you are Mine!  I bought you for a price!  Do you see how you love this baby?  That's just a faint reflection of how much I love you!  You didn't have a name, and I gave you a name.  You did nothing to deserve my love, and I love you anyway.  You had no hope, no future, and now you are a daughter of the King!""

Once my mom finished the book, she knew without a doubt that we were really doing what God called us to do.  She was no longer hesitant in the slightest, even despite losing Nepal, even despite losing Jay's job in Nebraska, even despite not being able to sell that Nebraska house for over a year, even despite surgical bills, even despite losing a car in a wreck in California and even losing the new job just one year later.  God used Mary Beth's book to break her heart for the orphan.

At the end of May 2012, I Skyped with my mom while I was in China, even though I only had audio on my original iPad and no video.  I know my mom hardly slept those 10 days I was overseas and she was checking the computer over and over again for email updates, Facebook posts and blog updates and photos, more photos!  When I landed in Texas and we had settled into my mother-in-law's condo just minutes after setting foot on solid ground, we were there on Skype as she watched us eat McDonald's (sad, I know but it was late) at the kitchen table, L enjoying food in her high chair and seeing her Grammie for the very first time.

She has visited us twice here in Texas, once for L's birthday last July and again this past Easter.  Watching my mom with her granddaughter made my heart so happy.  My daughter's unique DNA and differences from our family didn't matter one bit.  Grammie was smitten!  You would never know that she was once hesitant (yet positive, I assure you) about international adoption.  I knew my mom's heart would grow by leaps and bounds and having a front row seat to that transformation was simply a joy for me.

She has a new love and passion inside her heart that it exciting to see.  She wants her church (the one I grew up in) to start an orphan ministry and she wants to play a role.  She has been a prayer warrior for so many of my friends adopting and for others home with their kids who endured surgeries once home.

My mom is the best mom around!

My mom is a fantastic Grammie to all my kids.

She's my best friend!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!  

I love you!

My mom meeting L for the first time at the airport in July 2012.

I think the look on my mom's face says it all in this photo:
LOVE

Grammie and her granddaughter on her 2nd birthday.

Walking outside in Horseshoe Bay.

Me, my mom, and all my kids.
July 2012 in Horseshoe Bay.

My mom and stepdad visit our new
San Antonio home for Easter this year.

Grammie and L on Easter at our church.
March 2013.

Terrible of me and Miss L certainly wasn't cooperating,
but it was the best shot we had of the 3 of us girls
during their visit.